It's Not You, It's Me

It's Not You, It's Me

Oh hell no, not that line again.
31
views

Everyone knows the age-old one-liner, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Every time the words fall from some puppy-dog eyed boy with a goofy smile, I almost want to cringe. “It’s not you, it’s me” is worthy of a well-deserved eye roll. Each time I overhear the words fall out of anyone’s mouth, one thing is certain: the poor lad – or lass – on the receiving end is getting rejected and rejection sucks.

Some people exude confidence. Some prefer to hide in their shell while others prefer to classify themselves as extroverted introverts. A lot of people hold back, hide parts of themselves, or are afraid of taking chances or saying hello to their crush because they are afraid of rejection. I don't think any of us should fear rejection for it is a normal part of the human experience. But as much of a normalcy it is, it's also insanely human to not want to get rejected. Whatever the case may be, whenever you muster up the confidence and put yourself out on a limb and get rejected, your confidence takes a blow. You feel hurt, frustrated, maybe a little angry, and wonder why the person didn’t want to give you a chance. Guess what? That's okay.



I’ll tell you a little story about a great example of rejection I experienced. There was this guy I’d seen around campus pretty often and whenever we saw each other, he was polite and definitely had a charming quality about his persona. Through his interactions, I’d misinterpreted his politeness and innocent flirtation as interest and thought Hm, I’ll pursue this kid. I had given him my number but he never texted or called even though our friendly interactions proceeded. I was confused and had an inkling this kid was spoken for – if you know what I mean. One evening, I saw he was sitting alone at dinner and slid into the chair and started a conversation with him. During the conversation, he mentioned his girlfriend at least three times. Three times.

Talk about a slap of reality.

Despite the fact the conversation I had with him was by far one of the most painfully awkward conversations I’ve ever had in my twenty years and I probably wouldn’t be interested in him anymore, I was still incredibly frustrated I’d misread signals and was rejected. I was embarrassed and hurt. I called my mom and let a few water droplets from my tear ducts. After that night I brushed it off and now it’s something I can laugh about and roll my own eyes about.

As cliché as it sounds and as annoying as the realization might be, the words “it’s not you, it’s me,” is a true statement. The most important notion to remember after getting rejected is that is not a reflection of who you are or the quality of your character. If a person isn’t interested, they just aren’t. It does not mean you undesirable or that there is a major flaw in your personality.

When you get rejected, your first instinct and gut reaction might be to react in a fashion similar to this:

It’s totally okay to feel sad and cry a little bit. You can sit in a corner and throw a mini pity-party for a little while, but eventually you have to pick yourself up again, look in the mirror and remember that you’re a great person. One person’s opinion or prejudgment of you is not indicative of whether you are or not.

The best attitude to have when walking away from a person shrugging you off is to shrug them off. Give yourself a pat on the back – you put yourself out there which definitely isn’t always the easiest task to accomplish, but you did it. So what if they didn’t reciprocate the same interest you had? You got your answer, now go on and be your bad self. Attract bees to honey with renowned confidence. Don’t be bitter, be better – and by that I mean be a better version of yourself.

Don’t let the experience taint your self-esteem. It’ll bruise your ego for a little bit, but don’t let it leave lacerations on your heart. It’s not fun to experience it by any means, but it does build experience and make you tougher. Once a person says no, you can move on to the next one. Wipe your hands free and dust off your shoulders and continue to project the radiance you bring to the earth. I read once “Rejection is just God’s way of saying ‘wrong direction.’” Whether you’re religious/faithful or not, think of it as the universe saying “Nope, re-route.” Some things are not meant to be and we just have to learn to accept it and trudge forward.

You don’t need a person who doesn’t give you a chance in your life. You don’t need someone who’s already in a relationship. You don’t need to try to push something that’s not worth pursuing. You need self-confidence and self-assurance. Look at that reflection in the glass and feel good, feel so damn good that reflection belongs to you. Don’t over-inflate your ego or become hostile towards the person who rejected you. Don’t let it bring any negativity into your life. Shrug your shoulders, say whatever, and continue to be happy.

Whenever you get rejected, remember you reject people too. Rejection is normal and it sucks, but it doesn’t lessen the brightness you bring to the world.

Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

Popular Right Now

I Woke up In The Middle Of The Night To Write About My Fears, They're Worse Than The Dark

One minute I'm thinking about what I want to do after college next thing I know I'm remembering the time I tried talking to a boy and choked on my spit.

8947
views

It is one of those nights when I am tired, but for some reason, I can't seem to fall asleep. So, what do I do? I pull out my laptop, and I begin to write. Who knows where it will lead. It could lead to a killer article or something that does not make sense. I mean it is almost 2 A.M. In my mind, that's pretty late.

