It's Not You, It's Me

It's Not You, It's Me

Oh hell no, not that line again.

Everyone knows the age-old one-liner, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Every time the words fall from some puppy-dog eyed boy with a goofy smile, I almost want to cringe. “It’s not you, it’s me” is worthy of a well-deserved eye roll. Each time I overhear the words fall out of anyone’s mouth, one thing is certain: the poor lad – or lass – on the receiving end is getting rejected and rejection sucks.

Some people exude confidence. Some prefer to hide in their shell while others prefer to classify themselves as extroverted introverts. A lot of people hold back, hide parts of themselves, or are afraid of taking chances or saying hello to their crush because they are afraid of rejection. I don't think any of us should fear rejection for it is a normal part of the human experience. But as much of a normalcy it is, it's also insanely human to not want to get rejected. Whatever the case may be, whenever you muster up the confidence and put yourself out on a limb and get rejected, your confidence takes a blow. You feel hurt, frustrated, maybe a little angry, and wonder why the person didn’t want to give you a chance. Guess what? That's okay.



I’ll tell you a little story about a great example of rejection I experienced. There was this guy I’d seen around campus pretty often and whenever we saw each other, he was polite and definitely had a charming quality about his persona. Through his interactions, I’d misinterpreted his politeness and innocent flirtation as interest and thought Hm, I’ll pursue this kid. I had given him my number but he never texted or called even though our friendly interactions proceeded. I was confused and had an inkling this kid was spoken for – if you know what I mean. One evening, I saw he was sitting alone at dinner and slid into the chair and started a conversation with him. During the conversation, he mentioned his girlfriend at least three times. Three times.

Talk about a slap of reality.

Despite the fact the conversation I had with him was by far one of the most painfully awkward conversations I’ve ever had in my twenty years and I probably wouldn’t be interested in him anymore, I was still incredibly frustrated I’d misread signals and was rejected. I was embarrassed and hurt. I called my mom and let a few water droplets from my tear ducts. After that night I brushed it off and now it’s something I can laugh about and roll my own eyes about.

As cliché as it sounds and as annoying as the realization might be, the words “it’s not you, it’s me,” is a true statement. The most important notion to remember after getting rejected is that is not a reflection of who you are or the quality of your character. If a person isn’t interested, they just aren’t. It does not mean you undesirable or that there is a major flaw in your personality.

When you get rejected, your first instinct and gut reaction might be to react in a fashion similar to this:

It’s totally okay to feel sad and cry a little bit. You can sit in a corner and throw a mini pity-party for a little while, but eventually you have to pick yourself up again, look in the mirror and remember that you’re a great person. One person’s opinion or prejudgment of you is not indicative of whether you are or not.

The best attitude to have when walking away from a person shrugging you off is to shrug them off. Give yourself a pat on the back – you put yourself out there which definitely isn’t always the easiest task to accomplish, but you did it. So what if they didn’t reciprocate the same interest you had? You got your answer, now go on and be your bad self. Attract bees to honey with renowned confidence. Don’t be bitter, be better – and by that I mean be a better version of yourself.

Don’t let the experience taint your self-esteem. It’ll bruise your ego for a little bit, but don’t let it leave lacerations on your heart. It’s not fun to experience it by any means, but it does build experience and make you tougher. Once a person says no, you can move on to the next one. Wipe your hands free and dust off your shoulders and continue to project the radiance you bring to the earth. I read once “Rejection is just God’s way of saying ‘wrong direction.’” Whether you’re religious/faithful or not, think of it as the universe saying “Nope, re-route.” Some things are not meant to be and we just have to learn to accept it and trudge forward.

You don’t need a person who doesn’t give you a chance in your life. You don’t need someone who’s already in a relationship. You don’t need to try to push something that’s not worth pursuing. You need self-confidence and self-assurance. Look at that reflection in the glass and feel good, feel so damn good that reflection belongs to you. Don’t over-inflate your ego or become hostile towards the person who rejected you. Don’t let it bring any negativity into your life. Shrug your shoulders, say whatever, and continue to be happy.

Whenever you get rejected, remember you reject people too. Rejection is normal and it sucks, but it doesn’t lessen the brightness you bring to the world.

Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

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The Worst Part of the Past Year

I’m stronger because I had to be. I’m smarter because of my mistakes. I’m happier because I’ve overcome the sadness I have known

  

I am going to start out and be very open and honest with you. My past may come as a shock to some people because of how open I'm willing to be about it. I have no regrets of the roads I stumbled down because they were all lessons learned in the end. We all have times in our lives that we wish never happened, we want to bury it deep, deep down so that maybe we wont remember anymore. That's not how we are wired though, we are meant to open up about our wrongdoings and we are meant to learn from them, not pretend as if they didn't happen. That's why I'm sharing what I'm sharing with you today. The worst part of the past year was deciding to move to Canada and to finish my bachelors degree at Redeemer University College. 

I get asked by every single person "Why did you choose Redeemer University when your not even Canadian?". Well, simple; "there was a boy..."is all I ever say. Immediately they fill in the rest (but that's a whole different story for another time). In a nut shell we split and I stayed back in Florida and wasted my time with useless people that were filling me up with childish distraction. During that time I had completely lost sight of who I was. To me, I was literally going insane mentally and emotionally. I wasn't stable in the least and I could hardly hold a conversation with another person. I attached myself to someone I shouldn't have the last month before I left. The things this man introduced me to made it harder for me to let go. 

