Living in the “Buckle of the Bible Belt” these last few years, I have heard, read and seen the phrase “love the sinner, hate the sin” more times than I can possibly count. I would say 99 percent of the time, it’s uttered when people are talking about those darn gay people that are ruining lives of all the good Christian men and women of East Texas and the World. I don’t hate a lot of things, but I hate that phrase with such a passion that any time I hear it, I feel like I need to go outside and just scream at the sky for a little while.

Guess what? When you say that phrase, you’re not really advocating loving anyone. When you say that phrase about a gay person, you are about as far from loving that person as you could possibly be. Being gay is not a sin, and no, nothing you say, no Bible verses you spout or catechism you read to me will ever convince me otherwise. If you do think it’s a sin because your Bible or your preacher tells you it is, then that’s your prerogative and I know that nothing I say will ever convince you otherwise, just like nothing you say will convince me. But think about it for a minute: Why should your personal beliefs dictate how other people live? Why do your beliefs matter more than theirs? Why do you think your opinion is wanted on the matter from which you are so far removed, or that you have the right to tell someone that their very person is wrong?

Many people will say, “But if we don’t tell them they’re wrong, then we are doing wrong by them by letting them live in sin.” Guess what? No one asked you if you think they’re living in sin or not! Just because your religion thinks that their lifestyle is a sin does not mean it is a sin. We are a country built on the belief that all people have the right to live their lives and express faith, or lack of faith, in whatever way they wish. That means that you can go on holding those beliefs, but that also means that others can go on holding the opposite belief. Your belief that loving someone of the same gender is wrong does not trump their belief that it is right.

Laws cannot be passed that favor one religion or lack of one over another, and since just about every argument against same-sex marriage is based in religion, laws should not be passed to deny anyone that right. Give me an argument against same-sex marriage that is not based on religion. I’ll wait. And while you’re at it, start preaching against other things your religion dictates are wrong with the same veracity you do against same-sex marriage, because, even though I do see people condemn things like divorce, adultery and cohabitation, never is it to the same degree.

Here’s a practical suggestion. How about we just love instead of hate? How about we stop referring to everyone as “sinners” and start referring to each other as people? Because when you call someone a sinner, you are looking only at what is wrong with them, not what is so beautiful and right about them. Instead of seeing them as a child of God, you are looking to them as a product of Satan’s influence and actively searching for the dark instead of the light. You claim to be hating only the sin, but when that “sin” is something that a person cannot change, and should not have to change (because it’s not a sin), then you are very much hating the person.

I have seen “Christians” treat gay people in a manner that is absolutely horrendous and does not honor their dignity. When you push for legislation that would deny them joys in life like marriage, adoption, end of life care and myriad other things, you are not loving them. You are not “saving” them from anything. You’re just spreading hatred and pain. Because nothing you do or say is going to change them.

The idea that being gay is wrong and is something that needs to be “fixed” can manifest in very evil ways. it contributes to a culture that leads to acts of violence against gay people, most notably the Orlando shooting just a month ago, but also countless other microaggressions or acts of violence. Just look up how many transgender people are killed for living their lives authentically, or how many countries have laws against being gay or how many LGBT youth still attempt suicide. There has never been a better time to be gay in America, but there is still so much work to do on eradicating the hate that still exists.

If you are truly a Christian, you will love these brothers and sisters and nothing less. You will show them your faith and your Christ in your actions. Our God is a loving one, and if we are to spread His message, then we must spread Love. I challenge you to love the person and forget all else.