The Scars That Create Us

The Scars That Create Us

"Scars show us where we've been, not where we are going."

What is a scar? Is it a physical or mental scar? Everyone has them, even though we can't always see them.

Visual scars are scars that people can see. These scars people can be proud of, or something that saved their lives. These scars help define people and create them into becoming who they truly are. I hold a scar on my right ring finger from a homemade slip-n-slide incident that lead to surgery. This scar taught me to be more careful when it comes to slip-n-slides, so I usually just avoid them. We can see everyone’s visual scars but we might not be able to tell what they are from, or what they have taught that person. These visual scars can become a way for people to teach each other things about life, and share why they are who they are. Scars become part of our personality by what they taught and who it shaped up into.

People often act certain ways because of events that happened in their lives. These visual scars can often help us understand why someone acts the way they do. Scars help people connect as well. If someone has a scar on their knee from knee replacement surgery you can often relate to that person by connecting through your scars. These scars also show that no matter what you look like we are all still human and share the same things. We learn to accept everyone for who they are.

Mental scars are slightly a bit more complicated. These are the scars we can not see, and sometimes don’t share with others. Every person has some mental scars that mold that person into who they are. Mental scars can be created in a lot of different ways. Sometimes mental scars are created from a bad situation. If someone gets cheated on, they begin to build a wall to protect their hearts. This becomes a mental scar that this person carries with them. They may begin to cut off potential relationships to avoid the same situation, or their brain might try to get them out of a relationship because they don't want to deepen the scar. This is a barrier that a mental scar has created. Sometimes when someone holds this scar others get irritated at this person. It's hard to understand why someone holds a specific mental scar, and it's even harder to see the mental scars. When someone isn't acting the way you would expect them to, talk to them. They might hold a mental scar that you know nothing about. Sometimes you just need to dig a little deeper into someone. The surface doesn't tell the whole story.

Some mental scars are good ones. Some children associate a certain markets with getting a candy at checkout. This mental scar is a good one, and is the reason children ask for a sucker at the checkout line. Some mental scars are the reason people get overly excited about a topic or a place. These are also mental scars that can create conversations, and learn more about a person. These mental scars aren't seen either but add to the person’s personality.

We need to be considerate of others mental scars, but we also need to think about our own. If we hold a mental scar we can’t let it hold us back forever. If we went through a rough relationship we can't hold the walls up forever. We need to let this scar heal, it can heal slowly… but let it heal. If someone comes in your life, help them! Explain this scar to them, let them understand you and why you are who you are! Communication is key! Scars create us into who we are, but we can’t let them define us! Let all your scars heal over time!!

We can create mental scars for each other, it's a part of life. It's not a good part of life, but it's a fact of life. They say actions speak louder than words and that couldn't be more true. When we do something to someone, even something small, it could impact their life forever. Next time you think about talking about someone behind their back, or doing something “funny” to someone, think about how you would react. Would this give you a scar? We don’t want to “get equal” with someone, that gets you nowhere. “Getting even” just hurts someone else. Think before you act to make sure you don’t give someone else a mental scar. If you do, please be sensitive! Say you're sorry!! Your “image” doesn't matter in the end.

In the end we are all full of mystery! Our lives and scars shape us into who we are. We need to know that everyone leads different lives, everyone experiences different scars that help mold them into the person they are today. Scars are a beautiful thing! Without one of the scars in our life we would not be the person we are today! Be grateful for the scars you hold! Share your scars with others, you might connect with someone you never thought you would connect with!

"Never be ashamed of a scar, it means you were stronger that what tried to hurt you."

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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I Joined WW Freestyle And Here Are 10 Ways It's Positively Affected My Life

Healthy Habits = Happy Tummy


I know its a stereotypical New Years resolution, but this year I took myself seriously and decided to join WW Freestyle. It is a great program and 100% worth the price, which ranges from $3-$15/month. My parents and older sister have been doing it for a few years now so I decided to hop on the weight loss train.

It's probably the best decision I have made this year. It's not even the end of January but I feel more confident than ever, but that's not all!

Here are ten things WW Freestyle has done for me...

1. I eat MORE than I did before!


And not just fruits and veggies!

Before WW, I was eating two meals a day, sometimes one. I thought that would help me lose weight, but if anything I gained. It was hard and I tried every "one special trick" in the book, but nothing worked.

Now I get X amount of daily points and I find someday's I'm looking for more food to use up all my points (which is very important). Not only do I get daily points, I get BONUS/weekly points that have to be used by the end of the week, so if I want to indulge or splurge, I can! Sweet treats here I come!

2. I look in the mirror with confidence!


I only joined two weeks ago and I already feel more confident and beautiful, and I haven't even lost much weight yet! Just the idea that I am on my way to a healthier body inside and out gives me a boast of much needed self-confidence.

3. Its teaching me healthy habits.


Before choosing to just swing by Starbucks or McDonalds I now think, "do I have points for that?" and since I can't check my phone while driving, I then decide it'd be better to just go home and eat a hearty and healthy dinner.

And hey! If I do have the points you can best bet I'll be indulging in some chicken nuggets and fries!

4. I've become part of a new, amazing community


With the 6-month package I purchased, I get to attend weekly meetings! They are such a great support group and the leader of the group is amazing! It's a no judgement zone and even if you gained weight, its okay to share because its a learning and growing experience.

The environment of the meetings is so welcoming. And even if you just get the digital package, there is an online community as well that you can be a part of.

Everyone there is on the same or similar journey as you and the success stories keep you going because that could be you!

5. It's inspired me to exercise more!


I used to barely ever exercise. I sat around all day on my computer procrastinating exercise. But now! I'm back in the pool swimming laps and attending a free water aerobics class up at Eastern!

I swam for 6 years of my life and its great to be back in the water! It's bringing back my lung capacity which has significantly dropped over the years of no exercise and I can feel the difference in my breathing.

You should never diet alone! Always, always get some sort of exercise at least 3 times a week. The weight comes off faster and you feel so much better.

(My article about being on the swim team)

6. I walk a little taller

And its not just the new confidence! Losing weight makes for a better posture as well! As a girl with a weak lower back, WW Freestyle has helped me so much already.

7. I feel healthier


I can breathe easier, I'm lighter on my feet, and that's just for a start! I used to have really bad stomach/digestive issues but they haven't bothered me in the two weeks I've been a part of WW Freestyle.

Knock on wood, but I hope that they'll stop for good. Healthy habits = Happy Tummy.

8. I've started being more open to dating again


Four years of low self-esteem and not liking who I see in the mirror is rough. With this new confidence, I joined a few dating websites to get myself out there again and it's going great!

Look out world! Here I come!

9. I'm discovering new foods I've never had before!


Another great resource that comes with the WW Freestyle app is unlimited healthy recipes! I'm trying new foods for low points and feeling healthy and satisfied.

10. Its given me so much more energy!


If only two weeks with the program has given me this much energy I can't wait to reach my goal!

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