Everyone knows about the legendary sport's formals twice a year. Well, except the NARPs (nonathletic regular people). It's the time of year that we get to dress up and celebrate all of the hard work on the field and in the classroom. So, here's the stages that happen during these wonderful events.
1. Awkwardness.
First things first, as athletes we embrace our beloved sweats. So seeing people dressed to the nines is just weird. All of the girls are wearing dresses with their hair and makeup done and the guys actually showered. It is really nice to see that we can all dress up, but it's a strange sight.
2. I Don't Know You...
These are my people and you are not my people. When you walk in and get over how good everyone looks for once, you noticed the people that aren't actually on a team. Trust me, when you play a sport you know everyone on your team and the corresponding other sex's team. So when you see those random dates that you have never seen before you get confused.
3. Everyone say "cheese!"
It's picture time and everyone is posing and making this formal look a lot more fun than it actually is. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and VSCO will all know about this night or it really didn't happen.
4. Acceptance.
Whatever, we are all dressed up and together, so let's have fun. The team songs are played, everyone is dancing and people are happy. The celebration finally begins and the night we are all waiting for is actually happening.
5. The drama.
So someone brought the girl that everyone hates and the guy that home wrecks every relationship is here. Her ex-boyfriend walks in with the random NARP and everyone's just high strung. You either ignore this or engage, either way, someone is going to start a problem.
6. She's crying in the bathroom again?
There is always that one girl that makes the water works happen. Every girl on the team has to console her and eventually there's a schedule. "Okay, you stay with her for five minutes and then we switch?" This way everyone has a good time and is still a good friend.
7. Crap, there's a hole in the wall.
Remember the home wrecker from before? Yeah that guy... Well he did it again and another guy is pissed. Instead of getting a fist to the mouth, the wall is taking it. This means that five girls are trying to nurse his cut up hand and everyone that actually owns the house is pissed. But who cares, at least a fight didn't go down.
8. Attack of the NARPs!
The part of the night has come where the players just don't care anymore (or don't really know). The bored NARPs rip down the doors and make their way in. They were waiting patiently by their phones for that text "It's cool, you can come now." They walk in like they rule the world, but in all honesty, no one really even notices them.
9. Bathroom break.
It's finally that time and the seal must be broken. Too bad the toilet paper fell in the toilet, one girl has trouble getting around the romper and someone else has to do a #2. Some guy finds a window and prays that no one is getting a shower.
10. Did Someone put on Animal Planet?
"Do you two even know each other's name?" "Oh, I guess they are back together." "Oh crap, this is a rebound." "Someone, please get a room!"
11. Can we have our sweats back?
Every guy has spilled on their shirt and has ripped their tie off. The girls want their sweats back and are ready to trade in heels for their cleats. I'm sorry Mom, I know you liked the picture but this is not me. I want my sweats back!
12. Nap time.
Everyone has either met their breaking point or they are just ready for their head to find the pillow. Some want to stay up all night, but eventually the formal goes from two teams to less than one. Every good night must come to an end.
13. The next morning.
Death is upon us. No one really wants to move or do very much at all. We get back together, happier in our normal attire, and recap the whole night. Stories like "She actually did that?" and "Oh, that's why he was pissed." But after everything, we are happy for our formals.
Formals are one of the best events for athletes.
Well, besides winning of course.
