The Kind Of Man I Know I Need

The Kind Of Man I Know I Need

To know this man is to experience the love and joy of the Lord.
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I was first called "boy crazy" when I was in seventh grade. My best friend's parents used to laugh at me on our beach trips, saying "Christy, you better be careful with that heart of yours." And while it was a joke back then, that was honestly some very wise advice.

High school was pretty normal, except I can't remember a time when I didn't have a "crush" on someone. The boys I was attracted to were your average high school athletes: the catcher of the baseball team, the star basketball player, the all-region wide receiver. That's the kind of guy I thought I needed. One who was athletic, tough, handsome, and caring. One who would give me attention when I felt unlovable. One who would tell me I'm prettier than the other girls or would tell me how "attractive" it was that I played sports. This was the kind of love I thought I needed.

I came to college and not much changed. I found myself clinging to the attention any boy gave me. Whether it was a boy in my class or some drunk guy downtown, I figured that any attention I could get was better than no attention at all. I figured that if these boys, these athletic, charming, popular boys, weren't interested in me, no one else would be.

And don't we all feel that way? If we don't notice boys looking at us from across the room or get Snapchats from the guys daily, we start to ask ourselves what exactly is wrong with us. However, what we're failing to realize is that that is not the kind of affection that the man we deserve will show us. That's not the kind of affirmation we need to prove to us we're worth it.

You see, after all of these years, I've realized that I have prioritized the wrong qualities in my list of what makes an "attractive" man. I've focused on the material possessions, the accomplishments, and the six-pack of abs that he can put on his resume. I've focused on his hair color, his athletic abilities, and the brand of shirt he wears. And by focusing on all of these qualities, I've lost sight of what I know I really want and really need in a man.

At the end of the day, I know what my heart really wants: a man who makes me laugh until I cry, prays before each meal, hugs like a teddy bear, and loves well. He's the man who encourages me to grow closer to the Lord and holds me accountable. My trust in his faithfulness to me won't dwindle because he doesn't immediately text me back.

He's the man whose presence makes you feel Jesus. He's the man who makes you desire more and more of the Lord with everything he says and does. His watch may not be gold, but his heart definitely is. He's the same Friday night as he is Sunday morning. And though he may not have a stacked resume and toned legs, he's the man that the Lord wants for me. He'll love me unconditionally and unceasingly. Bob Goff says, "That's what love does -- it pursues blindly, unflinchingly, and without end. When you go after something you love, you'll do anything it takes to get it, even if it costs everything.” That's the way I need to be loved, and the only man who will love me that way is a man who's heart is for the Lord.

On my wedding day, I want to be as giddy as I was on our first date. I want to look back at all of the fights and the hard times and smile because of the way he handled them. I want to look back and see how well he has loved me and how his love is a direct representation of the love the Father has for me.

Simply put, the man I need is the man who needs the Lord before he needs me. He's compassionate, selfless, understanding, generous, intentional, and diligent. He follows the Lord's call for him no matter how hard or how badly he doesn't want to. In everything he does, he glorifies the Lord. He speaks life to everyone and loves everyone he encounters well. To know this man is to experience the love and joy of the Lord.

This is the kind of love that I need: a consistent, unconditional love. The physical qualities and material possessions still catch my eye, but I'm learning to not let them steal my heart. I know I deserve a love that reflects the love the Lord has for me. I know that I deserve a man whose heart is already captivated by the Lord. I know that this is what I need.

And the exciting news is that he's waiting for me. And while waiting for this love is frustrating and lonely, I know that settling for any other kind of love will just leave me empty and heartbroken. He's (hopefully) praying for me every day, asking the Lord to bring me to him through His perfect timing. So instead of settling for second best, I've been praying that the Lord will give me the patience to know that His perfect plan is indeed perfect.

And to you, dear one, who is reading this and relating to every word: know that the Lord has such a perfect, wonderful man waiting for you. I urge you to pray for him, to pray for yourself, to never settle, and to be patient. The Lord is good, and His plan for you is better than you can imagine.

Cover Image Credit: Indie Wedding Guide

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Anxiety: A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

The definition makes it sound really daunting. Truthfully, there is no one way to describe generalized anxiety disorder if you have it. It is hard to live with, hard to cope with and unfortunately, really hard to date with.

Girls with anxiety are different than the average girl when it comes to relationships. That's just an honest statement, no matter how much it hurts me to say it.

We need the constant reminder that you love us, even though we know in our hearts that you do. We panic when you don't answer your phone, in fear that we did something wrong. We care about your feelings when you say that we don't need to worry and we need to be a little calmer. But it's so damn hard.

It isn't easy to love someone who worries about everything 24/7. Half the time, we know we shouldn't be doing the things we do. We know we shouldn't blow up your phone or ask just one more time if you are mad at us. But we can't help it. It says it right in the definition: compulsive behavior due to excessive uneasiness.

Being with a girl with anxiety is probably downright exhausting. It's exhausting for us to have our minds constantly running and worrying. But I promise it's worth it.

We come to you with everything because you are the one person who always knows how to make us feel better. When we are happy, you are the one person we want to be happy with. We all know the constant reassurance, reminders and the same old arguments get old. It gets old to us too.

There was never a time I wanted to have a panic attack because my boyfriend wasn't answering his phone. In my head, I knew where he was because he was usually in the same three places. I knew he wasn't mad at me because I didn't do anything to make him upset. I knew how busy he was with his classes and he was probably studying and I needed to give him space. But the little voice in my head always argued, "What if you did something wrong? What if he's ignoring you because he's angry? What if he's seen your messages and calls, but no longer wants to be with you?" And then I give in. I call, I text, I cry, I panic. Only to feel even worse 10, 30 or 50 minutes later because you answer angrily, telling me what I already knew after I did what I knew I shouldn't have done.

Having anxiety is almost like having a drug addiction. You know all the things that trigger you. You know all the ways to stay away from the bad places in your mind so you don't end up relapsing. But you do anyway and it hurts worse every single time.

Dating a girl with anxiety is as hard as it gets, but she will love you like no other. She is so incredibly thankful for all the things you put up with to be with her. Because she is worried about being loved, she goes the extra mile to always remind you how much you are loved. She always asks if you are ok because she cares about the answer and knows what it's like not to be ok.

The truth is that dating anybody with anxiety is difficult, but it isn't impossible. You get back everything you put in, even though you may not realize it. Trust me, she is sorry for being the annoying, crying, worried, naggy mess and it embarrasses her because she knows better and she wants to be better for you. But please love her. Hold her, understand her, listen to her, calm her, be there for her. In your heart, you know she would turn around and do all the same things for you in a heartbeat.

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7 Things To Remember When You're Sad About Being Single

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Let's stop the stigma around being single. Those who aren't in a relationship are not "weak," "missing out," "lonely," etc. We're doing just fine on our own, honey. There may be many plus sides of being in a relationship such as having a cuddle buddy, someone who, without a doubt, will always buy you food, or sharing your love for in each other in endless, cute ways. Buuuuttt... let's not forget these reasons why being single can be so amazing!

1. You save money 

Less shopping for you on Valentine's Day, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. SAVE THAT MONEY, HONEY!

2. You can flirt with whoever you want...

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