All it takes is one. One person who is saying and doing all the right things. But can you trust any of it? Can you trust, them? The heart and mind of the extended-stay single can be a perpetually grey area. It’s not that we don’t enjoy being single it’s just that the longer we are the more difficult it becomes to ignore the urge of wanting to believe and trust someone new.
When that time comes we must be honest when asking ourselves are we yearning to be with someone, or just be with someone? Before ending our extended stay in the single life, it is vital to know the answer. If nothing else we should at least be clear on whether we're doing it for someone we are truly definite about and not just something we are blindly desperate for.
We’ve all experienced how insatiable the intrigue can be upon meeting someone new. For as long as you can remember a damaged heart was a stern reminder to remain single and up to this point the decision had been easy to stay committed to. Now time has healed those wounds causing you to question what was once thought of as unimpeachable. Regardless of how independent we convince ourselves that we are I believe that each one us still craves for at least the possibility of a romantic connection. No matter the banquet of consequences.
But those consequences cannot be overlooked merely because we have bought into the asinine idea that the longer our single clock stays ticking the less likely we are to find someone. None of us are immune to bad things happening when our desire to be someone’s other half becomes stronger than our will to suppress it. Desperate situations yield the quickest results. This explains why when the heat is on most of us tend to make unwise decisions especially when it comes to dating and relationships.
It is hardly an accident when someone new enters the equation and can alter our agenda. Or that all their dogged attempts at wooing us hoping to win us over have surprisingly worked. We start to purposefully forget the length for which we have been alone while the why and the how we became single along with the myriad of reasons we have chosen to stay that way are all now seemingly unimportant.
This is where choosing to stay single can be a double-edged sword. We love the freedom and independence the life affords us yet the thought of having to make it through yet another “cuffing’ season” without a “cuddle buddy” is a struggle all too real. How do you reconcile the two? It is almost as if the greater the determination to want to continue to live the single life persists the more vulnerable we all are to the temptation of courtship.
Everyone is looking for room in your heart now that it reads no vacancy. This complicates things because when you are single you are not really looking for anyone. It’s more like your eyes are wide shut. And yet there’s always that one. You did everything you could to resist them. You checked every box on your trusted “stay single at all cost” checklist, but they persisted. They wore you down and now here you are contemplating getting involved again.
If staying single can be a double-edged sword then dating is a two-tailed coin. Doesn’t matter where it lands on the flip you can bet your ass that in the end you’ll be left bottoms up. Making a concerted effort to date again after all this time away is a path not to be undertaken lightly. You don’t want to come to the realization in a few weeks’ time having agreed to be with someone when with someone is not necessarily where you want to be.
Let’s face it, this isn’t about taking a chance on someone anymore and simply putting ourselves out there. Anyone who’s been single a while is of the mindset that they’ve tried that approach already with limited success. If there is going to be a next time with a next one the candidate must be as close to a sure thing as humanly possible.
The reason for this is due in large part to the fact we currently live in an era of hookup culture, rape culture, and every other culture comprised of nothing but jerks and they have eroded the dating scene into a soulless, unempathetic melting pot. The chance each of us take by electing to be a part of it and mingling within it is chance enough in my opinion.
If we are not careful those of us having remained single for a long period of time with an urge to now want to be a part of a couple will fall victim to a single act of desperation resulting in a multitude of pain. Fostering a culture of trust, honesty, and monogamy between you and another is so unpractical these days that it’s practically impossible to fathom. Every potential candidate must be properly vetted and their credentials heavily scrutinized leaving little or no margin for error. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
