The Kind Of Man I Know I Need

The Kind Of Man I Know I Need

To know this man is to experience the love and joy of the Lord.

I was first called "boy crazy" when I was in seventh grade. My best friend's parents used to laugh at me on our beach trips, saying "Christy, you better be careful with that heart of yours." And while it was a joke back then, that was honestly some very wise advice.

High school was pretty normal, except I can't remember a time when I didn't have a "crush" on someone. The boys I was attracted to were your average high school athletes: the catcher of the baseball team, the star basketball player, the all-region wide receiver. That's the kind of guy I thought I needed. One who was athletic, tough, handsome, and caring. One who would give me attention when I felt unlovable. One who would tell me I'm prettier than the other girls or would tell me how "attractive" it was that I played sports. This was the kind of love I thought I needed.

I came to college and not much changed. I found myself clinging to the attention any boy gave me. Whether it was a boy in my class or some drunk guy downtown, I figured that any attention I could get was better than no attention at all. I figured that if these boys, these athletic, charming, popular boys, weren't interested in me, no one else would be.

And don't we all feel that way? If we don't notice boys looking at us from across the room or get Snapchats from the guys daily, we start to ask ourselves what exactly is wrong with us. However, what we're failing to realize is that that is not the kind of affection that the man we deserve will show us. That's not the kind of affirmation we need to prove to us we're worth it.

You see, after all of these years, I've realized that I have prioritized the wrong qualities in my list of what makes an "attractive" man. I've focused on the material possessions, the accomplishments, and the six-pack of abs that he can put on his resume. I've focused on his hair color, his athletic abilities, and the brand of shirt he wears. And by focusing on all of these qualities, I've lost sight of what I know I really want and really need in a man.

At the end of the day, I know what my heart really wants: a man who makes me laugh until I cry, prays before each meal, hugs like a teddy bear, and loves well. He's the man who encourages me to grow closer to the Lord and holds me accountable. My trust in his faithfulness to me won't dwindle because he doesn't immediately text me back.

He's the man whose presence makes you feel Jesus. He's the man who makes you desire more and more of the Lord with everything he says and does. His watch may not be gold, but his heart definitely is. He's the same Friday night as he is Sunday morning. And though he may not have a stacked resume and toned legs, he's the man that the Lord wants for me. He'll love me unconditionally and unceasingly. Bob Goff says, "That's what love does -- it pursues blindly, unflinchingly, and without end. When you go after something you love, you'll do anything it takes to get it, even if it costs everything.” That's the way I need to be loved, and the only man who will love me that way is a man who's heart is for the Lord.

On my wedding day, I want to be as giddy as I was on our first date. I want to look back at all of the fights and the hard times and smile because of the way he handled them. I want to look back and see how well he has loved me and how his love is a direct representation of the love the Father has for me.

Simply put, the man I need is the man who needs the Lord before he needs me. He's compassionate, selfless, understanding, generous, intentional, and diligent. He follows the Lord's call for him no matter how hard or how badly he doesn't want to. In everything he does, he glorifies the Lord. He speaks life to everyone and loves everyone he encounters well. To know this man is to experience the love and joy of the Lord.

This is the kind of love that I need: a consistent, unconditional love. The physical qualities and material possessions still catch my eye, but I'm learning to not let them steal my heart. I know I deserve a love that reflects the love the Lord has for me. I know that I deserve a man whose heart is already captivated by the Lord. I know that this is what I need.

And the exciting news is that he's waiting for me. And while waiting for this love is frustrating and lonely, I know that settling for any other kind of love will just leave me empty and heartbroken. He's (hopefully) praying for me every day, asking the Lord to bring me to him through His perfect timing. So instead of settling for second best, I've been praying that the Lord will give me the patience to know that His perfect plan is indeed perfect.

And to you, dear one, who is reading this and relating to every word: know that the Lord has such a perfect, wonderful man waiting for you. I urge you to pray for him, to pray for yourself, to never settle, and to be patient. The Lord is good, and His plan for you is better than you can imagine.

Cover Image Credit: Indie Wedding Guide

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.


Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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Actual Nice Guys Do Exist, But We Don't Come Easy

We are out there, but there are reasons you can't find us.


Guys hear it all of the time from their female counterparts, especially good guys: "My guy is rude and we're going to break up," or we hear, "Now that I'm single and have had my heart broken, I'm wondering if there really are nice guys out there." Yeah, well there's something to this and it might surprise you.

First off, the numbers game, because if you have read any of my articles, you know I like to use numbers and statistical data to make my points and arguments. Here is one that will blow your mind: as of 2017, the last time they actually processed the numbers, we had 7.53 billion people on Earth. 7.53 BILLION! That's a real number-look it up! Google it! I promise it is there and let's face it, Google is so advanced now, it finds everything and practically knows everything. Dig a little deeper in this and you will find that 49.5% of the world are females. That means that there are more guys than girls on planet Earth and the numbers game is actually more in your favor than ours.

So, what's the problem? Well, there are a few avenues we can take in asking why. First and foremost, the standards you have set might not be the same kind of standards that are truly in your heart. It's true: girls like bad guys for whatever reason, but c'mon you don't marry the bad guy if you really want it to last. Secondly, you might be settling with that kind of attraction and you're better than that and you probably don't even realize it!

That is a truly scary part because chances are, you're worth way more than that and you just haven't realized your self-worth, at least on the surface. That's not bad though, that's part of life. Finally, it isn't all about you and your faults, nice guys have them too.

We've been burned by girls we've adored, and we've been hurt by them too.

We have experienced toxic relationships just like you have and you're not wanting to see guys like that. Chances are, you've already friend zoned a guy that has always wanted to date you or is really worth your time and you just didn't pay attention.

Timing is everything and if he isn't shy, he hasn't asked you out yet because he either has reservations that he's not the guy you're looking for at the moment or he's got his own stuff going on trying to better himself. These guys love being your friend, but chances are have wanted something better because he's already seen you on the other end of being in the same position he has. It's not that he isn't trying to be assertive, he would be. However, he's thinking "well even though she's my type, I'm clearly not hers" and that's a real thing, ladies.

Nice guys may not be jerks but that doesn't mean they are betas. Some of us like to hunt, fish, go to the beach, drive really fast, ride rollercoasters, shoot guns at a range, or going to the bar to have a couple of beers. There are a lot of alpha males that do mainly things (such as grow a beard and listen to metal music) and still are just genuinely nice.

Here's a huge disconnect in relationships: many women consider a nice man, is a weak man.

That's not true either. You cross a nice man, you'll know it and you'll see a different side of him when he's angry. He'll be temporarily the guy you broke up with before him. The difference is he'll apologize to you and actually mean it. You'll realize he was just mad and that was a temporary thing because in the back of your mind you understand that you finally achieved in getting what you were looking for.


There are nice guys who fit both of that criteria that will adore you for who you are, spoil you in a way you've probably never experienced before, and love you as much as a boyfriend can that in some ways (not the creepy way) remind you of that care that your father has for you. Because ultimately that's what you want right — a guy you know your dad would like and an ultimately a guy that you'd be proud of introducing him to your dad? You don't want your dad second guessing your choice like when Brian Cranston gets pissed at his daughter for bringing James Franco home in "Why him."

What I'm saying is for whatever the reason you might not realize, you have absolutely been settling. I'm telling you to STOP! Stop settling and showing yourself you don't deserve better because you do. You want that cheesy happily ever after and ending you see in romcoms and Hallmark movies? Realize how valuable you are and what you can bring to a relationship with a nice guy. You're not settling by picking a nice guy if that's truly what you want, you're getting a forever, not a Friday.

Unless there's something special about you, people do tend to not open up too fast and there are reasons for that. If I do, then you're extremely special and when I mean extremely special, I'm talking you're a pearl in a mountain full of empty oyster shells. Sometimes I come off bored or disinterested. That means that I'm playing my hand or I'm debating on whether this is gonna go anywhere — try harder.

Nothing worth having is easy: you gotta fight for it.

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