All athletes, no matter what the age, go through a time of lasts. That last practice before the last game, and then the last team huddle before its goodbye. I still haven’t decided if dragging out the process made it easier or worse. I had my last practice where I gave it all I had and really just played to play, no pressure, and understanding that’s how you should play all the time. Then I got on the bus for a trip I didn’t know would be my last. I cheered on my teammates just like I always did no matter how I felt about being on the bench. What I didn’t realize was the giant hole in my heart after deciding not to return for another season.
Days go by during the off season and normally I would be anxious for practice to start again and the games. The competitive nature of sports is probably my favorite part. This off season, I was working my tail off for all the other activities going on in my life from school to family, residence life, work, and all other activities I’m involved in just seemed to keep piling up. It wasn’t until I felt like I gained 50 pounds and returned for the second semester that I felt like something was missing. Seeing softball pants on old teammates and new one I never got to know…walking through indoor practice seeing each and every player getting better…saying hi to Coach in the hallway…That’s when the hole in my heart I ignored for so long slowly grew bigger.
I knew there was no going back to the game I left behind, but that doesn’t mean I don’t continue the love and support my teammates, so this one is for you.
I’ll be there, I can’t promise it’s for every pitch, error, hit, or win, but I’ll be there. You can find me cheering you on from the left field fence. You’ll notice that I’m out there smiling at your endurance and growth from years past and cheering you on to do your best. There will be times of disappointment when I know you can do better. I also know that you are your own worst critic, so you really don’t need to hear it from me. I might not pay attention 100% of the time, because I might have 500 other things on my mind, or I’ll be sharing some of my fondest memories with the strangers around me.
You don’t have to worry about me, because I’ve found other things in my life to fill the void quitting has created, but always remember I’ll be your biggest fan. I’ve only moved from the dugout to the foul line. Call me up when you want to play catch, send me a message when you think of all the crazy times we had on Spring Break trips because I like reminiscing about those things too, and don’t ever stop striving for the best because another day brings another chance to get better.
One last thing, you were the last people I wanted to disappoint. It wasn’t the team I gave up, but the sport. It was time to give my body rest, take a moment to breathe, and think about what I wanted next for myself. Don’t ever think I was leaving you, because leaving the game I’ve played since preschool was one of the hardest things I ever did.
With Love and Support,
From the Left Field Fence
