Being an adult is hard and scary. One minute you think you have everything figured out and the next, life is throwing you the biggest curve-ball you’ve ever had to experience. I always considered myself lucky because the entire time that I was in school (nine plus years, including high school and college) I had a plan, which was to finish school and get my degree.

Guess what? I have a little over six weeks before I am thrown into the “real” world and I have no idea what I am going to do once I get handed that adult ticket. It’s scary to think that I don’t have a concrete plan, besides keep looking for a full time job. I am lucky to say that I have a volunteering position with Housing Works, that starts towards the end of January for six months, and there’s an opportunity for some freelance work, but that’s it.

You can imagine what that’s doing to me. Me, a planner that doesn’t know what to do next. As scared as I am, I also can’t wait to be done with school. School is tiring, and after 10 years, I am ready to get that diploma that says “Congratulations Pam! You did it!!”. It hits me the hardest when it’s time for me to go to sleep. It’s that little voice of doubt and not reason that whispers “how are you going to survive? Do you think your parents are going to sustain you forever?”

Of course, I don’t think that nor do I want that. But I have to admit that time is running out. However, as a firm believer that everything will work out, I have no doubt that God has a plan for me. People seem to be under the impression that the statement above means that I am being lazy and I am just waiting for God to hand me my dream job on a silver platter. I can assure you that it’s not what it means and that is not what I am waiting for.

As a planner, I rely heavily on my list making. It makes me keep on top of my work and being able to cross things off as I do them, is orgasmic for me. Currently, I am trying to work on a lot of writing projects. There are 15 writing projects in total. You would think that 15 projects are overwhelming and too much for me to handle but writing is what I love. Finding the time isn’t the issue, finding the motivation when I am going through anxiety/ depression is.

I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a planner. I already have the ideas that I want to write about and everything. But it’s hard when you’ve made your inner demon your voice of reason. However, I am not letting that stop me. I am just going to deal with it. I always consider Mondays a fresh start for me. And with that fresh start means that I have another opportunity to tackle what seems to be my never-ending list.

Here’s to fresh starts!