Sexual Objectification, Existentialism And Grindr?

Sexual Objectification, Existentialism And Grindr?

What Grindr taught me about objectification and entitlement in American society.
137
views

This story begins with, what else, Grindr. For the uninitiated it's basically Tinder for men who are attracted to other men. But the biggest difference is that, to quote Ben Kenobi from "Star Wars", Grindr is a "hive of scum and villainy." I don't mind the people who just want to have a good time because responsible sex or dating, in general, is perfectly fine, but it's those people that ruin it that really get me riled up. It's those kids who talk constantly during the movie, the people at Starbucks who feel the need to order something that takes 20 minutes to make, that vocal minority that destroys the experience for the rest of us. Those people on Grindr are the men who feel entitled to have sex with you. For the longest time I didn't know why an unsolicited nude pic enraged me or a guy randomly sending me his address made me uncomfortable. I realized the problem was they didn't bother to find out what I wanted and what my needs were. They wanted sex and they didn't stop to think that I didn't. To them, I was nothing more than an object for their pleasure because they felt entitled to my body.

A quintessential example would be one man who messaged me simply saying, "I want you ur cute." Putting aside the lack of proper grammar, I couldn't figure out why the statement bothered me. After all he was complimenting me, so I should be grateful right? I discovered that it was because he, in a sense, denied me my right to choose. You may be saying, "It was just a benign message," but language is performative. Our words often display, and reinforce, our internal ideologies. Saying, "I'm sorry," is different than saying, "It was an accident." Both have similar meanings, but one accepts personal responsibility and the other defers it. He didn't ask if I wanted him. He could've asked, "Hey I think you're cute, want to hook up?" However, all that mattered was that he wanted me. He then, obliviously, proceeded to send me pictures of his penis. I didn't want to see his penis, but he didn't give me much choice in the matter. According to existential philosopher Jean Paul Sartre, it is considered "bad faith" and the greatest evil to deny someone the inherit right of choice. Ain't nobody gonna deny me of my right to freedom and question my Jean Paul, so naturally, I proceeded to tell him how inappropriate it was for him to send me pictures without my consent and he can't just "want" me like some toy. He then called me an as*****. I thought it was somehow me being irrational and too sensitive, but in reality, he needed to reassert his dominance because I toppled his self-important sense of control.

I hope this sounds fairly similar to how some straight men treat women. To feel entitled to woman's body and attention, to treat them as less than human, and to then blame the woman for his actions because she "dressed too provocatively" or because she "was asking for it." This is the kind of thinking that perpetuates rape culture and victim blaming. I just get called some mildly offensive names through a phone, but for a lot of people, most often women, it becomes a serious problem of sexual violence or harassment. These people feel awful because our society has taught them to hold themselves responsible, that they deserve it. The more we understand that sex and intimacy is a privilege, not a right, the more of a chance we stand against the cycle of sexual violence and harassment.

Cover Image Credit: Dymtro Honchavrov

Popular Right Now

22 Post Malone ‘beerbongs & bentleys’ Lyrics College Kids Will Use As Insta Captions This Summer

It's here, and it's fire.
353747
views

If you didn't know, I am really not sure how you wouldn't know, but it's fine, Post Malone's new album FINALLY came out! Posty has time and time again proven that he's a trailblazer in the music industry. His genre is a mix of everything, from rap to acoustic guitar, and he sounds like he's at home in both settings.

Here it is, a list of Post Malone lyrics you'll use or see as Instagram captions. I can already feel it, this summer is Posty's summer –– a summer for "beerbongs & bentleys."

1. "Spoil My Night" - "Won't you come spoil my night?"

2. "Spoil My Night" - "Feelings come into play and I'm thinkin' this happens every time"

3. "Spoil My Night" - "Yeah, when I walk up in a party, they all act like they know me"

4. "Zack and Codeine" - "Been livin' fast, no I can't take it slowly"

5. "Zack and Codeine" - "But it don't mean nothing without all my people"

6. "Zack and Codeine" - "Pour that drink 'cause we ain't sleepin' tonight"

7. "Takin Shots" - "Heard that there's a party, I might pay a visit"

8. "Takin Shots" - "Baby, just for the night, you my soulmate"

9. "Over Now" - "I'ma turn the tables, promise you will not forget it"

10. "Stay" - "Damn, who are we right now?"

