It's Not You, It's Me

It's Not You, It's Me

Oh hell no, not that line again.

Everyone knows the age-old one-liner, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Every time the words fall from some puppy-dog eyed boy with a goofy smile, I almost want to cringe. “It’s not you, it’s me” is worthy of a well-deserved eye roll. Each time I overhear the words fall out of anyone’s mouth, one thing is certain: the poor lad – or lass – on the receiving end is getting rejected and rejection sucks.

Some people exude confidence. Some prefer to hide in their shell while others prefer to classify themselves as extroverted introverts. A lot of people hold back, hide parts of themselves, or are afraid of taking chances or saying hello to their crush because they are afraid of rejection. I don't think any of us should fear rejection for it is a normal part of the human experience. But as much of a normalcy it is, it's also insanely human to not want to get rejected. Whatever the case may be, whenever you muster up the confidence and put yourself out on a limb and get rejected, your confidence takes a blow. You feel hurt, frustrated, maybe a little angry, and wonder why the person didn’t want to give you a chance. Guess what? That's okay.

I’ll tell you a little story about a great example of rejection I experienced. There was this guy I’d seen around campus pretty often and whenever we saw each other, he was polite and definitely had a charming quality about his persona. Through his interactions, I’d misinterpreted his politeness and innocent flirtation as interest and thought Hm, I’ll pursue this kid. I had given him my number but he never texted or called even though our friendly interactions proceeded. I was confused and had an inkling this kid was spoken for – if you know what I mean. One evening, I saw he was sitting alone at dinner and slid into the chair and started a conversation with him. During the conversation, he mentioned his girlfriend at least three times. Three times.

Talk about a slap of reality.

Despite the fact the conversation I had with him was by far one of the most painfully awkward conversations I’ve ever had in my twenty years and I probably wouldn’t be interested in him anymore, I was still incredibly frustrated I’d misread signals and was rejected. I was embarrassed and hurt. I called my mom and let a few water droplets from my tear ducts. After that night I brushed it off and now it’s something I can laugh about and roll my own eyes about.

As cliché as it sounds and as annoying as the realization might be, the words “it’s not you, it’s me,” is a true statement. The most important notion to remember after getting rejected is that is not a reflection of who you are or the quality of your character. If a person isn’t interested, they just aren’t. It does not mean you undesirable or that there is a major flaw in your personality.

When you get rejected, your first instinct and gut reaction might be to react in a fashion similar to this:

It’s totally okay to feel sad and cry a little bit. You can sit in a corner and throw a mini pity-party for a little while, but eventually you have to pick yourself up again, look in the mirror and remember that you’re a great person. One person’s opinion or prejudgment of you is not indicative of whether you are or not.

The best attitude to have when walking away from a person shrugging you off is to shrug them off. Give yourself a pat on the back – you put yourself out there which definitely isn’t always the easiest task to accomplish, but you did it. So what if they didn’t reciprocate the same interest you had? You got your answer, now go on and be your bad self. Attract bees to honey with renowned confidence. Don’t be bitter, be better – and by that I mean be a better version of yourself.

Don’t let the experience taint your self-esteem. It’ll bruise your ego for a little bit, but don’t let it leave lacerations on your heart. It’s not fun to experience it by any means, but it does build experience and make you tougher. Once a person says no, you can move on to the next one. Wipe your hands free and dust off your shoulders and continue to project the radiance you bring to the earth. I read once “Rejection is just God’s way of saying ‘wrong direction.’” Whether you’re religious/faithful or not, think of it as the universe saying “Nope, re-route.” Some things are not meant to be and we just have to learn to accept it and trudge forward.

You don’t need a person who doesn’t give you a chance in your life. You don’t need someone who’s already in a relationship. You don’t need to try to push something that’s not worth pursuing. You need self-confidence and self-assurance. Look at that reflection in the glass and feel good, feel so damn good that reflection belongs to you. Don’t over-inflate your ego or become hostile towards the person who rejected you. Don’t let it bring any negativity into your life. Shrug your shoulders, say whatever, and continue to be happy.

