The latest event that has outraged my female friends and me is the California sexual assault case involving Brock Turner. According to CNN, for his actions, Turner could have been jailed up to 14 years, but prosecutors only asked for 6 years. The judge decided on 6 months. Turner’s father commented that this was still too steep a price to pay. In the victim’s letter, she stated, “I…decided, I don’t want my body anymore. I was terrified of it. I didn’t know what had been in it, if it had been contaminated, who had touched it. I wanted to take off my body like a jacket and leave it at the hospital with everything else.” But, of course, Turner should only have to suffer six months in prison, because of the traumatizing effects jail could have on his body and mind.

I have never claimed to be a feminist. I’ve been told that “feminist” has a negative connotation. So I won’t say I’m a feminist. Right now, I’m not asking for the closing of the wage gap, or the right to choose, or whatever else the world generally associates feminism with. All I’m asking is for girls to be looked at and treated with basic human decency.

Men have no idea of the fear that is embedded in each woman’s heart when she is out alone. Men mock women for going to the bathroom together. Men fail to understand women’s need to travel in packs. Men can’t grasp why girls clench their keys between their fingers when they’re out alone, why they lock their cars the moment they get in them.Girls have to ask friends to watch their drinks at bars when they go to the restroom, and get a sick feeling in their stomach when they see a man watching them across the street. The man may not speak, may not catcall, may not even move an inch, but girls are aware when a man is mentally undressing them. Girls know that their words, even the simple ones, like “no,” have very little power to certain types of men.

Rape is the most extreme case and most people agree that rape is wrong, but a woman doesn’t have to be raped to feel violated, uncomfortable, disrespected. When I think of equality, I do not think of voting or income. I think of a boy and a girl who commit the same dress code violation, but only one gets in trouble, of sprinting to my car when I come out of a store alone at night, of boys spewing sexual words about my body just to make me uncomfortable, of rape victims whose rapists went free because the crime was somehow the girls fault. Sometimes I feel as if our entire country has got a ridiculous perspective on what a woman is.

There is a mindset that women shouldn’t be leaders because of fear that they can’t control their emotions, but when a man rapes a woman, him being unable to control his emotions is used as an excuse, and it’s still the woman’s fault.

There is a mindset that a woman cannot simply be upset or angry because of her circumstances, but because she is on her period.

There is a mindset that the main purpose of a woman is to be beautiful, not smart, not successful, not world changing. The more a woman is of these things, the more unattractive insecure men find her.

There is a mindset that a woman should fall in love with a man just because he is nice to her, and if she doesn’t, she is cruel.

There is a mindset that a boy will only leave a girl alone if she has a boyfriend because he respects another man’s emotions more than her own.

There is a mindset that a woman should still be polite when a man is making her incredibly uncomfortable.

There is a mindset that women want to be told that they are different from other girls, as if being an average woman is despicable.

There is a mindset of making women feel guilty, just because they have the bodies they have, whether they don’t meet the ideal body type, or are too “hot.”

There is a mindset that women should be strong enough to leave abusive relationships, instead of a mindset that men should be strong enough not to abuse them.

Finally, there is a mindset that men cannot control their thoughts, their actions, their bodies. Here is where men are being oppressed. They are viewed as being incapable. Just as I hope men will not dehumanize, stereotype, and disrespect me, I will do the same for them. I believe that men can control their actions and should not be judged based off of the actions of the loud minority.

After hearing the news about the Turner’s case one night, my sister and I stayed up to discuss it. After talking about the unfairness of it all, I confessed, “I’m scared.” My sister agreed. She’s in college, a rape happy environment. We reminded each other the importance of staying in groups at all times. We talked about whether or not we needed to purchase something sharp for our keychains to protect ourselves, and to make sure we don’t engage in drinking (or other substance use) to the point of being rendered unable to fend for ourselves. But even doing all these things won’t give us complete security. In the end, we decided, the saddest part was the fact that Turner and his father defended Turner’s actions. Rape is not an everyday thing that most parents defend. But parents do defend when a boy doesn’t control is sexuality in other ways. People defend their sexism. They defend their derogatory view of women.

But perhaps the most important fact to take away from Turner’s case, one that is unfortunately overlooked, is that while one guy sexually assaulted a girl, two men saved her. As a girl who is scared, I cannot begin to express my appreciation to the boys and parents of boys who respect women and teach their children to do the same. I’m thankful for the parents that are quick to scold their son if he is being inappropriate or objectifying a woman. I’m thankful for the guys that insist on walking me to my car because they know the possible danger. I’m thankful for my male friends that are quick to defend me if a guy ever tries to mess with me. I’m thankful for the guys that don’t talk about another girl’s in front of girls, that don’t joke about looking at sexual images of women (and better yet, don’t look at them), that understand that maturity and discretion is attractive. I’m thankful for the guys that don’t make degrading, inappropriate jokes, for the guys that see me as equally capable and smart as them, for the guys that are naturally well-mannered, that don’t try to make a show about it, for the guys that take me seriously if I’m ever upset, for guys that are firm in their beliefs, even if they are unpopular, and for the guys that may have made mistakes but are trying to right their wrongs. As troubled as I am by the world’s view of women, may I never forget that many men are respectful, considerate, and caring. And may these men never feel unappreciated.