The monsters in my closet come out at night. They wear the faces of people who remind me of times I want so desperately to forget. They dance around me while I try to sleep; stomping their feet and blaring their music- insisting I listen to them and wake up. When the monsters in my closet come out at night, I don't get much sleep. I wake up numerous times. I wake up breathless. In the morning I say, "thank goodness that was only a dream..."

But most mornings, I cannot say that. Most dreams entail flashbacks to traumatic events I have endured. The worst dreams are set in the future, daring to show how one event might unfold into something bigger, something much worse.

When I was a young child, I didn't fear that there were monsters under my bed or in my closet.

Now, seventeen, I am haunted by who and what has harmed me throughout the day and night.

I can't help but wonder how peacefully they, my monsters, must be sleeping at night. They don't realize how irreversibly they have changed my life. They don't have the flashbacks I get midday when I think I am distracted and doing well. They don't hear the words they once said, that remain on replay in the back of my head.

Antidepressants and sleeping medications help, but not as much as I wish they would. Because medications are only aids; they cannot change what has happened to me. I have to face what traumatic events has happened to me, get professional help, talk about it, and keep up the healing process. And even then, nightmares will still occur on occasions.

So, to anyone sleepless at night over the images, words, flashbacks, or fears- I hope that you are able to get help with what the underlying problem is. I know it's unfair that we, the victims, are the ones who have to repair the damage left behind by our monsters.

I want my sleep back, asshole.