I can tell you right now, I don't have the secrets to romantic love. I don't have the secrets to how to make any kind of loving relationship with another being work perfectly; that's for you to figure out with them. But what I can tell you is what I know about self-love, and that is something you do not need to figure out. Contrary to popularized, mass-media belief, self-love is not something that you have to strive for, work for, tirelessly drag yourself around by begging for some semblance of mercy for the person that you are. You are yourself and you are made of love. This is the secret that I do know about when it comes to love, and these are the reasons that I believe every reader of this article—and everyone else who likely doesn't have time to sit around and read a college sophomore's personal experience of self-love—deserves to feel this effortless, expansive, eternal appreciation for who they exist as in this very moment in time.

You do not need to change to love yourself. I know what the media tells you. I know that you cannot walk down the street without seeing someone you'd rather look like. I know you cannot flip through a fitness magazine without wishing you had her flat stomach, his muscles, their confidence. I know you cannot hear about someone who is changing the world and wish that you could do the same, in your own authentic way. The thing is, you can. Change in our lives is often viewed as a means of bettering ourselves, adapting what we need to, becoming our "best self." The reality of this is that you are already your best self. You, in this present time, are all you need to be. You do not need to be fixed; you are not broken. Change is not sustainable in our lives if we wake up and decide we need to dress this way to impress this person, work out to become more attractive to whomever we desire, eat less so that maybe we can lose weight and have some potential of loving ourselves. Changing ourselves with an ultimatum that we will "love ourselves then" only perpetuates the idea that we need to be fixed in order to be loved. I can guarantee, from personal experience, that with this judgmental outlook on your mind and your body, you can get to whatever weight or appearance you desire, but you will still see something wrong. Being aware of our bodies is a gift and is incredibly important, but being harsh with ourselves only makes it harder for us to come out of the darkness we have placed ourselves in. If desired, change your body, your mind, your heart simply because you love yourself. Better your life, the way you look at yourself, the context of places and people you surround yourself with because you love who you are and know that you deserve the best. When you give yourself permission to love yourself in this way, you allow others to have an example to follow, and you will feel more loved than ever before.

What I have learned about self-love is that it is not an end goal or even an expansive process that you endure over your lifetime. It is an every day, every moment decision to see where you are in your life and be forgiving when you may not consider everything about you to be at its prime. Self-love is simply a way of saying that you are worth eliminating toxicity in your life, whether it be from surrounding yourself in environments that support you, reassuring yourself each day that you are deserving of the success you work for, or making decisions that you, yourself, know are best for your own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual body. Self-love is a decision process that welcomes exploration into the depths of where you have been, who you are now and where you see yourself headed. Self-love is not selfish, and confidence is not greedy; it may just be the only thing that gets us out of life when it tries to trample us or provide us with situations that are not serving our well-being. Self-love is not the end result. It is the now. You are the now. And you are beyond worth it.

Wherever you are now reading this—whether lying in your bed, sitting in the library, riding on the bus—take a moment to be with yourself. Go stand in front of a mirror or open the frontal camera on your phone (Extra self-love exercise: try not to jump back or become astonished as the frontal camera opens at an unattractive angle that may make your double chins look like a mountain range. I promise it happens to the best of us). Think of something you love more than anything in the world. Look at the twinkle in your eyes as you think about this sense of purpose within you. Look at your hair and how it hugs your face in, reminding you of the warmth of your cheeks that brighten with that smile of yours. Now you may be smiling at the mirror or camera and if you are around other people, they may think you're crazy; let them think that. Let your smile become infectious, for there is nothing better to spread than your own authentic joy that you can tune into at any time. Look at anything you find imperfect on your face, and then think of one reason that you love this about yourself. Maybe you've always hated how dark your eyes are, but think of how many people have gotten drawn into this beautiful abyss. Maybe you've grown up with acne, but remember that one time that someone looked at your face and saw your constellation-like freckles instead? Maybe lately you've hated that your bottom lip quivers when you have to speak in front of others, but maybe this is simply your reminder that what you have to say matters enough to make you feel so strongly that even your nervous system has something to say about it. Think about the rest of your body in this manner, seeing your stretch marks as lightning bolts filling you with the energy to keep going and viewing your all-too visible veins through your translucent skin as a symbol of the very sense of livelihood that pumps throughout you at all times. Look at yourself in this crazy way of self-exploration and get to know yourself in a way that you have always deserved to. You may not like everything about yourself, but I promise that all of you is worth loving, especially from the internal source that is the you that you will have throughout your whole lifetime.

Perhaps all of this self-love is more complex than I initially intended. Perhaps it does take more than a quick one-second decision to see life within you and love it. But now—holding onto your heart and mind as something sacred, something wholly worth your time and dedication and unstoppable love, something worth loving through imperfection—perhaps you can see that this is the most worthwhile decision of your life. This is the singular secret to self-love that I can give you: you are the best decision you will ever make.