I fell into a Reddit tornado the other day while doing research. I fell upon a page about people who settled in relationships and how do they feel about it? Some responses were really sweet and some were straight up savage. I felt like I needed to share these because some of them had me laughing so hard, while others had me by my heartstrings. I'm going to share the Reddit responses from sweet to savage. And honestly, the savage is SAVAGE. I love it.
After reading these responses you may run and check with your S.O. and see if they are "settling" with you. (Or check what their Reddit handle is...you never know.)
Sweet "Settling" Responses
"How about the shoe on the other foot? My wife is as hot as the noonday sun and has multiple college degrees. On my best day (pre-cancer), I was a solid 6 and she can do a 9 in a sweatshirt. I asked her out in the beginning, knowing I was breaching the sacred "never go higher than 2" rule. It's been almost 20 years now. We have great kids and the best day to day life I could ever imagine. A couple years back I got cancer and it brutalized my face and neck. I went from a 6 to a (look at him, he looks funny!) 4, got all scarred up, lost all my lean muscle mass to wasting, and lost all my teeth. The crazy woman still hugs me every day, kisses me right on the mouth no matter who is around and keeps me warm at night. Do me a favor and DON'T ask her. I don't want to know that answer. Let me die thinking that this is all because she really does love me as much as life itself. That her day revolves around our time together. That growing old together is something to look forward to and not something to fear." - [deleted]
Savage "Settling" Responses
"I definitely settled in my last relationship but it didn't end as expected. In the beginning, I really didn't care for her. It was more fun and games. We went out partying a lot, we both loved going out and doing it together seemed like it made everything more entertaining. She was a little overweight, a little taller than I would have cared for, but she had an amazing personality and stunning looks. Eventually she cried and broke down wanting me to ask her out, I had no intentions to, but caught in her car, on our way to a party, with her crying and putting all of these feelings on me, I caved and soon asked her out, I then fell completely in love with her. Everything changed. We quit partying, quit going out, we both grew up and changed a lot. I fell madly in love with her and assumed she was with me. A little after a year together, and me planning my entire life with her, she left. It wasn't what she wanted anymore. My life changed immensely. After settling for someone when I didn't want a relationship, I fell in love and got my heart broken. It's been over a year and I still miss her. I think about her every day. I'd give any aspect of my life up to have her back, now we go to separate colleges and she is happy with another. I ignore it to the best of my ability." -FinallyMaking_Moves
"I've settled. Mostly due to extremely low self-esteem and I feel financially trapped. Yes, I am gainfully employed and make more than my S.O., but recently purchased a home that I wouldn't feel comfortable affording alone. I also feel like I am "getting older" and want a family and if I left, I'd have to start all over and risk the chance of not being able to have kids (which I suppose is a possibility regardless, and, yes, I realize having a kid with someone I settled for is insanely stupid but... biology.) We spend every day in separate rooms and only see each other right before bed. It's like being single but you're not allowed to get laid. Anyways, I basically just drift through each day and he is essentially my roommate. I doubt I will ever leave. I doubt he will ever leave since, not to be blunt, I have more to offer him than anyone else he could probably get. It's all around greatly dysfunctional, but that's settling. And the fact I feel absolutely nothing while typing this even further demonstrates the dysfunction." -mousecat88
"I was in my thirties, all my friends and siblings were married. I had dated this girl for a couple of years and I knew she was totally in love with me so I settled and married her. It was fine for about five years and things slowly went south. We were in and out of counseling and finally divorced at 13 years. Do I regret it? I have two great kids from the marriage and I love them with my whole being. Sure if I had married someone else and had children I would feel the same about those kids. But I didn't, and I truly love my two children. So no, in the balance of things I don't regret it. I finally met the love of my life two years after my divorce. We both felt the same way but she was a lot younger and wanted a family. I totally understood it but a new family at my age isn't something I wanted to get into, so we split. It was two years ago that we broke up and I still think about her, all the time." -LetsGoAllTheWhey
"My girlfriend and I dating as teens. I had an abusive upbringing and was terribly insecure, with a certain amount of PTSD. My girlfriend helped me tremendously, and we essentially grew up together.
We got married after 10 years because her mother was putting pressure on her. She married, in part to get away from her folks. We are close but essentially live as friends and roommates. We both have our own lives, hobbies, work, friends etc, and rarely do anything together. We maintain separate bedrooms and have sex maybe once a month.
Essentially, we both settled, mostly to have a sense of security, and not for love. If I had my present level of confidence and maturity back when I was single, I could have done better. But I also could have done worse. My wife is supportive and considerate like a good friend should be. But I look at the closeness that happily married people have and I see we do not have that." -Thunder_bird
The links lead to the threads and there are so many more savage and sweet responses. Some of the comments have bee edited for length or clarity.
All in all, I think the question, did you settle for your S.O., holds a lot of weight because there is a lesson or moment of hope in each story that these people shared. Yeah, it's fun to laugh and be like, "Damn that's savage."
But It's also easy to find value in the fact that settling can lead you to grow up and have the happy ending you always dreamt of with a person you come to realize you really love. Finding love when you feel like you settled may just be luck or it may be that you were meant to be together but you weren't ready so you stayed and listened to what your heart had to say rather than your brain.