This week, in my tenth grade honors English class, we had an essay prompt asking us if it was better to be selfish or selfless. At first I struggled a lot; on one hand I thought it was better to be selfish but on the other hand, I felt guilty saying it. The word “selfish” itself has always had such a negative connotation. Anytime anyone did something for themselves, it was always “so terrible.” Eventually, I realized that being selfless isn’t the only way to make other people happy. In reality, most people get pleasure out of being selfless, so in a way, being selfless and being selfish are very closely related.
The whole idea of both of these scenarios is happiness. The common thought is that if you do something selfless, then other people will be happy; and if you do something selfish, then only you will be happy. However, in most realities, if you do something selfish that will benefit you and make you happy in the long run, then your friends and family will be happy for you. Being selfish can indirectly make other people happy, as well as making you happy. When you’re selfless, it can directly make other people happy; however, it often leaves the person who’s being selfless with less than they started out with, therefore not benefiting them or their happiness in the long run. Being selfish every once in awhile isn’t a bad thing.
One Sunday, about a year ago, I was supposed to help out at a fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society that my dad’s company put on. It was Friday of that week, and I had just gotten home from a terrible day of school. Really, that whole week had been terrible. I was going through a very rough time, socially. I then received a text from one of my best friends (who didn’t go to my school) asking if I wanted to go to Kings Dominion, a well-known amusement park around two hours away from my house, with her that Sunday. “I know you’ve been having a rough time,” she said. “But I think this would be really fun, you deserve it.” And I did deserve it, that I knew. Another thing I knew was that I was supposed to help out at this fundraiser for a good cause. However, I really needed to have a good day, to have fun with my friend. I walked into my parents’ room crying. I felt so bad. I knew that I wanted to go to Kings Dominion, and I knew what my parents would say; or what I thought they’d say. I thought they’d tell me that I made a commitment and I needed to stick with it, that I need to be selfless. That is not what they told me. They told me that it’s okay to make a choice for me every once in awhile. That it’s okay to be selfish. I did end up going to King’s Dominion, but in the time since then I’ve thought that, while my parents are often right about these things, they were wrong about this. I felt like I was a terrible person for choosing an amusement park over helping to raise money. I now realize what my parents have known all along: that I did the right thing. Having a good day with my friend was exactly what I needed, and when I came home that Sunday with a smile on my face, my parents were just as happy as I was. I asked them why they were so happy, and they told me it was partially because the fundraiser had gone very well, but mostly because they hadn’t seen me that happy in a while. I hadn’t seen myself that happy in a while, and it was all because I had thought of myself, making a selfish decision.
It was with this memory in mind that I was able to accept my opinion and realize that no, I’m not a terrible person because I chose selfish over selfless. I do think that it’s about happiness, but directly making somebody happy isn’t the only way to make that person happy. Being selfish doesn’t just make you happy, it can make the people you love happy as well.
