Was it all a lie? I am writing these articles to promote awareness about depression and anxiety and sharing my story to let people know it gets better, yet I too was struggling on the inside. Why would I share my story with everyone? That’s because I want to be a spokesperson, an outlet to someone who is in need and struggling. Some of you may think I am sharing too much in this article, but if it will save a life the way my other articles did, I will share as much as I can. After my two most personal articles were published, I got hundreds of messages from people reaching out to me. Some thanking me, some coming to me for advice, and some even telling me I saved their life. How rewarding is that right? There’s no other feeling like it. Shortly after, my world was crumbling all at once and I found myself right back where I started.
About two weeks ago, I was hospitalized for trying to take my own life. The previous night, I was up until about 4:00 in the morning with one of my roommates talking about life. There were many tears, and many conversations about how “I couldn’t even imagine if anything happened to either of you or any of my friends or family.” Little did I know that less than 24 hours later I almost put my roommates and everyone else through that nightmare. I am telling you right now, no school work, family issues, stress or heartbreak is worth taking your life in a split second. Life is so worth fighting for, and I have beat the odds twice and am now able to have a second chance at life.
The morning I woke up in the hospital with my mom laying next to me, I had never regretted something so much in my entire life than the decision I had made the previous night. Looking over at my mom sleeping and thinking how badly I scared her and the rest of my family and friends is the worst feeling in the world. Day after day, I was getting more and more visitors, tears after tears, and realizing how lucky I was to be alive. I was scared to see a lot of my family and friends because I was ashamed. I had so much time to think to myself and wonder how I had taken it this far over something that won’t matter years from now. If it wasn’t for my roommates who had called 911 that night, I most likely wouldn’t be sitting here writing this letter.
Day after day as I sat in the hospital thinking about my life and what had happened, I realized that God has a purpose for me. He has put me on this earth to prove to myself that I can literally get through anything. I got a second chance at life, and he wants me to come out stronger and better than ever. I believe that I have gone through all of this to share with everyone how strong a human really is. If I can beat this depression twice, so can everyone else struggling out there. I am sharing this experience with all of you to let you know that even the “strongest” people can fall again, but can always get right back up.
My biggest fear was that I was disappointing those around me. I had so much guilt on my shoulders because I have been sharing these articles with many of you who know my story, and have reached out to me thanking me that I have proved that it gets better. Ironically, I had broken that strength on myself two weeks ago, and I felt like I had failed at being an outlet for those who looked up to me. This article is something I had debated about writing all week, but feel as though it will be more effective than ever proving that everybody deserves to be on this earth and to show the world how strong they are, no matter what life throws at you.
To my friends and family who visited me in the hospital, and the others who called me and texted me, that is what got me through this. A simple text telling someone how much you love them is one of the strongest, most meaningful messages you can send to someone. Thank you for not giving up on me, and being there for me through this awful experience for all of us. I am here to prove that God has a purpose for me, and it wasn’t my time to leave this earth. I am still here, and I'm still breathing.