11. "Blame It On Me" - "These hurricanes inside of my brain"

12. "Same Bitches" - "Bottles on deck, and my drink full"

13. "Same Bitches" - "Population four million, how I see the same bitches?"

14. "Jonestown" - "It happens every time"

15. "92 Explorer" - "She in the front seat head bangin'"

16. "Sugar Wraith" - "And then I went and changed my life"

17. "Sugar Wraith" - "I take the lead, they just follow"

18. "Rockstar" - "Sayin, 'I'm with the band'"

19. "Rockstar" - "Livin’ like a Rockstar, I’m livin’ like a Rockstar"

20. "Rockstar" - "Sweeter than a Pop-Tart”

21. "Psycho" - "Can’t really trust nobody with all this jewelry on you"

22. "Psycho" - "I got homies, let it go"

Cover Image Credit: Post Malone // Instagram

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

3 Things I Wish I Was Told When Starting My Record Collection

Starting a record collection can be tough, but there are a few ways to make it way easier.
14
views

Vinyl records aren’t just for your parents anymore. Yes, there is something nostalgic in the outdated technology and yes, a solid collection makes for a good statement piece in your home, but the bottom line is they just sound better. Through digital compression on a CD or MP3 you lose many little sounds that remain on their vinyl counterparts. Imagine taking a photo on your phone and trying to blow it up to the size of a billboard. It won’t look as it was intended to.

Buying vinyl is NOT the most cost-effective way to listen to music, but it is so much more rewarding. Vinyl plays the music how the artist intended, and each record you own comes with its own story of how you found it and what the album means to you. Owning a collection of vinyl records is also the only way any of your music will hold any potential monetary value in the future. It can be a gruesome start when you’re on a budget, but there are ways to make starting your record collection easier.

1. Your can't enjoy the sound quality without a quality record player.

Not all record players are created equally. If you want to experience the quality of a vinyl record, you need to play it on a quality machine. It’s best to avoid record players with the speakers built into them. This is where companies will cut corners first. Those suitcase Crosley players from Urban Outfitters may be cute, but they produce garbage sound. Plenty of record shops will have starter kits that produce a quality sound at a price that won’t break your bank account.

Another cheap option is to buy used. You would be surprised what you can find at thrift shops and vintage stores. Make sure to test them before you buy though. Needles and belts are the first things to go, so before you walk out the door throw on a record and hear if everything sounds right.

2. There are plenty of ways to start your collection with any budget.

When it comes to buying records, thrift shops are your friends. Even the most seasoned collectors will still pop into their local Goodwill and see what’s there. You’d be surprised at how many people no longer want their Beatles records and would rather just donate them.

This method can take a lot of resilience. Many times, you will flip through 100s of albums and leave with nothing, but it is all worth it for that time that you strike gold. If you are looking for a particular artist but not a specific album, many record shops will have a bargain-bin area. Craigslist and eBay are great places to buy used collections if you want to jumpstart your library. If you are looking for a specific album by an artist, going to your local record store is your best bet. It will cost more, but it will cut down on your time hunting.

3. Always make sure that any used record you buy isn't damaged.

Once you have found that album you have been hunting for, there are two things you will want to avoid: scratches and warping. A scratched record will skip around or play a thud every time it hits the needle and a warped record will distort the sound entirely. If you find a record with only fine scratches it usually isn’t a problem. Look out for big scratches that run parallel with the grooves. To ensure a record isn’t warped, hold it to your line of sight and make sure it’s flat. Avoid anything with any warping at all. Chances are the sound will be distorted.

When inspecting vinyl in a record shop it is important not to open any sealed records. Even if it is in a resealable sleeve DO NOT open it yourself. Take it to the front desk and ask them if you can inspect it under their supervision. They will understand. They will usually be willing to play it for you if anything on the record looks questionable.


Records have withstood the test of time and even with modern technology are still the superior way to listen to music. As humans, we have recorded some of the most important speeches and music on vinyl. We have sent them in outer space on satellites in hopes they will be fond by extraterrestrials and they have been enjoyed on Earth for almost 150 years. Trends may come and go, but records are a constant. Happy hunting!

Cover Image Credit: Everypixel

Related Content

Facebook Comments