Letting go of first love is one of the hardest things set in our paths. The thing about first love is you never really forget them either. They were in your life during a time of significant growth so from there on they always tend to cast shadows on certain memories. A certain place you can't quite enjoy the same because you went there with them. A certain song that use to be your favorite but you can' t listen to it anymore. Even a certain smell that catches in your throat as they cross your mind.
You recall certain moments they made you feel so alive, so invisible. Then wonder why you ever let that drown out. You think back to all the moments you laughed together. You miss that feeling you'd get in your chest when a smile appeared on their face because you know you put it there. You miss the excitement of feeling love for the first time, the butterflies.
However, then you recall the deterioration. How some days you could be sitting right next to them and the loneliness was just too much to bear. How the fights came more and more often, with the once exited fire dimensioning farther into ash. You feel your chest sink when you think about how it got to a point that even when they tried you found it hard to believe the effort.
But you forgave them, over and over again. Still now after there is nothing to salvage you still forgive them because they introduced you to love. They gave you so many good memories despite the bad. They showed you kindness when no one else would. They loved you long enough for you to feel how precious that is.
I'll never forget my first love and I'm sure you'll never forget yours, but I have learned as much as a first love will take up a soft spot in our hearts a new love has so much to offer. It took me a long time to forgive and try to forget. Even now with some things, he will still cross my mind, but time has a way of making things fade.
So I guess that's the thing about when it rains; a timeline flashes before my eyes, and then I remember as much as I use to like the rain my appreciation grew stronger for sunny days.
