'Tell me a bit about yourself'
I was recently prompted with this statement and my response was the very basics of my schooling and employment, but the extent of what I can say about myself stopped there. Being in the phase between high school and college, my activities have come to a close and I still await what I will be involved in once I move into college. These past few months I have begun to realize that almost everything I do is for the purpose of benefiting others in some way.
I have always felt like if what I am doing does nothing to benefit someone else then it is not worth doing
Every hobby I have been interested in I have turned down because of my ability. I often find myself questioning the purpose behind hobbies, such as crafting, as it has been drilled into my mind that if I am not able to give my creations away as gifts or sell what I have made, it is not worth my time. When it comes to hobbies this was not always my mindset.
When I was younger, I would spend every free moment reading
Somewhere along the line, though, reading became taken over by my phone, and instead of something I did for the pleasure, it became strictly for the classroom. My love for books never went away, but instead, it became something I needed to place a greater purpose behind. I love reading in classroom settings where I am able to analyze, discuss, and write about them. Yet, the aspect of reading with the goal of just enjoying it has not been part of my life for a while.
Since beginning high school I have drawn the conclusion that I am not the 'type' to be someone who reads recreationally. The girls I have known who read for fun are people I saw as a lot smarter than me. I figured reading would not be a good hobby for me because I didn't place myself in the same group as the incredibly intelligent individuals I knew enjoyed reading. I separated myself from books because somehow I did not think I was 'good enough' to enjoy them.
I have had a lot more time on my hands recently and somewhere along the line I
chose to give reading for pleasure another chance
In requiring all that I do to serve in some larger purpose I have been robbing myself of feeling the calming joy that comes from doing something just for fun. It has not been long, but I have already loved curling up in my bed with my cat (cliche, I know) just to read a book I think may be interesting. I have a stack of books awaiting me, and I cannot wait to give them all a read!
