I needed to be ghosted, at least once, so I could learn how to move on.
The term "ghosting" is funny to me. We live in a world that makes it so easy to forget about someone and remove them from your life. It's something that is so common, it's almost normal in a sense. You don't like someone? Easy solution, you ghost them. But doesn't it suck to be the one left in the dark? Always wondering what you did wrong?
You never forget the first person to ghost you. I feel like at the time you have no idea that it will be the first of many.
When I was in high school, I squirmed at the thought of a guy that actually wanted to talk to me or get to know me. Leading me to enter college as the virgin of all virgins. I guess I just never thought guys wanted me in any way, so I always pushed people away.
That was until I met Dan. He was tall, cute, smart and very respectful. He worked in the campus center with me and I had the biggest crush on him for a while. I walked into my office one day and there he was, sitting on my desk talking to one of my coworkers. I was sweating. He looked up at me and introduced himself, I pretended I didn't know who he was. Playing it cool, you know? Anyway, he stayed and chatted for a while and then left the office, dust in the wind.
Minutes later I received a notification on my phone, it was from him. He messaged me on Facebook asking me for my number, he said he thought I was cute. I died inside. Of course, after playing hard to get for five minutes, I sent my number over to him. We started talking and I thought we really connected.
He would invite me to his office during the day and we'd sit and watch YouTube videos, hot date I know. He'd talk to me about his life and what he wanted to do with it. His hopes and dreams and how he was going to do big things one day, I listened. I never really squeezed a word in. Every time I spoke he would be staring at the computer and laughing. I'd tell him something about my life and he'd say, "yeah, look at this funny video I just found…" It was frustrating, but I let it go.
Anyway, I thought things were going well. He started to drift but I thought it was because of finals and having a crazy life schedule. A few months into it I went to Europe for two weeks. I remember feigning for wifi just to check to see if he sent me anything. He didn't, but I still craved his attention. I remember staying up at night thinking "why isn't he texting me? Why doesn't he want to know how my trip is going?"
When I got back, I waited for him to text me and ask how everything was. Thankfully, he did. He invited me over and I gave him the present I got him during my travels. We talked about the trip and I went home. Classes were starting that Monday so I figured I'd see him soon anyway.
The first day of classes rolled around and I was so excited to see him on campus again. Maybe this semester we'd take it to the next step, right? As I was walking to the office I saw him in the distance walking my way. He actually walked past me, refusing to make eye contact. I texted him. He read it. He didn't answer.
Thinking he was just busy or in a bad mood I waited to text him again later. He read it. No response. I was so confused. Why wouldn't he reply to me? What did I do?
I asked our mutual friend to help me figure it out. I asked him to text Joe and try to set up a double date. He texted Dan. He replied, "I'm down, I've been trying to stop talking to Sam, but that sounds fun. Let's just not go anywhere too fancy haha." Dagger in the heart.
I was hurt. It was the worst thing someone had ever done to me, it sucked, but I accepted it. Shortly after he met a new girl and they dated for quite some time, which sucked even more. I think I know where the whole not wanting to talk to me thing came from.
Being ghosted for no reason ruined me at the time. I constantly wondered what was wrong with me and what I could have done differently to prevent it. At the time, I didn't understand what was going on. Nobody had ever done that to me and it hurt in a way that I had never experienced before.
Looking back on it now, I'm glad he did that. Ghosting sucks but that really just showed that he wasn't right for me. As I carried on with life, of course, the situation of being ghosted has reoccured. But for me, I had a better understanding of recognizing and dealing with it.
If someone does not want to be in your life, let them leave. If you have to fight for their attention or constantly wish that they would communicate with you, they don't care. As odd as it sounds, I think everyone should be ghosted. I know that can be hard to hear, but it's the truth.
I was removed from Dan's life because he had other plans for himself that didn't involve me. He ghosted me, and I'm ok with that. If he hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to have the love experiences that I had with others that helped me grow as a person.
Maybe I should, But I don't wish anything bad on Dan. He knew what he wanted and it wasn't me, and that's ok. Being ghosted can be hard, and it sucks. But it can also act as a teaching moment. Maybe that person wasn't meant for you, but someone else is. Someone who will give you all of the attention you need and you deserve. It taught me about letting go, which seems to be a common theme in my life. If you dwell on what isn't there and what isn't happening for you, you won't grow.
So if you meet a Dan and he ghosts you, you might just not be what he wants and that's ok. Keep your head up, keep on moving and know that the best is yet to come.