Anyways, let's do this thing.

Like many people, thoughts seem to pile up in my head at this time. It could be anything from a time when I was younger to embarrassing stories to wondering why I am "wasting" my time somewhere to thoughts about the future. All of these things come at me like a wildfire. One minute I'm thinking about what I want to do after college next thing I know I'm remembering the time I tried talking to a boy and choked on my spit.

The thought that is going through my mind as I write this is about the future. It's about the future of my fears. Let me explain. I have multiple fears. Some of my fears I can hide pretty well, others I am terrible at hiding. My fears may seem silly to some. While others might have the same fears. Shall we start?

1. My career

I don't know where to begin with this one. For as long as I can remember, my consistent dream job has been working in the world of sports, specifically hockey. A career in sports can be and is a challenging thing. The public eye is on you constantly. A poor trade choice? Fans are angry. Your team sucks? "Fans" are threatening to cheer for someone else if you can't get your sh*t together. You can be blamed for anything and everything. Whether you are the coach, general manager, owner, it does not matter. That's terrifying to me, but for some reason, I want to work for a team.

2. My family

Julie Fox

Failing with my family, whether that be the family I was born into or my future family, it terrifies me. I have watched families around me fall apart and I have seen how it has affected them. Relationships have fallen apart because of it. I have heard people talk about how much they hate one of their parents because of what happened. I don't want that.

3. Time

This could be a dumb fear. I'm not sure, but I fear time. With every minute that passes, I am just another minute closer to the end. With every day that passes that I am not accomplishing goals or dreams I have, I am losing precious time. It scares me to think of something horrible like "What if I die tomorrow because of something horrific?" or even worse, "What if I don't make it through today?" It's terrible, I know.

4. Forgetting precious memories

When I was younger, I had brain surgery. It is now much harder for me to remember things. I am truly terrified that I am going to forget things I will want to hold close to me forever, but I won't be able to. I am scared I'll forget about the little things that mean a lot. I'm afraid of forgetting about old memories that may disappear. I'm worried that I'll forget about something like my wedding day. That might seem out of this world, but it's a reality for me.

5. Saying "goodbye"

I hate saying bye. It is one of my least favorite things. Saying bye, especially to people I don't know when I'll see again, is a stab in the heart for me. I love my people so much. I love being around them. I love laughing with them. Thought of never having a hello with them again scares me beyond belief.

6. Leaving places that I love

Alright, let me start off by saying this- it takes a lot for me to love a place. It has to feel like home. It has to make me feel comfortable. It has to be a place I can go to and be myself. Thankfully, I have had and still have multiple places that are like that. I have also had places I could not wait to leave. I think that's why leaving places I love is so hard and something I fear so much. I am afraid I'll never get that place "back", for lack of a better term. I guess, I'm trying to say, it's like a piece of me is leaving as well.




These six things are just the start of my fears. Some of these might seem "dumb" or "ridiculous" to you, but for me, it's my life. These are the things that I think about the most. These are the things that feel like a pit in my stomach. These six things are parts of my life that mean a lot to me.

Cover Image Credit:

Emily Heinrichs

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

How To Work Toward Your Fitness Goals So You Can Actually Enjoy The Journey

Don't start tomorrow, start today!

77
views

People have different reasons for wanting to get fit. Some people want to lose weight, some people want to gain weight, and some folks just want to be more active. No matter what your goal is and why it is never too late to start your fitness journey.

1. First, do research!

Everyone's body is different, so what works for your friends may not work for you.

2.Try to start your fitness journey within 24 hours of reading this! Stop putting it off! You don't have to wait until New Years to set your goals. You don't have to wait until next winter to start working on your summer body.

3. Join a gym and actually GO!

Grab a buddy if it is too intimidating to go by yourself. If you don't know what exercises to do, go to a class. Most gyms have fitness classes like Zumba, yoga, spin, or kick boxing.

3. Join an intramural or club sport.

If you know you won't work out directly on your own, do an activity that will force you to.

5. Take advantage of the area around you.

Go hiking, swimming, or biking!

6. Change your diet.

Cutting out greasy foods and sugary drinks can go a long way. Also, meal prep may be tedious but it is worth it! If you make all of your meals for the week on Sunday, you won't have to worry about ordering pizza because you don't feel like cooking.

7. Go for morning or evening jogs.

Even if you aren't the best runner, the more you do it, the better you will become.

8. Do simple workouts in the comfort of your own home.

You don't need any form of equipment to do a few sets of push-ups, sit-ups, and squats a day.

9. Do a combination of things listed above! Just be active.

Cover Image Credit:

Maya Sampson

Related Content

Facebook Comments