“Spirituality has nothing to do with green juice, a gluten-free diet, mala beads or what’s on your bookshelf. Spirituality is the measure of how loving you are.”

Mastin Kipp

Over the last few years, I’ve become increasingly interested in the subject of spirituality. The more insight I grasp, the more the topic perplexes me. The infinite amount of perspectives leads me into an endless curiosity. The more I learn, I realize, the less I really know.

Not so long ago, if the word God was so much as mentioned in passing conversation my walls were up within seconds, and immediately I was defensive. I’m still not entirely aware of where this feeling stemmed from, but something tells me it’s because I was afraid…. because I didn’t fully understand it.

The irony is that I have always loved new and different things… anything new or foreign, throw me in! I want to learn and understand all that I can about people and places, different ways of seeing and interpreting the world and diverse ideas. But God? Spirituality? Count me out. I wanted nothing to do with it.

I do not like being forced into anything. I do not like things being crammed down my throat, or being told I need to define something in a certain way for it to be “correct.” I don’t think anybody does. It wasn’t until a friend approached me in the kindest, most passive way, free of any intention that I even began to think about spirituality and the role it played in my life.

“And God? Spirituality? What are your feelings on that?” She had asked.

“I’m not into that. Don’t even get me started,” I had replied.

She smiled, “Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it?!? Where’s your intervention? Where’s your you need to find God speech? If only you had God in your life? You’ve seriously got nothing for me?”

She laughed. “No. I’m not here to badger you into anything. That not my job. You’ll find what you need to, when you need to.” And she proceeded to return to whatever conversation we had been engaged in prior.

I sat there dumbstruck.

She wasn’t going to try and persuade me, or sell me on anything. She had genuinely just wanted to know my feelings on the matter and I got defensive in my response, as I always had.

That night when I returned home, my head was swarming with questions. Why was I so cynical towards spirituality? Why did such a negative emotion take over me whenever God was brought up? Why had I never questioned this before?

And it was because I was scared. Scared to look into something unknown. Scared to admit I had absolutely no definition of God, nor an ounce of spirituality in my life whatsoever. Scared it would forever change my life. Scared I would be converted into some sort of religious cult.

It all seems silly to me now, but it is how I felt at the time. Since then, I have become more open to the idea of God, and spirituality, and I feel that I have come a long way from the girl who used to shut down at the mere mention of the subject. Here are the most important things I have learned thus far, and lessons that keep me on track. Although I use the word God, which freaks some people out, I really am referencing to whatever higher power you have…. Whatever that may be, in whatever form that may take…. Also, please keep in mind that this is only my experience. I would never try and force any beliefs onto anyone, nor shun them for theirs, no matter how different they may be from mine. I’m aware that more than half the people reading this article have already stopped, I know I would’ve years ago.

I write this for people who may be on the fence with this whole spirituality subject, who are curious, but not entirely sure. I’m not saying it’s the only way, and I’m not even saying it’s right. I’m simply sharing my experience, in hopes that someone can gain something, or open up their mind to something they may have previously been shut off to. I know these points allowed me to open up my mind, helped me erase the negative and replace it with my very own definitions. Here’s to hoping this article opens up a piece of you that may have been closed off, or at the very least, ignites curiosity and encourages you to look into spirituality, disconnected from what you have always labeled it as, and redefine it in reference to what it means for YOU.

YOU GIVE DEFINITION TO SPIRITUALITY

One of the main reasons I detested the terms God and spirituality is because somehow I was under the impression that there was a universal and concrete definition that everyone had to abide by. When I thought of God, I imagined a monotone church service where everyone was chanting rehearsed hymns from the bible, emotionless. It wasn’t until I discovered that God, organized religion, and spirituality are terms that are completely solitary of one another. True, they are often used together, but for me, I needed to see each one separately. My friend gave me two vital pieces of advice. First, I must realize that organized religion and spirituality are different entities. What seems obvious to me now, years later, was new to me then. I had never untangled the two and had always put them into the same category, neither defining each on its own. I discovered anyone can be spiritual without being involved in organized religion, and it is up to each individual to decide what works for them. Simply put, it was eye-opening for me to realize they are divided subjects that can stand completely parallel to one another, or conjoin, depending all upon what you want.

The second piece of advice that my friend gave me was equally as important as the first. She said that I am in control of defining my spirituality and my God. This simple sentence completely changed my perspective. It opened the door the tiniest bit to be willing to understand more. She explained to me that I must stop searching on the outside for a definition or spirituality, and rather, look within. For someone who previously thought spiritual meant lighting candles in a desolate area while chanting mantras and quoting Buddha was the “correct” spiritual way…. This was mind blowing. Once I opened my mind, I was able to see clearer that this term is defined in whichever way I choose to define it as.

When I finish a long run, that’s spiritual to me. When I’m laughing with friends and feeling so unbelievably grateful that they are in my life, that’s spiritual to me. When I’m drinking my coffee in the quiet of morning, watching the sun come, that’s spiritual to me. You don’t need to be in a church kneeled down praying to be spiritual. You can be if you want! But you don’t have to be. And the beautiful thing is that YOU choose. Spirituality if defined by you, through you, and there is absolutely no wrong in whatever you decide works for you.