I did my first line of cocaine with a hundred dollar bill. I was terrified to even do this drug so before I even snorted it I was already shaking like a leaf. I wasn't comfortable and I thought that "this Sadie" was over with years ago. J (that's what we will call him) gave me another bump about every 15 minutes or so just to keep chasing the high. I HATED IT! I could feel my brain chemistry altering with every bump I would take. I had all this energy and no where to put it so my body would just tremble. J ended up giving me a Xanax to calm down. All I remember was the faint smell of gasoline and the soundtrack to 'Suicide Squad'. I woke up in J's bed and didn't remember any of the night. That was only the beginning, from there on out things got progressively worst. 



 

I knew this wasn't me and I knew I needed to get out of this place before things went any further. I headed to the airport and tried to get on the plane. Somehow the flight got messed up and I ended having to stay an extra day in Florida. I.FLIPPED. I made a huge scene at Tampa International Airport and yelled at a few of the ticket workers. I will remind you I was not myself at all at this point in time. 

My mom and dad had to carry me to the car and drove me home to fix my car (I got a flat the day prior). I was hysterically crying on the floor in the backseat on my mom's jeep. I was ripping out my hair and grabbing at my skin to try to break myself out of this meltdown, but I just couldn't. I couldn't calm down, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stop screaming. It was as if I suppressed all the bad down and it all came spewing out like throw up. Eventually my parents finally sent me out and I headed to Canada to rewire my mind, heart and spirit. 

The first week was BRUTAL! I got to stay with one of my dearest friends (which was great) but during the time I was coming off of a binge. I hadn't had a natural sleep in about a month and I didn't have much of an appetite either. I felt so hypersensitive to everything. When I would try to sleep I could hear a constant buzzing for hours on end that drove me insane. I opened up to friends to seek help and I even went to go see a few counselors and they even referred me. Nothing was helping with my pain though. Not until I turned my life over to God. 

I think sometimes God doesn’t just take our pain away when we ask Him. I think we have to push through the pain, walk through the pain, heal through the pain and pray through the pain. instead of praying it away, maybe sometimes He just wants us to pray through it. healing doesn’t come easy and rebuilding doesn’t happen overnight. It took months to recover and become who I was again and I was only able to do it through Lord, our savior. I’ve had my heart broken, my hope destroyed, my mind distorted, my worth questioned, and my soul stained. In all of these, Jesus was able to restore. He was able to redeem. He was able to bring to life what was once dead. He was able to make all things new. He is still able. He never changes. If He has done it once, He will continue to do so. The only thing we must do is to allow Him to take control. Jesus reigns in us, He is now in charge, not us. He makes His kingdom alive in us no matter what we have been through, all things are made new when He comes to dwell in us. Allow Him to live in you and you will witness a beautiful come alive.

I’m stronger because I had to be. I’m smarter because of my mistakes. I’m happier because I’ve overcome the sadness I have known and I’m wiser because I’ve learned from my life.

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Pessimists Aren't Negative, They're Realistic

Pessimism amounts to accepting the inexplicable contingencies of life.

Is the glass half empty or half full?

I’m sure most of us have heard this question and know what each answer implies: half empty means your pessimistic; half full means your optimistic.

Okay, sure, let’s roll with this analogy. Let’s also assume it’s a glass of water, which will serve as metaphor for growth, life, or any other trite symbol associated with water. Now, half-full implies it could be fuller, but more importantly ignores the inevitable emptiness of the glass.

On the other hand, replying half-empty acknowledges that the glass isn’t getting any fuller but is in fact propelling towards that undesirable state of emptiness, or keeping align with our metaphor, the glass will have no water, symbolizing the end of life i.e. death (sorry for the half-ass figurative language, but you get the idea).

This may sound depressing to some, but it really doesn’t have to be; death is ineluctable and is a truth of life and is something we all have to accept. In a sense, acknowledging life ends in death is the most realistic way to view life. And this, to me, is a defining characteristic of pessimists: being realistic.

This doesn’t mean optimists can’t be realistic, but being optimistic about the future isn’t exactly being realistic, because, like I said, the only future guarantee is death.

For example, when optimistic people tell someone in distress things will get better is pure bullshit because they can’t possibly know that things will get better. It’s possible things will get better, and this is why pessimists in this situation would say something like “Things could get better, or they could get worse.”

Once again, this may sound depressing, but I think it’s important to acknowledge that no one can predict the future. I understand that the traditional idea of pessimism is having a negative view of the future, but I don’t think this applies to modern day pessimists. Rather, a pessimistic outlook on the future implies that anything could happen, even the worst.

Therefore, admitting your lack of knowledge of the future is a big part of being a pessimist, but I also think pessimism implies admitting a lack of knowledge of anything, or a better way of putting it, you don’t understand anything.

I know this sounds stupid, but let me try to explain. By not understanding, I mean not understanding how things came to be. For example, some religions (I think) believe that everything happens for a reason; by doing so, these people are attempting to explain or justify certain events, and usually, these events are harmful and can’t be expressed as positive unless there is some “greater good” involved.

Now, a pessimist is the exact opposite, for they believe everything happens for no reason at all; they don’t try to justify horrible events because they understand that’s part of life. And while they understand that’s part of life, they know it’s impossible to understand why bad things are part of life.

Therefore, if it’s impossible to understand why things happen, then it’s impossible to understand, well, anything. In a sense, pessimists adhere to the idea that the only thing you know is that you know nothing. However, if this is the case, how can one know they know nothing?

Well, you can’t, but this is something we must accept. People find comfort in understanding how the world works, it gives them a sense of purpose and control. But once you accept the idea that nothing makes sense and everything is pointless, life becomes one giant joke.

And this is why pessimists have a terribly dark sense of humor, because in an absurd world where the only guarantee in life is the end of life, where irrationality trumps reason, and where all action amounts to nothing, the only appropriate response is to laugh.

Cover Image Credit: unsplash

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