You know that scene in every movie or TV show where the main character gets in bed, turns off their bedside lamp, and gently closes their eyes for a good night's sleep? Yeah, those scenes are my undoing. Sometimes, I'm genuinely convinced that those scenes were shot and broadcasted with the intention of taunting insomniacs everywhere. For those of us with dramatically complicated relationships with sleep, this is just one kind of struggle that only we would understand. For the sake of relatable entertainment, I've created a list of five struggles that only us insomniacs would understand.
1. "I'm just tired..."
This is the most commonly used phrase in our repertoire. It also happens to be the number one phrase your friends are openly sick of hearing you say.
2. You've heard, read, and tried all the common "I swear by it" tips and tricks for falling asleep.
Example A: Don't participate in anything but sleep and sex within the confines of your own bed so that your body strictly associates it with rest (and sex).
Example B: Turn off all technology within two hours of bed time because the bright lights act as long term stimuli.
Example C: Don't drink coffee past 6 p.m. and absolutely no food or water within an hour of bed time so that you don't have to get up in the middle of the night for the bathroom.
Example D: The ultimate Sophie's Choice... Melatonin v. Valerian.
3. Sleeping in the same bed as someone is never a simple task.
When falling asleep on your own is difficult, giving up some of that precious personal space and sharing with a possible heavy breather, snorer, or drooler is just asking for a night of wide eyed wakefulness.
4. When you had sleepovers as a child, you were the only one up until 6 a.m.
When all the other children dropped from their sugar highs and fell asleep on any open surface, you were the one sitting up with the TV on mute just hoping one of them would wake up and play with you. Although that sounds pretty sad, there's also a chance you were that kid who was out like a light by 11 p.m. because it just so happened to be that precious night your insomnia didn't kick in. If that was you, then your friends knew not to ruin your bliss and left you alone until morning, when they'd call you old and boring for passing out before they secretly watched rated R movies and binged on sugar and root beer.
5. Working out is necessary when creating a sleep schedule but almost impossible to regularly do when you're sleepless.
As much as you try to convince yourself that daily exercise is just as useless of a tip as every other trick on the list, it's actually one of the only effective methods out there. The more exhausted you can get both your brain and body throughout the day, the better off you are when your head hits the pillow. Best case, you're out within an hour or two. Worst, you're up all night anyway but can at least comfort yourself with the knowledge that your body was productive at some point throughout the day.
Despite all the struggles, we insomniacs do know how to get one thing right - we know how to have a good time when sleep is unattainable and the night is filled with opportunity. So if I'm not in bed by midnight, you can probably find me out and about, making use of my favorite city in the world - feel welcome to join me.
