5 Comments Not To Say
Start writing a post
Health Wellness

Please Stop Saying These 5 "Caring" Comments

The last thing we want is to make the people we care about feel worse.

115
Please Stop Saying These 5 "Caring" Comments

When someone is going through a difficult time we often struggle to know what to say. We want to think of the perfect comment, but find ourselves relying on common phrases we've heard in the past. While our intentions are good, the words we choose sometimes hold hidden meanings that are hurtful to those we are trying to support. The next time you are comforting a friend, consider what you are actually trying to say and don't commit these verbal faux pas.

"Everyone gets tired/sad/etc sometimes."

Giphy

What it sounds like: "Stop whining and get over it. It's not that bad."

What you probably meant: "I want to relate to what you are going through and I don't want you to get stuck in a rut."

What you could say instead: "I am here for you and I know that we'll get through this."

While it's true that everyone gets tired or sad or some other unpleasant third thing sometimes, it's incredibly invalidating when our feelings are dismissed simply because they are not unique to us. It's even worse when our situation is described with a watered-down adjective like "tired", especially if we're battling something like chronic fatigue syndrome or depression. By letting them know you care enough to be there for them, you are helping your loved one feel much less alone than you would if you tried to convince them that everyone felt the way that they do.

"At least things aren't worse."

Giphy

What it sounds like: "You aren't allowed to be upset about your situation."

What you probably meant: "I've always been told to focus on the positive."

What you could say instead: "What you're going through is really hard." Or a similar phrase that describes and validates their situation.

When we're feeling poor in life, it can be helpful to remind ourselves of the things for which we are grateful (and therefore the things keeping our lives from being "worse"). However, the moment someone starts telling me to be grateful for things, my rebellious nature comes out and I want to shove them out of my way and yell that I'm grateful they're out of my life. That's a bit dramatic, but the sentiment remains that sometimes we need validation instead of a lecture.

"I know how you feel."

Giphy

What it sounds like: "I think our experiences are the same, even though they aren't. I'm not going to take the time to understand your situation."

What you probably meant: "I don't want you to feel alone and I want to connect with you."

What you could say instead: "I can only imagine what this may be like for you. Can you tell me more?"

Unless you have gone through the same situation as the person you are consoling, you don't know how they feel. Even if you have gone through the same thing, we each have unique reactions to our experiences. Instead of making assumptions, allow others to explain their feelings and take the time to truly listen.

"If you need anything, let me know."

Giphy

What it sounds like: "I care about you, but I can't be bothered."

What you probably meant: "I care about you, but I'm not sure how to help."

What you could say: "I'm going to the grocery store. Is there anything that you need?"

The more specific the offer for help, the better. We have all been raised in a society that covets independence and condemns relying on others as a failure and that makes it difficult to ask for support. During a time when I was struggling to make myself proper dinners, a close friend made me a meal that followed my diet restrictions. To this day, it's one of nicest things anyone has ever done for me. If you want to help someone, be serious about it and consider what daily tasks you can take off their plate.

"God never gives us more than we can handle."

Giphy

What it sounds like: "You should be able to handle this and you are just being weak/lazy if you can't."

What you probably meant: "I have faith that you will be able to get through this."

What you could say: "I cherish you, so I want you to keep fighting. I admire your strength." Or simply, "We will get through this together."

This is something that I pretty much never want to hear under any circumstances. It's dismissive, accusatory and makes assumptions about one's faith. When we're feeling overwhelmed, the last thing we need is to feel guilty for struggling.

If you've said these things you are a horrible person a human being and it's okay. Have compassion, validate each other's experiences and practice empathy when comforting those around you. Our loved ones will know we care about them, despite our occasional flaw in judgment.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

58763
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

37912
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

959453
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

195036
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments