(Still) Learning To Let Go

This has been sitting in my drafts for two weeks.

I've spent the last two years of my life trying to stop dwelling on the past and enjoying the time I have now (because that's what Ferris Bueller would want me to do). That's why this is so hard to write. Part of me doesn't want to reckon with lost friendships because I've spent so much time thinking about them already. Still, I'm about to do what I do best: overshare on the internet.

This post exists solely because my friend asked what to do after her friends left her and started talking about her behind her back. I've been on both sides of that situation, and you probably have too. No one comes out better for it.

I've lost touch with a few people, which is pretty normal for high school. Sometimes it was as simple as us not having any classes together. Other times, it's because I was more emotionally available for them than they were for me. Every time, though, it stings thinking about how drastically our friendship changed.

I used to blame it all on the other person. I couldn't fathom myself as part of the problem. Maybe it was just typical 14-15 year old arrogance, but it lead to certain people taking up too much real estate in my head.

I knew deep down that friendships don't just die because of one person, and at some point I would have to be real with myself. I decided that freshman and sophomore year would not be it. I hung on to bitterness for people that didn't deserve it, and it only made me feel worse.

The summer going into junior year, I realized that my hanging on to two failed friendships was impacting my relationship with the friends I did have. That's when I knew I had to deal with my feelings. I realized that I had trouble letting go of certain people because I knew I hadn't done my part in keeping the friendship alive, either.

I wish I could tell you I got closure, but I really didn't. While I'm friendly with those people again, I know that we'll never be as close as we were. I also know that we'll never have the talk I so desperately want to have. And that's okay.

I learned to appreciate the memories I had with my old friends while it lasted, I learned to be happy for people even when I wasn't a part of their life anymore, and I learned to focus on the many healthy relationships I do have.

I do still think about some of the people I used to call my friends, but there's more nostalgia than bitterness there now.

So what do you do if your friends leave you and talk about you behind your back? Some serious self-reflection, first of all. Then you take a look at the friends you do have. Put your love and energy towards those people; focus on fostering meaningful relationships. It's easy to fall into a self-pity spiral, but in the end you'll only push the people still close to you away.

It's not easy to let go, especially when you have no closure, but you'll be a better person if you try to. If this was a YA novel, I'd tell you my ex-friends and I talked everything out and we're super close now. Unfortunately, these words come from a teenager in North Jersey, not Meg Cabot. A big part of growing up is learning to be okay with bittersweet (or just bitter) endings and growing from them.

Honestly, I didn't know where this article was going when I wrote it, and I hope it's somewhat cohesive right now. I just wanted to get this out because it's been intimidating me in my drafts for 14 days.

I have prom tomorrow, which means I have to go shave my legs instead of elaborate, but if you want to talk about anything in here, feel free to reach out to me on Instagram (@sneyuh).

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

This Survey Shows How Quarantine And Drinking Relate, And I Can't Say I'm Surprised

"5 o'clock somewhere" is more of a guideline now than ever.

As it stands, and my friends and I are finally 21. We're extremely excited to be able to go out to bars and "get lit" as the kids say, but due to the pandemic, all of our plans have been put on hold. We'd rather wait and go when it's safe than risk spreading the infection and hurting our loved ones. So, we've all been quarantining apart, getting on the occasional wine zoom call. This made me wonder if anyone else our age were doing the same thing.

Then, I discovered this survey: We Surveyed Millennials And Gen Z About Their Quarantine Drinking Habits — Cheers. Here are 3 things that I discovered through the survey results.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Easy Summer Mocktail Recipes You Can Make With Items You Probably Already Have On-Hand

Keep these drinks in mind next time you're visiting your local farmer's market — you might want to grab some extra mint and limes.

With Summer 2020 in full swing comes the addition of many fresh fruits and vegetables to brighten up your dinner plate, but also your glass! Farmers markets are my personal favorite place to look for produce that is in season to make fun mocktails with.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Ways To Celebrate The 4th of July — Without Fireworks Or Social Gatherings

We created a list of things to do since social distancing may create a dent in our typical, planned traditions.

