A Response To Vincent Van Gogh's Drinking Toxic Yellow Paint

A Response To Vincent Van Gogh's Drinking Toxic Yellow Paint

There's a reason we hold onto these toxic things.
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Vincent Van Gogh was a famous artist who had colorful paintings as well as a colorful mind. This influential man struggled below the surface with depression. Most people probably know him as the artist cut his ear off and gave it to his girlfriend but there was so much more to him. One day, he had mentioned the idea of drinking bright yellow paint because he thought if it was bright and a color associated with happiness that he himself would be a happier human being. However, many are confused with this idea because paint is not something to be consumed — it is toxic and can even kill you, so why would someone even have the logic to intentionally allow toxic things into their bodies and their lives?

Why is this being mentioned now? Well, for me, this is the first time hearing about it I saw a little blurb about it on Twitter and I couldn't agree with the idea more, so I felt I had to dedicate more time to think about it and even expand and hope to share the idea with others. As ridiculous of an idea it is, I almost want to side with Van Gogh with this one. You see, the idea is actually crazy to ingest something so toxic that could kill you, but we need to focus on his thought process behind it. Van Gogh thought by adding something negative to his life that it may have some sort of positive aspect onto his life. For those of you who are still confused why someone might think of this, reflect on your own habits you do to make you happy.

Many things humans do today to make themselves happy are indeed toxic. people ingest things like drugs and alcohol routinely to get a buzz or a high to forget things or to relax or as something “to take the edge off.” But are they really taking your pain away? Some people like the taste, the burn of smoke on their throat or the thrill of taking a shot of alcohol and another and another. These things are being used as tools to help people forget momentarily about their troubled past or current conflict that they can’t own up to. These are real things that people are spending money on daily and abusing and cycling their life over and over experiencing the same pain and maybe even bring more toxins into their lives after the fact. That’s why there’s relapses and hangovers maybe they’re god’s little reminder that these things are indeed temporary and too much of a “good” thing will bring bad after tastes.

What about the toxic relationships people are in?

You can be so hooked on someone, you may think they’re the best person alive and that you might not be able to live without them, but what if they were really tearing you apart? It can be hard to admit someone you love is not the best person of course because you only see good in them, but what if this person wasn’t the best person for you. People can be toxic to you too. Some people are blinded by the attention they are receiving and think the good overlooks the bad in relationships but in reality, the bad really just is being forgotten and while it is, it is piling up. Why else do girls stay with their cheating boyfriends — because they love them and they are able to overlook the mistakes they have made. Why else do some people in relationships apologize for the other’s mistakes? Because they believe love is built on compromise.

What about the humiliating things we do every day to fit in?

High school is the perfect example of this. There are cliques all around us and the pressure is on to find the exact group in which we fit in with. In my opinion, there isn’t always an exact spot for everyone, there isn’t a standard set group for individuals who are completely different, unfortunately, that’s what high school is all about. We push ourselves to be like others and want to alter our own lives to fit in. This, too, is extremely toxic. It is so unhealthy to give up on our own dreams because of the fear of being judged and because these things may not “fit the norm.” We also do things what others are doing because without them we wouldn’t fit in, this could be things like drinking alcohol, gossiping, name calling, anything really that makes one uncomfortable and something they wouldn’t normally do without the help of peer pressure. So, why do people who have been humiliated by other continue to associate with these groups? Because it’s cool to fit in. Why do we conform to the norm? Because we are taught it is bad to be different.

You see all of these things are aspects of our lives that we may participate in daily and guess what? They are extremely toxic. If you read some of the questions and thought “yeah why?” to yourself or completely thought the questions were so silly did you think again when you read the answers? Or did you think how you would or how you do handle these situations in your own life? Now put this into perspective. Do you see why Van Gogh might have wanted to drink the yellow paint? Before you judge others for the toxic things they let into their lives, think of why they might be seen as not toxic to them.

Think — do you have any yellow paint in your life?

Cover Image Credit: Vincent Van Gogh

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Go Confidently In The Direction Of Your Dreams

Confidence is contagious. Catch it. Spread it.
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Being confident is the best thing you can be. Having confidence in yourself brings you so much happiness and takes you closer to accomplishing your dreams because believing "you can" is half of the battle.

