When I broke off my engagement 6 months ago I had no idea that coming back to my home town would stir up so many old flames. None of them seemed necessary. I mean, yeah I went on a couple dates here and there but once I saw them and talked with them after 7 plus years the feelings that I use to have for them where long gone. I told myself that none of those relationships worked out then what made me think they would work now? O and then there is always the option of those wonderful dating sites, where you don't actually find people that want to date just ones that want to fool around, great. Then you meet new people and you talk with them and you realize that you could actually get another chance, even after you tell them that you have a two year old. But, before they get too involved, there's a couple things they should know.
1. She's not going to be 'clingy'
If anything she'll probably be distant. But not forever that will all change with time. Her ex changed her way of thinking of how a healthy relationship should be. She was never allowed to know where he was or who he was with. So if she doesn't always text back right away, ask what your doing, or engage in a long conversation it's not you, it really is her. It's going to take time for her to 'cling' and even then she won't be she knows that in a healthy relationship you both need to be accountable, but right now she doesn't know how.
2. Don't play games and leave her wondering
Just don't...chances are that her ex did that, that's why they aren't together anymore. Plus she doesn't have the time for that honesty, we're not in high school anymore. And if you think by doing that you're going to get her to chase you think again. She doesn't want to deal with that crap. Her plate is to full and she doesn't need the extra stress about wondering if you like her or not. In fact if you do think that playing games is fun she'll loose interest almost instantly.
3. Fight for her
She can stand on her own two feet, she did for the past 7 years even more. She's supported herself, her baby, and even her partner. That doesn't mean that she wants to stand alone all the time, she's still out there looking for what everyone else is looking for...a partner. Who is willing to face this world with her, beside her. Be on her side and go to war with her not against her, support her passions, embrace her strength. Show her you want her, show her you appreciate her and show her that she is the strong woman she is but let her know that you're there to catch her if she stumbles.
4. Her baby is number one, she's number 2
Having a partner stand beside her through life's roller coaster is all that she wants. But don't think for one second that she is going to place you above her baby or herself. She's been there, done that. That's why she is where she is. She finally realized that her baby deserves to see her mommy happy and mommy deserves someone who supports and loves her unconditionally. Don't make her chose between her baby and you, you'll loose every time. You'll be important to her, but just remember she takes care of her baby first, then herself.
5. Don't rush L-O-V-E
She'll put up a hard front over and over again. There's a 110% chance that she'll be unsure of you for awhile. But she has a right to, she wants to make sure that she's not making the same mistake she's made over and over. She's checking herself and this relationship going to analyze everything, the conversations, the fights, the happy moments, she wants to make sure that you'll be there and that you'll be on the same page as her before she gives away her heart again. As stated before she's been there, done that.
6. All she needs is a friend
For some dumb reason some guys have this thought in their head that if they go on a date with a single mom that she'll fall in love with them and she'll be to clingy. THAT IS THE MOST IRRITATING THING!! Don't be dumb, don't be an asshole get off your high horse and taste the dirt. Read #5 again if you think she'll fall head over heels for you on the first date. (insert eye roll) Honestly all she really wants is for you to be there, make her laugh, let her tell you about the crazy thing that happened at work, be her friend. Be that person she can count on. Really she would honestly want nothing more then to have a couple beers with you, again be her friend.
7. Let her be 21, treat her like she's 21
She's still young she still wants to go out, she still wants to party, she still wants to be 21. Yes she's exhausted by 8pm every night but that doesn't mean that she doesn't want to have a social life, if anything that's her outlet!! She works over 40 hours a week, school, bills to be paid, a small human to support, and make sure that she's in the best of health and state of mind to do all those things. Going out once or twice a week with you, let her go out and let go. She had to grow up fast mentally, and emotionally but she's still 21, and even though she's grown up mentally there's still apart of her that wants to go out and dance and come home at 2am, there's still a part of her that wants to forget reality for a night, even if it is only until 11pm. :)
