Rejection. It fucking sucks. But you already knew that.
Rejection from boys. Rejection from things I've auditioned for. Rejection from the universe when I try to manifest my dreams. All realities I've faced in the first month of this year.
I've let myself cry. I've let myself sulk in bed. But what I'm doing differently, after experiencing so much rejection in different capacities in 2018, is allowing myself to feel the full range of my emotions. That soaking up of sadness and frustration and defeat is so damn important for me to move forward.
I've noticed that after I feel those things I'm usually angry. There's a little numbness in there. And then I finally start to think rationally. I'm finally in a space where an entire situation isn't clouded by the bad. There IS good there, as long as I choose to see it.
I'm going to keep getting rejected in my life. That's a fact. Why? Because I put myself out there. I don't tone down any parts of myself. I live my truth. I'm loud. I'm excited. I'm passionate. If you're not okay with my "over-the-top" energy, I can gladly show you the door.
I spent too much of my life apologizing for being "too much." It seems these days I still might be "too much" but for different reasons - and that's truly hard to grapple. Because it used to be my personality that was too much. Now it seems that my success is a turn-off.
Rejection will never get easier. But stop apologizing for who you are. Radical acceptance takes work. Takes courage. Takes hope. But it's possible. The clouds dissipate. The prospect of the future shines through. And you come to the radical realization that you have made it through every day that has brought you to the present moment. Which means you have the capacity to keep doing that.
This is me. Not broken. Not in need of being fixed. Not crazy. Just me. And to the people who believe otherwise? I'm a big girl. I've been rejected before. You're not special. I got this.