“Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful – you have every right to leave.” –Daniell Koepke
There will come a time in your life where you realize enough is enough with someone. Some people who used to add value to your life are now taking and taking. You are allowed to leave people who hurt you. You are allowed to be selfish sometimes. You don’t owe others an explanation for taking care of yourself.
What some people have a hard time realizing is that it is okay to want happiness for yourself before others. You do not always have to sit there, smile, and get walked all over. You are a human being, and you have a right to let someone know that they are hurting you. You are allowed to go against your own mistreatment and set boundaries to people who are overstepping. People will often act surprised when you exercise the right to say no to how they’re treating you, but every bit of that right is yours.
According to research, these are signs that you are surrounded by a toxic person:
- You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction
- You dread spending time and being around them
- Your self-esteem lowers when you are around them
- You’re stuck in a cycle of trying to rescue, fix, or care for them
- They comment on the smallest flaw or perceived imperfection
- It’s always about them, and what they think, want, and feel
It comes down to this. If you constantly have to tell someone the exact same thing about how you feel and they continue to misunderstand you, then they don’t respect you. You cannot change someone who does not see a problem in what they’re doing to you. It is not your job to spend time with people who make you feel small.
After a while of not standing up for yourself, you eventually end up feeling like a worn out puppet. You constantly feel like you have to say things to impress them and do things that will make them happy. However, the good news is that even though you may not be able to control someone’s negative attitude, you can control how long you stick around it.
People end up in toxic relationships because they don't stand up for themselves early enough when the first red flags start showing up. They tend to let it slide because they are afraid that they could leave someone who is important to them. At some point, you have to start respecting yourself. So the hard part is, how do we end these toxic relationships?
These are five steps to help you get out of a toxic relationship:
- Step out of denial. Ask yourself these questions. Do I look forward to being with them? Do I feel excited or drained after I spent a couple hours with them? Do I always end up disappointed by them? If you answered yes to one or multiple of these, then you must realize that this relationship is toxic.
- Cut them off and fill the hole. Find alternative sources of happiness and wholeness. Find what it is that makes you happy and do it.
- Surround yourself with positive people. Search for people who make you happy and those that are busy working on themselves as hard as you are working on yourself.
- Repeat Affirmations. Remind yourself how good your life is. Constantly give yourself words of encouragement and tell God what you are thankful for.
- Allow time for rest. Make time for yourself. Reflect and do the things that will bring you peace of mind.
Having no or limited contact is the best choice after being in a toxic relationship. It can hurt a lot at first but it will eventually become clear that you are better off without them.
These are my final thoughts. Don’t let bitter, unhappy people drag you down. Use their negative attitude and behavior as an example of the type of person you don’t wish to become. Be grateful that you are not like them and that you are making the choice of happiness. You are only going to be as good as the people you surround yourself with, so be brave enough to let go of the people who are weighing you down.
You got this.