With the Fourth of July on Saturday, the usual tradition of popping fireworks, grilling out, and being surrounded by family has been modified due to the pandemic. Whether you're a loner or surrounded by family, there will most likely be some changes to your celebrations.

For weeks on social media, people across the country have been complaining that they have been subjected to fireworks going off at all times of the night into the early morning. This has sparked concern and questions about why this is happening and how are people even obtaining the fireworks.

Keep Reading... Show less

Carb And Cheese Lovers, Unite — These Are The Best Mac And Cheese Recipes On The Internet

Whether you need to get through the current pandemic or want to spice up your Fourth of July celebrations, these mac and cheese recipes will do just that.


My favorite food is mac and cheese, and it always has been. All it requires is noodles and cheese — it's so simple to make. Although it's my favorite, it can also get kind of mundane because it's such a simple recipe. This, of course, has led to many people all over the world experimenting with the American staple.

With our lives currently being turned upside down due to the pandemic, a lot of people are seeking comfort. These are scary times, and in order to make it day-to-day, we need to have our favorite foods as a standby. These recipes can also be used during your celebration of the Fourth of July.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

17 Things To Make You Feel GOOD This Week

Because some purchases are just necessary.

Y'all, we're struggling. You don't even have to tell me, I know. What a mess we're all in, right? This year is not going how we planned and the world has turned into one giant struggle bus. I guess you could be super philosophical about everything happening for a reason, but sometimes life is just hard.

There are plenty of ways to bring yourself out of whatever rut you're in. You could go for a run, have a snack, or read a book. Or, if you're really looking for an adrenaline rush, go shopping. This is obviously not going to solve the world's problems with one swift click of the "checkout" button, but hey, it may just give you the little boost you need today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Wore A Butt Mask Every Day For A Month, And It's Officially Essential In My Daily Self-Love Routine Now

Thirty days later, my booty's as smooth as a baby's.

- Blissfully unaware that butt-care beyond squats was even something I should be considering in my self-care routine, I tried one of Bawdy Beauty's butt masks for the first time a month ago.

- I've never really given my butt a second though till I took a look at improvements that could be made with the mask — if one of the hydrating, firming, detoxifying, or brightening masks in the kit I received could either smooth out cellulite or tone my skin a bit more, I wasn't going to complain.

- Each Bawdy Beauty sheet mask comes in an individually-packaged sheet, soaked with a serum I massaged into my skin after removing said sheet. The clay butt mask comes in a convenient stick format I simply draw on to my skin and leave to set for about 10 minutes before hopping into the shower.

- I set a goal of committing myself to butt-care every day for one month. Between the regular use of sheet masks, clay masks, and their CBD Butt Balm in between, I didn't have many expectations.

- I thought the whole concept may just be a gimmick, but my butt has never looked so toned in my life, and the cellulite I had is almost completely gone. I wear one every single day when I get the chance.

I'm incredibly skeptical when it comes to marketing ploys and gimmicks in the beauty world. I'll be the first cynic to try out the latest serum on the market every influencer is raving about just to negate every grandiose claim it makes.

Keep Reading... Show less

Friends, you don't have to be quarantined to use a personal massager, you know? Because, sure, quarantine made for a lot of extra quality time with yourself, but no matter what phase of the reopening process you're in, it's normal and actually healthy to take care of your sexual needs on your own.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Books I Didn't Realize Are About Gay Women

If you read primarily LGBTQ fiction, then this list might help to expand your TBR list.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Frequent readers of LGBTQ fiction might feel like they're reading the same book over and over again, with few exceptions.

Most of these books were on my TBR list for months and I didn't realize they were about gay women until I was reading them, hopefully, this list of books can interest you in expanding your reading material and seeking out different stories.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments