I have seen it everywhere on the internet, whether its small clips on Instagram or links on Facebook or a Twitter hashtag. The idea that women need to learn how to defend themselves is everywhere.

There are obvious issues with this mentality.

The first one being that it takes the agency away from men's actions and forces women to learn how to protect themselves instead of teaching men they need to respect women and not sexually assault women.

But that's not to say that I don't think women should learn how to defend themselves, we should. It's just that I find it very suspicious that women need to learn how to fight, and how to tell a ‘Good Guy’ from a murderous rapist and if we get it wrong, it's our lives, but god forbid we insult the 'Good Guys' with being cautious.

If you are a man and you're reading this; hi no one is accusing you of anything. If you jump at the chance to say "Not all men," then allow me to be the first to say, when you're trying this hard to paint yourself as innocent, then the assumption that you may be not innocent is not a far leap to take. No one says that they aren't a murder faster than the one standing next to a dead body. If you are innocent, you are innocent.

The second being that it doesn't always work. Here's the thing, if you want to learn self-defense because you feel as if it's going to help you either gain confidence or make you feel safe, go for it. If you're a college student, then you might have free classes as a part of your university. UCF offers them for their students – my friends and I are making plans to take them together. However, black belts have gotten assaulted; it has nothing to do with skill and everything to do with circumstance.

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever read on the internet for self-defense is this: Stay Afraid. It's been many years since I've read it so where it came from and who gave such a thoughtful piece of advice is long gone, but that piece of advice has stayed with me for a long time. It's straightforward and painfully honest. Don't take risks and stay scared. As a woman, our fear of sexual assault is ever present, to the point where when the MeToo movement struck almost every woman on social media had a story to tell.

The double-edged sword of self-defense training is you gain confidence to be a part of the world around you, but with that confidence comes danger. You must remember that acting as if you are untouchable is dangerous. You can't take more risks just because you can protect yourself now; this is what I mean by "Stay Afraid." Not: don't do things you want to. Not: don't go on adventures. Not: only exist during the daylight hours. I mean don't ever forget the danger that is ever present. Don't cross the alley because you've become a black belt. The risk is not worth the extra minutes.

Here are my best tips for being safe: be precautions but don't let your fear paralyze you to the point where you risk not living. You are allowed to exist. You are allowed to have dreams. You are allowed to do things. Don't let anyone or anything, including fear, tell you otherwise. Just be careful.