Fear wracks my chest.

I am frozen, paralyzed, a deer in headlights.

I count the seconds as they pass, beats of a metronome that with every passing moment lead my mind down the path of full blown panic.

Indecisiveness is embedded in my DNA.

It lies within me, pumping through my veins and infecting my thoughts.

A constant stream of possibilities present themselves within the confines of my mind. A thousand lives are lived in each thought, branches of a tree reaching out out out to form an alternative universe, and an insane wish that I could have them all.

I am tired of being afraid. I am sick of being afraid.

I am disgusted by this self-doubt. This feeling deposits weight onto your chest that brings you down down down, a pull to the ground you can’t overcome. It strips you down to your weakest layer, where only cobwebs and forgotten nightmares live because you thought you were past that point of vulnerability. You thought you outgrew that self-consciousness. You thought you were stronger than that. You question yourself and everything you thought you knew. You feel betrayed by yourself.

But that doubt, that fear, is not the enemy. It is what makes us human. It is what makes us powerful.

Fear is more than a fight or flight mentality. Fear is the pounding rush of our heart when we are pushing our limits, the ringing in your ear when you take a chance. It is the physical representation of your humanity, your vulnerability, and your courage. Fear keeps us alive.

We are not cartoon doodles on the edge of your Algebra homework. We are multi-faceted gemstones cultivated from the most exotic locales that have only existed in your wildest daydreams. We are ever changing beings that follow the ebb and flow of the tides that crash wildly along the coast.

We are our most vulnerable, and self-conscious parts. But we are also so much more than that. That vulnerability shows us who we truly are- it brings perspective to our complicated souls, too vast to be described with such basic terms. We are fear and tragedy and hope and beauty and bravery and love love love. We are a reflection of the world, and of each other.