In the book "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne, a young Puritan woman is shamed by her town for having an affair and bearing a child. She is forced to wear a scarlet "A" on her dress as a symbol of shame and humiliation. This book loosely inspired the 2010 film "Easy A," in which protagonist "Olive" Emma Stone, becomes known as "The school tramp" after she pretends to have sex with another guy in order to be seen as cool. However, instead of being shamed by it, Olive embraces her new identity and even stitches a red "A" on her shirt.
With schools and colleges around the country starting back up soon, so do the pressures of students attempting to fit in to their small society. Students will do anything to impress the group they want to be with, whether it's a high school clique or a college sorority or fraternity. Students will even go as far as do things that will end up getting them criticized, judged, isolated, or even bullied by their fellow classmates. One of the things that students are often criticized for is sex.
Sex, in general, is a topic that can still come off as sinful to older generations, but is quickly being embraced by younger generations today. Movies and television shows are exploring more sexual topics to their audiences and even exploiting more graphic sexual content, within reason. Take Netflix's "Orange Is The New Black," for example. The show has explored such topics as lesbian relationships on both the sexual and emotional angles and, at one point, even featured a scene with the use of a dildo.
But even if sex itself is being embraced by society more and more today, the criticisms of people in regards to sex still remain. These criticisms of sex range in various different topics.
Knowledge (Or Lack Of Knowledge) Of Sex
Yes, you can get criticized for either not knowing about sex or knowing too much about sex. This knowledge of sex comes from two different forms: Sex Education and Sex in Media.
Sex education is a topic that students should know about before they go off to college and the real world. Many schools in the United States have different views about how sex ed should be taught, or if it should be taught at all. Some high schools preach "abstinence only" sex, which means you can't have sex until you're married, while others utilize the "condom on the banana" routine. A recent episode of "Last Week Tonight, with John Oliver," explains perfectly, the importance of sex ed in schools. As well as the perfect celebrity sex ed video which features celebrities such as, Laverne Cox and "Parks and Recreation"s," Nick Offerman.
Outside of school, sex is featured in every form of media there is. From music videos and songs, movies and television shows, and on the Internet. In my high school, I was not taught sex ed at all in my Health class. Therefore, most of the things I've learned about sex was through the movies and TV shows I've watched and through the Internet. Our young generation's curious minds just can't get enough of looking up sex, especially through the word that can either make people cringe or make people grin: porn.
With the Internet growing faster than ever, so does the search for the fulfillment of sexual desires and fantasies. Just type in the word "porn" on Google and you'll instantly get billions of results. Although porn can sometimes make sex and the "ideal sex partner" look over exaggerated, it plants a seed in the young person's mind about what sex looks like. However, when someone says that they like to look at porn or if that person is caught watching porn, the reaction of others does not go over well at all. Yes, there is porn out there that is atrocious and demented. Yes, there are people out there that do have sick and twisted minds. Yes, you definitely should not be watching porn at your job. But for the most part, the judgement of others that watch porn go in two different directions: "Ewwww" or "Where'd you find that photo/video?"
Having unsafe sex
Whether you've learned about sex education in school or not, the two most important things to keep in mind in regards to sex, are teen pregnancies and STDs or Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Many students are not properly taught about the dangers of unsafe sex. Because of this, it leads to the increase in teen pregnancies and STDs. In fact, last semester, there was an increase in the number of cases of Chlamydia, an STD, at SUNY Oswego. When I found this out, I was surprised because I thought college students knew better about protection.
People do get judged for having unsafe sex. With teen pregnancy, it's not as glamorized as in shows like "Teen Mom" or "16 and Pregnant." With STDs, it's a serious issue that should not be tossed aside. Parents, teachers and demonstrators try to teach us about protecting ourselves during sex, from using a condom to birth control pills. So, when people ignore these warnings, they pay the consequences later on, both physically and mentally.
Virginity
Some people believe virginity is a sacred and religious thing, while others believe that losing your virginity is no big deal. Some people lose their virginity when they’re 25, while others lose it when they’re 15. I'm 19, I'm a virgin, and I'm not crying about it.
The loss of virginity for males and females is very often the subject of judgement, especially if it's lost at a young age. Take two teenagers who are both 16 years old: one is male and one is female. When the male lost his virginity, his friends praised him. When the female lost her virginity, her friends isolated and shamed her. Now, let’s take two 25 year olds: again, one male and one female. The effects that occurred after the two 16 year olds lost their virginities also occurred for the two 25 year olds. But why shame the female for losing her virginity? When the 16 year old girl lost her virginity, her friends shamed her for being a “whore." When the 25 year old girl lost her virginity, her friends shamed her for being “prude”.
Losing your virginity is something that should be neither praised nor scorned. When a person loses their virginity, they lose it and it's their business, unless that person brags about it.
The Reality Of Sex
Ladies, if you think having sex is going to be like a romantic sex scene from "The Notebook" or "Titanic," you're dead wrong. Gentlemen, if you think having sex is going to be like something out of a porno, you're dead wrong. I might be a virgin, but from what I've read and heard, the first time you have sex with someone can be pretty painful and awkward, not necessarily the fairy tale out of a movie. And with these beliefs, comes the judgement of society. If you believe that sex is about romance and falling deeply in love with your partner, you'll be judged. If you believe that sex is about....well, sex, you'll be judged.
Why So Much Judgement?
People are always looking for something to judge others for. It doesn't matter if it's the way you eat, the way you dress, or whether you've had sex or not. Judgement is a way for people to feel better about themselves by making other people feel inferior.
But how do you stop the judgement, you ask? Well, haters are gonna hate.
You can't really do anything to stop judgement because there will always be another way for others to judge you. It's not going to magically stop altogether.
While I would usually say something like "Be proud of who you are and don't let others judge you," the matter of your sex life is a tricky topic in defining who you are. People are often telling us that we need to stay safe and use protection when having sex. That's very true. But when you go and actually do it, whether you're 16 or 26, whether you use protection or not, whether you've had one partner or 12 partners, whether it's with a boy or a girl, you're going to get judged. When people find out about your sex life, the judgement and criticism from others will ensue.
I'm not trying to discourage people to not talk about their sex life. If you want to talk about your sex life to others, go right ahead. Just be prepared to face harsh judgement and criticism from people who might not have the same ideas and perspectives about sex as you.