ITS WITHIN YOU

Like I said before, years ago I thought there was a correct place for spirituality. Like you had to be on your yoga mat. Or in a church. Or a certain time of day, in dead silence. Newsflash: there is hardly ever the correct time or environment, because life is not set up that way. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all had an hour every morning, before we really started our days to pray and meditate? To get quiet in our heads? To clear our minds? To put life on hold? Realistically, unless you’re the Dali Lama, or in some intense meditative training course…. that’s hardly the case.

I remember while I was living in Buenos Aires, there was one day where absolutely nothing was going my way. I had missed my teaching lesson because the public transit was down. I had walked miles, only to find out that I was in a completely different part of the city than I needed to be in. I missed my family and friends. I was losing faith in why I had even come to the city, and I was physically and mentally exhausted. I returned to my apartment, sprawled out on the living room floor and cried. After letting the tears fall, I realized I needed to calm down. If I wasn’t calm within, everything would go south real fast. I told myself to breathe. Breathe in…. breathe out…. breathe in….and like clockwork…. The elevator alarm in my apartment complex starts going off. As I’m lying on my floor, tears all over my cheeks, this screeching alarm is just blaring incessantly through the building. I continued crying until I was laughing. Moral of the story? I am an emotional rollercoaster that has more feelings in one day than most have in an entire month.

Kidding. The moral of the story is that you are hardly ever going to have the perfect “set-up” to be spiritual, or to talk to your higher power. Years ago, I felt that there was a specific time and place for prayer, almost as if it was designated for a certain time of day, and not to be touched again until the next appropriate time. For me now, I realize that sometimes I am going to need to pray on a crowded bus in Buenos Aires. Sometimes I am going to need to step outside of work in the middle of a rush, to simply STOP, breathe, and re-center. Sometimes, I am simply going to need to shut my eyes and breathe. I am going to need to find that quiet place inside of my mind meanwhile the chaos of life is swirling like crazy around me. That is spirituality. Because in life, there’s work. There’s schedules and responsibilities. There’s heartbreak and pain…and elevator alarms. You’ve got to make it work. You have to mold spirituality and your higher power into your life, not go outside searching for it. It is that quiet place inside of you, where tranquility is found, where the right next step is presented clearly to you, where you are at the very closest point to YOUR truth. No membership is needed. No fancy stones need to be surrounding you. No candles need to be lit. All you need to do is look within.

IF THERE’S NO ACTION, THERE’S NO POINT

For a short while, I was getting so caught up in the idea of spirituality, on a surface level, and not truly living it. Let me explain….

Say you take chemistry classes all your life. You study day in and day out, you live and breathe chemistry. You memorize, you theorize, you completely immerse yourself into the subject and learning everything there is to learn within. You actually learn so much, it’s quite possible that you could cure cancer or create life-changing inventions. But you don’t. You fill your head up to the brim with all the knowledge in the world… and you never take any of it outside the classroom.

What good is that? What benefit does that have? What purpose does that serve? If knowledge cannot be applied in life… what is the point? Isn’t that the entire purpose behind learning?

I read books upon books on spirituality. Every theory, every perspective, different teachers, different authors… books from the 70’s…. books written within the last year. I listened to endless amounts of podcasts. I watched innumerable online videos on everything from staying connected to how to live with love. All of this… and ten minutes later I’m in my car furiously cursing out the lady that cut me off on the highway. Point being? How much binging on the topic of spirituality or a higher power actually makes you a better person?

For me, the entire purpose buried beneath this complex topic is to be a better human being. To live a life with purpose. To pour out as much love as I possibly can during my life. To live genuinely, and no matter what form I choose to live in, that it is connected to MY truth. No amount of books, podcasts or videos can create this. This isn’t a test in school where you pass or fail determined on how much information you digest. You can learn all you would like, and it is a wonderful foundation to have, but the real test here is what kind of human being you are in your life. Spirituality is not found in any book or determined by how much time you spend meditating every day. Spirituality is determined by the quality of human being you are, and the sincerity of your actions in everyday life. Take your beliefs outside into your everyday life, transform them from ideas bouncing around in your head to concrete actions found in your everyday life. Practice what you preach.

STOP TRYING SO HARD

The last point I would like to make is the lesson I’ve learned most recently: Stop trying so damn hard. I hit a point where my spirituality was actually depleting me. My mind was being pulled in a million different directions, trying so hard to stay centered and connected and all that “good stuff.” I’d sit down to meditate and my mind would take off. I’d get even more frustrated and try harder. I’d concentrate with all my might to clear my mind, and in turn it would make it even harder.

Ever sit down to do a puzzle and you just cannot find the right piece? You try and try and try for hours until your mind feels like it’s about to explode and you finally walk away exasperated. Then, you come back the next day… and boom. There’s the right piece, the one you were searching hours for the day before. It fits right in the place where you need it to with no attempt whatsoever?

That’s how spirituality is to me. If you force it and manipulate it, it loses all its beauty.

From my experience, your higher power and spirituality is all the good that is already inside of you. Don’t overcomplicate it. Don’t mold something so beautifully simple, something inherently pure into a tangled mess. Define it as you would like, make it fit into your life. Remember it is within you, wherever you travel, and through all the chaos of life. Remember to act upon it, for faith without action means absolutely nothing. Connect to your truth, whatever that may be, whatever packaging that may come in, maintain that connection and let it guide you.