"How I feel about myself is more important than how I look. Feeling confident, being comfortable in your skin, that's what really makes you beautiful." - Bobbi Brown

Remember that life is too short to do anything other than what you love. Don't waste your time comparing yourself to others, or even worse, tearing them down. Love and appreciate yourself as the gift that you are, because nothing would be the same if you didn't exist. Reflect on all of the people that love you and take the time to show them some love in return. Count your blessings and say thank you. Stop stressing the little things and relax.

So, what is confidence?

Confidence is...

believing in yourself and your abilities.

saying I can and I will.

self-love and self-respect.

speaking up when you have something to say.

feeling beautiful without needing someone to tell you.

standing up for what you believe in.

being a friend.

forgiveness.

putting yourself out there.

helping others see their own worth.

knowing you deserve the success you achieve.

spreading positivity.

never giving up.

inspiring others.

being proud of yourself and where you came from.

being a leader.

smiling.

having fears and facing them anyway.

Confidence is something worth spreading.

Be so confident that when others look at you they become confident too. You have the power to change your life at any time, be that person you've always wanted to be.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.

Cover Image Credit: Emily Beltran

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The Scars That Are Left Behind: Part 2

Words hurt more than you could ever imagine.
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It blows my mind that people think two words can make everything okay. They think that just because they apologize, everything will be magically changed. Well, NEWS FLASH, "I'm sorry," doesn't change what you did. It never has and it never will.

See also: The Scars That Are Left Behind

I have sat on this for weeks. Thinking that maybe I would be okay with it. That maybe I was over reacting. That maybe what he said wasn't too bad. Well, it was bad, it was beyond hurtful, and I am not over it.

It was on Instagram, the social media of the angels and demons. A picture that was posted MONTHS before he even saw it. He also never followed me. He sought me out to post something so hurtful that nobody could ever say to another person's face, unless they are the most disgusting person alive.

Let's set the mood of the picture first. It was the last day of my summer beach trip with one of my best friends. We were having a great time, had a few drinks, and wanted to make sure that we documented how much fun we had that week. Honestly, we spent a good 20 minutes trying to get the perfect picture that we both loved. It was finally approved by both of us and it was good to go (cover photo is said picture).

Now fast forward roughly six months and somebody posted this comment: "amazing how you stomach fits in that even though it stretching it out." Thirteen words that changed me. I have spent a good portion of my life hating the way I looked until a couple of years ago. I finally accepted who I was and learned to be okay with it. Those words he typed from behind his phone screen absolutely ruined me. I look in the mirror and hate who I see, what I see. I don't see somebody who is confident in her looks, I don't see a 22 year-old woman who has gone through so much to get to where she is today, all I see is some disgusting human being. For days after his comment, I didn't eat, and if I did, I would excuse myself to expel every last bit of it from my body. I spent my nights crying myself to sleep. I made myself believe I didn't have a boyfriend and guys don't show interest in me because of the way that I look. I convinced myself that because he said it, it was true and everybody believed it. I still think people believe it and in all honesty, I still believe it.

Body image is a huge thing. It takes one person to ruin everything that somebody works for. The moment I read that comment, I was ruined. Sure I joked about it with my friends so they wouldn't see how bad it hurt me, but it did, it does, and I think it always will.

The next day, I mustered up enough courage to send him a message and this was our conversation:

Me: The fact that you think what you said was any kind of okay is a testament to who you are and how you were raised.You think that what you say will never matter and never hurt anybody, but your words have power. A young woman these days could spend days telling herself she is beautiful and it takes one person to ruin everything she has worked for. I don't know who you are, your gender, or anything at all except for the fact that you have ZERO regard for others.
Orlandofanpage44: sorry God bless you <3
Me: I sincerely hope you learn from this and NEVER think it is okay to treat a woman the way you treated me. Next time think how you would feel if somebody said those things about you, or better yet, your children. It may not make a difference if they were said to you, but imagine how your child would feel is somebody said those exact words about them. Think before you act. Watch what you say.

Since this conversation the person has since changed their username or just blocked me completely, but this isn't for them. It's for me to finally be free. Hoping and praying that maybe letting all of this out, will somehow free me of all doubt and hatred towards myself.

Cover Image Credit: Leah Alfaro

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