Whenever you get rejected, remember you reject people too. Rejection is normal and it sucks, but it doesn’t lessen the brightness you bring to the world.

Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

Popular Right Now

Professional Athletes Are People, Too

How two NBA players are working to fight the stigma around mental health.

On February 17, 2018, DeMar DeRozan, Toronto Raptors star basketball player, tweeted this out:

DeRozan was in California, preparing to play in the NBA All-Star game, with no obvious struggle to explain this tweet. He was having a career year and leading his team to their best season in franchise history. One of the best players in the league, he had plenty of money, fame, and success. And yet, DeRozan openly admitted that, despite his seemingly perfect life, he still struggles with depression. Two weeks later, Cleveland Cavaliers star Kevin Love published an article on The Players Tribune website entitled “Everyone Is Going Through Something.” In it, he detailed his own experiences with panic attacks that led him to stop neglecting his mental health and talk to a therapist.

In his piece, Love revealed that DeRozan’s tweet helped him open up and share his story. After all, athletes aren’t used to talking about their mental health struggles; Love writes in his article that “I’d never heard of any pro athlete talking about mental health, and I didn’t want to be the only one.”

Having DeRozan be honest about his depression must have been a huge relief to Love, as it showed that he wasn’t alone in dealing with his mental health among his peers. This is why it’s especially important that two athletes revealed that they regularly struggle with their mental health. In sports, depression is seen as a lack of toughness, a crutch that can be taken advantage of.

Love writes that “I didn’t want to look weak. Honestly, I just didn’t think I needed [to see a therapist]. It’s like the playbook said — figure it out on your own, like everyone else around me always had.”

Just as athletes want to play through injuries no matter what, they have also grown up believing that sharing their inner problems will counteract their macho, tough image and make them look weak and vulnerable instead.

This stigma around mental health trickles down to outside viewers: little kids who see their favorite NBA players as superheroes and regular people who may deal with depression but feel isolated because no one talks about it openly. This is why having two athletes go against the mold, fight against the “figure it out on your own” culture in sports, and share their struggles, is so important.

Not only is it difficult for them to be vulnerable enough to share their struggles, but it also shows millions of fans who also struggle with their mental health that they aren’t alone and that their circumstances are very normal: According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experience mental health problems each year. Love and DeRozan sharing their own struggles will help lessen the stigma around dealing with mental health problems.

I applaud DeRozan and Love for being open and vulnerable enough to express their mental health stories. Knowing that millions of people would know something so sensitive and personal about them must have been very difficult. Their platform as professional athletes will hopefully improve how mental health is discussed, both in traditionally macho athletic settings as well as among the general public. Perhaps most importantly, kids who look up to these sports stars as heroes and role models will hopefully learn that mental health struggles are normal, that talking about mental health is extremely helpful, and that anyone and everyone can have down moments in which they need outside help.

DeRozan would later follow up his tweet and say that “no matter how indestructible we look like we are, we’re all human at the end of the day.” Hopefully, with his and Love’s experiences, more people can treat others with respect and kindness, knowing that everyone, even superheroic sports stars, is going through something.

Cover Image Credit: @kevinlove / Instagram

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

10 Thoughts You Have When You Get A Waist Trainer

No pain no gain.

I bought a waist trainer recently after hearing how you could easily shave inches off your waist with it. Here are some thoughts you have when you get a waist trainer.

1. I could definitely look like Kim Kardashian.

2. It’s not going on.

3. I feel my ribs being crushed in.

4. This is definitely helping me poo.

5. Why do there need to be so many hooks??

6. *after two hours* Wow I see results!

7. False alarm.

8. I could totally wear this outside my clothes.

9. How did the oppressed women of the 18th century wear boned corsets??

10. I hate how I love the way I look in this.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Related Content

Facebook Comments