As I turn back to these pages again

It feels like I'm never gonna ascend.

Trapped in an ever turning wheel

Constantly speaking; but is any of it real?

Do these words ever capture how I truly feel?

Why am I rhyming?

Is it just how I felt like whining?

Really it's an experiment

Hopefully one I will not lament.

Everybody says vary your style

but this feels so forced like a child

Who has been forced into this world

Pursuing worthless task until he wants to curl

Up and just stop, rewind the days back

To when the most complicated thing was a snack.

Glad I got that out of my system. Endless positivity is more unsustainable than fossil fuels. And just like the fossil fuels, I'll keep using it until something better comes along. I really do love writing and math and philosophy and learning, but some days it feels like I'm. Just screaming up at the void. You just ask yourself, “What's the point?” Oddly enough that this feeling decided to appear at this time. It's too early for me to have failed my resolutions, not to mention I didn't have any.

Yet I'm left distraught

Burdened by a single thought

That it's all meaningless

And that I should dream less

And probably just try less

Man this is just a fine mess.

Honestly if the notion to continuously advance forward wasn't pounded like a nail into my skull. Ugh. I'd be just laying in bed waiting for oblivion to get me, or all those midnight mac and cheeses. How do you guys feel when you're in a rut? I imagine like you're in a rut. Really this is just a losing battle. My words are meaningless because my opinions are meaningless and one day we will all die probably before the sun swallows Earth. Yep just call it a day because we won't always have them.

But isn't that expiration date what gives all of this value? Knowing that our days are numbered keeps their value from inflating, which is a godsend in this economy. It's the brevity of a good time that inspires rarity. And that is how I'll find my serenity. Because we should take solace in that everything is meaningless. Now we have a canvas to create and derive our own meanings. That's wonderfully brilliant and is what will give us the chance to make every other day even better. Just like how clouds roll in, then leave with the weather.