Life is a matter of trust.
I learned this important revelation the hard way on many different occasions.
Characteristically, I, like many people, tend to like to feel in control of things. Call it anxiety, call it ambition, call it whatever you like -- but too much control can be counterproductive. Life is a matter of trust. Control is the antithesis of trust. Over years of trying to micromanage every little detail of life in order to ensure happiness, I found that happiness can't be achieved. Happiness isn't a prize. Contentment is a better word for the feeling that I was searching for.
I was only able to find contentment when I let go of control and learned to trust life for all of its twists and turns. Going with the flow, and learning to appreciate what I end up with instead of pining for what I want to end up with is what truly set me free in the end.
Trusting life is easier said than done. Old habits tend to die hard. Sometimes I still find myself trying to guide events or people in my life in order to fit into goals that I set for myself. Sometimes I find myself becoming upset that things don't always work out the way I want them to. Like everyone else, I am selfish sometimes. Frustrating, or frustrated. The yearning for complete control over my life is constantly nagging me from where it lives in the back of my mind.
When I struggle with letting go of the things that were not meant to me. When this happens I take a breath. I assure myself that it will be okay. I list the things that I am grateful for, and I try to move on. Life is like a revolving door sometimes. Everything you have, had, or will have is liable to be easy come easy go. It pays to not be too attached or too closed off to the future.
Back in September, I wrote a song called "Free" in which I discussed my newfound beliefs on this subject. In it, I wrote that if you want to know what's yours in life, you must set it free. It's based on a quote that I read somewhere: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they were always yours, if they do not, they never were." I deduced that it was the same for everything in life.
It doesn't serve anyone well to have a death grip on life. "You'll never be sure of what's in store until you're open completely, so be free."
Let go a little. Let loose. Have fun.
Sure, life is a wild ride, and at often times difficult, but it is an experience that we only get once.
Be free, and trust the journey.
Peace.
-Sarah.
