Finding a purpose in life can be extremely difficult at times. I never saw myself as enough: not pretty enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not good enough. The only things that I was “good” at were crying and isolating myself from everyone else. While silently fighting through these agonizing years of depression, I never talked about my own feelings, nor did I hear anyone else admit to being depressed. Because I was never aware of people getting through depression, I didn’t know there was an escape. After reflecting on much of my past, I learned through my struggles that one thing to be passionate about is sharing your life experiences, whether they are good or bad. Even if something is difficult to talk about, once you are able to open up to people, things get a lot easier.
That being said, I still battle with my own emotions and I still have to deal with my choices of the past. However, I have become a firm believer that if I discuss the things I have gone through, it will help others because awareness is key. I have shared my experiences in a few ways. The simplest was by posting on social media with the intention of giving hope to others who have trouble dealing with their negative emotions. Another thing I have done was taken past in walks for suicide awareness through the National Foundation of Suicide Prevention. The most difficult and probably the most effective thing I have done was presenting an informative speech. I gave a total of around 14 speeches to all of my high school’s health classes, psychology classes, psych of personality classes, and sociology classes. From doing that, I was nominated to give a Tedx Talk:
Not all of the feedback I have gotten was positive. Many people say I am open about my depression and anxiety because I want attention or pity. It took me a long time to see it this way, but I have finally realized that the people who think this way aren’t worth my time and their opinions are irrelevant. One positive reaction to my story is worth any negativity people bestow upon me. When I tell my story, it brings up a lot of bad memories, but I would gladly relive my pain a thousand times just to know that I helped one person. My hopes are that people will realize that their story deserves to be heard as well. When more people share their stories, it would be a domino effect, meaning that more people suffering with depression will realize they aren’t alone in their battles.
No matter how alone you may feel, you never truly are. There is always someone who will be willing to listen, offer advice, or just give you a hug when that’s all you need. No matter who you are or where you come from, you are capable of great things. I know that its's easy to let hopelessness take over and darkness can hide any sense of relief. Your demons will fight you everyday, but you need to fight back harder. Yes, it is exhausting, but is it worth the battle. I still am fighting my demons, but I am winning. I once was a girl who saw no reasons to live, but now I see no reason to die. Being passionate about life is extremely difficult to do, but it is possible.
Find your purpose.
Share your experiences.
Save a life.
