It didn’t hit me that my final days of playing the sport I love are coming to an end until recently. Up until now, I had been counting down the days until the next exciting chapter of my life. I thought I was ready for the next step. I thought that when the final day of playing my sport came, I would be hanging up my cleats happily – but that is certainly not the case.

Don’t get me wrong; I have loved softball since the day I stepped onto the dirt. I haven’t lost a single bit of my passion for the game, and I don’t know if I ever will. It’s just that the college athlete experience has prepared me for what’s to come, so I’ve been looking forward to it. Although I feel ready for wherever life takes me next, I will not forget the sport that has helped me get there.

You don’t really think about your life after the sport is over until it’s actually over. No more 6am weights. No more coaches to tell you where to be or how to play. No more being constantly surrounded by a group of girls who make you laugh. Or cry. Or both. No more bus trips to places you’ve never been. No more eating out at nice restaurants every weekend or study hall during the week. It all stops when your four years are over.

It makes you realize just how privileged you are to play. It is such a gift that I am able to play the sport I love, and I had the opportunity to play at the level that I am. Your athletic career can be taken from you in an instant. Whether it be an injury or a personal event in your life preventing you from playing, your career could be over without a warning. It’s different when you know exactly how many days you have left though. You know what’s coming, and you can prepare for it. I just don’t know how.

I’m going to miss softball. I’m going to miss hitting the ball and feeling it hit the sweet spot as it jumps off the bat. I’m going to miss diving for a grounder or sliding safely into home plate during a rivalry game. There’s just no greater place to be than the field on game day. The sounds and the emotions just consume you and make you feel right at home. Game day is what I’ll miss the most.

As my last fifty or so days of softball creep closer and closer to the last one, I won’t take a single day for granted. Not a single practice or game can go by without me taking it all in. I’m going to appreciate the time I spend with my teammates as we go through this season together. I’m going to remind myself of why I fell in love with the game in the first place.

When I step on the field for my last game, I know I’m going to be an emotional wreck. It’ll be the last time I claim my uniform and the last time I play with the same girls in the dugout. No matter the outcome of the rest of our games or the record of our overall season, I will thank this sport for building me into the athlete and person that I’ve become. I just need to take each of these next fifty days one day at a time and play the sport I love with the passion I’ve always had.