without you i'm lost.

i'm just so lost. even though i thought i had been found.

& i know that sounds so childish to say.

so insecure-sounding of me.

but i'm not.

i'm not childish, nor am i insecure.

cause you know what?

i could do this without you, i suppose.

life, i mean.

i could do it, had i never met you- in fact i was.

yeah.

i was doing life, but i was not living it.

you being in my life brings me to life.

.......

when we met, it was from a laugh. 

i laughed  at you.

i thought i was so much better than you & your friend.

i did.

i did & yet..

you saw i was alone & you invited me to sit with you & that friend.

i was a stranger that had just laughed in your face.

you humble me.

you bring me back to earth.

GOLD

EST. 9/28/17

.......

We don't fight alot.

I mean, we bicker from time to time, as all couples do.

But that Sunday.

That Sunday I yelled at you. You know the one.

It's just.. I had never raised my voice at you before.

But i did.

& i hurt you.

& myself.

Church plans suddenly cancelled. Our "super awesome" day we had planned suddenly melting down all around & taking me with it..

so you left the scene; even before you had gotten to me.

& i decided some coffee & writing would clear up my head.

Starbucks it was.

i drove.

But first, a pit-stop.

.......

Walgreens

I park, walking towards the building.. tunnel visioned, I just want to get what i came to get, & get out.

I walk in, still in my Sunday Church clothes, surely looking a hot-mess at this point though.

I pull my cardigan around me.

The guilt & embarrassment of the way I had just acted towards you plagues me & i feel unsettled.

I walk towards my aisle, only to see not what I need.

I turn a corner and..

and there you are.

you're there. 

God you are so breathtakingly handsome.

& you're facing me, as if you had been waiting for me.. holding my 12 hour Allegra & Benadryl I would need for your sister's super bowl get together, planned for later that evening.

Plans I had planned to cancel.

I giggle and back into the aisle..

I just can't look at you in the eyes.

But it's weird, all of those negative feeling just left me, the second I saw you.

Perhaps, that's why i giggled. I suddenly realized how absurd our argument had been.

I walk back out into the aisle.

but i still just cannot wrap my hear around how you are really there.

how?

seeing you.. it was just. well, there were no words for it babe.

you didn't cancel our plans..

& you weren't planning on it either.

thank you for not giving up on me, us.

i knew i had been forgiven in that moment.

a Gold standard.

so i forgave myself as well.

something i am still learning how to do.

you bring me back to earth.

you unlock a part of me, not even i have a the key to.

the universe was just not going to let us go down that day.

it's funny though.. you were just as surprised as I was to see you- standing in a Walgreens line, holding meds for me; when you see some short, blonde girl with glasses walk through the doors; it's your girl & she was looking as you would describe: stressed.

so you get out of line & try to make it to her before it's too late.

perfect timing always meets us.

gold timing.

so therefore, i will always meet you. 

with an open mind & an open heart.

i don't have to be on defense with you, nor do i have to raise my voice for you to get what i'm saying.

you get it already, because you listen.

anyway, that's all for now..

i know it's a pretty abrupt ending..

i just wanna kiss you though. 

kiss me? 

-A