New Year, Same Me

New Year, Same Me

a.k.a. why New Year's Resolutions piss me off to no end

I'm bracing myself, New Years resolutions are coming. I have never quite seen the appeal of them, and the appeal has lessened, transforming in to animosity as I have gotten older.

This is probably because of my two old friends, depression and anxiety.

Even when they kick my ass, they inspire me daily to be the best me that I can be. They are the reason for my tattoos, as well as why I am the way I am today. Depression and anxiety are experiences that I would not wish on my worst enemy. To be perfectly blunt, they suck.

My two friends don't take holidays or sick days. They persist all year, all of the time. Holidays can be just as hard as any other day. This takes me back to why I do not, and probably will not ever like New Year's resolutions.

I'll start with "new year, new me". Why try to change yourself completely just because of the date on the calendar? Depression and anxiety lead to some debilitating self-hatred at times. With treatment, and some reminders from the people closest to me, I have found that, I am me, perfectly imperfect. There are ideal changes that I would love to make, like become supermodel as opposed to me shape, become incredibly gifted scientifically, and a bunch of other things that are out of my control. The small things, like my weight, my grades, surrounding myself with the best people, etc, I have taken into my control. If I am too stubborn to take them in control at the time, I have learned to embrace them, as part of the imperfections that make me me. New year, new me, should not be a thing. Just learn to love and embrace yourself and the imperfections that make you entirely you.

Why am I ranting about this?

I am a fiercely loyal, protective individual. With the things that I have gone through in my life, I have become this way because I do not want the people that I care about to feel the way that I have felt. My two dear friends have let me in the deepest, darkest depths of self-hatred. At one time, I thought that New Year's resolutions were the way to fix it. I was sorely mistaken. Only once I embraced the age-old adage of "one step at a time" did I realize that the only way to truly transform one's self is to take it step by step, continually. Even if it may be baby steps, you just have to keep going. As I tell the folks closest to me, you have to realize how great you are as a person.

Even though I seem to be on my game with this, depression and anxiety still rear their ugly heads, biting me in the butt, and sending me back into the deep dark recesses of my mind. As someone who has, and still goes back to some deep dark depths, I want others to embrace, and love themselves in ways that I often struggle to.

You don't need the new year to be a new you. You don't have to change that much. You often can't change that much about you. So don't.

Happy New Year, and please, don't ask me about my new year's resolutions.

Cover Image Credit: We Know Your Dreams

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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In Real Life, 'Plus Size' Means A Size 16 And Up, Not Just Women Who Are Size 8's With Big Breasts

The media needs to understand this, and give recognition to actual plus-size women.


Recently, a British reality dating TV show called "Love Island" introduced that a plus-sized model would be in the season five lineup of contestants. This decision was made after the show was called out for not having enough diversity in its contestants. However, the internet was quick to point out that this "plus-size model" is not an accurate representation of the plus-size community.

@abidickson01 on

Anna Vakili, plus-size model and "Love Island "Season 5 Contestant Yahoo UK News

It is so frustrating that the media picks and chooses women that are the "ideal" version of plus sized. In the fashion world, plus-size starts at size 8. EIGHT. In real life, plus-size women are women who are size 16 and up. Plunkett Research, a marketing research company, estimated in 2018 that 68% of women in America wear a size 16 to 18. This is a vast difference to what we are being told by the media. Just because a woman is curvy and has big breasts, does NOT mean that they are plus size. Marketing teams for television shows, magazines, and other forms of media need to realize that the industry's idea of plus size is not proportionate to reality.

I am all for inclusion, but I also recognize that in order for inclusion to actually happen, it needs to be accurate.

"Love Island" is not the only culprit of being unrealistic in woman's sizes, and I don't fully blame them for this choice. I think this is a perfect example of the unrealistic expectations that our society puts on women. When the media tells the world that expectations are vastly different from reality, it causes women to internalize that message and compare themselves to these unrealistic standards.

By bringing the truth to the public, it allows women to know that they should not compare themselves and feel bad about themselves. Everyone is beautiful. Picking and choosing the "ideal" woman or the "ideal" plus-size woman is completely deceitful. We as a society need to do better.

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