After going through my first semester of college, one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that sometimes, no matter what you do, your best may not be good enough. As I am walking home from possibly the hardest final I’ve ever taken, I am hanging my head wondering what went wrong.
I can attest to spending days on end in the library running off a diet of Starbucks, energy drinks and random snacks my friends bring me. Functioning on sometimes less than four hours of sleep, writing an essay for the toughest professor I’ve had or studying for a math test with a teacher who marks off if you breathe wrong during the test. Feeling confident turning in the test or essay, knowing you’ve done everything possible to get a good grade, and only returning with a C- on the essay, or not even a passing grade on the test.
It sucks feeling like you’re not enough and this goes for anything. Sometimes you may not be the first person your friends call to hang out with, you may not be the first girl the cute boy in your English class talks to, and you may not always get the grades you walk into class hoping to get, and that’s completely good enough. You only need to be good enough for yourself. You know you’ve done everything to be the best you can, but if it’s not, why waste time on dwelling on the past and thinking, “oh what could I have done to be different?” I am definitely the type of person to sit in my tiny little dorm room, headphones blasting some really loud song on Pandora, letting tears fall down my face and wondering why I wasn’t good enough. Recently though, I’ve gotten into the mindset of knowing I can’t change the past, and to keep these four things in my mind when I am feeling this way.
1.“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” – Lori Deschene.You can’t question and make yourself into a version of yourself you love. You can’t just keep putting yourself down to a point where, somehow, things change and everything is good again. Take care of yourself and instead of focusing on the past, focus on the good.
2. Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than on how far you have left to go. This goes with the point above. Look how far you’ve come this semester and look how much work you’ve put in.
3. Sometimes in the midst of all the pressure, I seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about myself. When I am in my room feeling bad about myself, I just think to myself: I am smart. I managed to get into college, working with a full schedule of classes. I have good time management skills. I have a lot on my plate between my friends, my family, joining a sorority and being an active member in it. I have a big heart.I am volunteering every week for at least 4 hours every Monday.
4. There is more right with you than wrong with you. This is the part that took me the longest to realize. When you are feeling down on yourself, it’s easy to see the flaws, but in reality there’s nothing wrong with you. You are still going to graduate college. You are still going to find a special guy who will see your flaws and love them. You will still have friends who will love you and you will be their first choice. Just hang in there.
“Sometimes things go wrong, even when you are doing your best. That just shows that none of us are perfect. So I keep trying with all of my heart, and if that’s not good enough, I am not going to hang my head.” –Luis Tiant
