I recently read an article somewhere about how anxiety has become a way for people to gain attention. I remember reading this article and thinking oh my god is that me?! Am I not really an anxiety sufferer? is that even a word? It is now.
But then I remember that when you really have anxiety you know. Often people do assume being anxious for a test, or a job interview means you have it. But as someone who is very open about her Generalized Anxiety Diagnosis, I can say that everyone is anxious about those things!
For people who don't suffer from anxiety, it is hard for them to understand. It is hard for them to get a sense of what anxiety truly is. Which people with anxiety may say " you have no idea how lucky you are" but truly mean it.
You may be anxious about that job interview but for a person with anxiety that interview is everything, we feel that in our bones. When it comes to making a choice for the future career wise you think about literally every possible outcome, including the fails. With anxiety failing means you are done for, it means that because you failed once you will fail always. This goes beyond careers this goes for anything future wise. I wish I could say yes to everything the way I say Yes to concerts so fast!
Anxiety is talking yourself out of a panic attack on the bedroom floor because no one is picking up their phones, while your breath feels like its barely coming, your mind shuts down, and the world feels smaller. Anxiety is feeling like someone is putting pressure on your chest, while kneeing you in the gut. Anxiety is worrying about literally letting everyone down, because well its hard to remember you can't please everyone, and you can't make everyone like you, but with anxiety you are constantly being told in your mind "dont you dare mess up, if you do no one will like you, everyone will leave, you will get fired,etc".
There really is no mercy when it comes to having your friend anxiety around, especially when it can happen anywhere. It can be in a concert hall of 5,000 people or by yourself on the bedroom floor at 2 am. There is no warning, no signs, it simply just happens.
To people without anxiety the choice between picking orange or apple might mean nothing, but to someone with anxiety, it might mean the world. Sounds ridiculous right?? To an anxiety sufferer, the orange might be better than the apple, but if I pick the orange I could be upsetting the apple and if I pick the apple it might mean that the orange will be rotten by tomorrow. ( okay yes this is a silly comparison but it gets the point across!)
Anxiety is exhausting, it makes you question simple things, so to those of you who are completely and utterly exhausted just remember you have made choices before, Some turned out good, some turned out bad, but you lived. You made it through yesterday, you will make it through today, and you will kick tomorrows ass.
Never let anyone make you feel invalid, because you my friend are OK!
Happy Mental Health Awareness Month
As always Hugs and Music Notes,
Zanna
