I have seen a plethora of blogs circulating the Internet as of lately, that are titled something like, "10 Reasons to Thank Your Ex-Boyfriend," " Thank You To My Least Favorite Ex," "How I Lost Him But Found Myself" or "Why You Should Thank Your Ex for Breaking Your Heart."
Well I am here to set the record straight.
There is this notion that when we have finally mended our broken heart, we can look back on our failed relationship and thank our ex partner for the good, bad, ugly, wonderful and horrible times we shared. This is fine. This is a form of acceptance and acknowledgement that you did share a significant amount of time with another person.
What is not fine is when we begin to say these things:
1. Thank you for breaking my heart because it helped shaped who I am today.
2. Thank you for teaching me how I should not be treated.
3. Writing a blog about your ex in general on social media, that usually contains cryptic messages to your ex and involves shaming your ex partner.
How about ... no, thank you?
My question to all the women and men out there with broken, healed, or even fractured hearts is — why would you ever, thank someone, who has done so little for you?
Breakups can be a wonderful time to step back, re-evaluate what you truly want in life and even a chance to re-invent yourself. It can be a time of tremendous personal growth, and the cheapest thing you could ever do is give someone else credit for that. You need only to look in the mirror and thank yourself.
That was not your ex. That was you all along. Go you! You have no one to thank but yourself, and you surely don't need to thank someone for treating you badly so that you "now have an exact reference of what you won't put up with in the future." What is that?
Unfortunately, people are allowed to to stop loving you. They are allowed to fall out of love with you and they are even allowed to never want to speak to you again if that is what they believe will bring about their happiness. What they are not allowed to do is treat you poorly or cruelly, whether that is during the relationship or the breakup. While we can say we have learned things through bad situations, it is a popular misconception to say, bad things must happen for me to learn. Good relationships feel good. They feel right. They do not hurt, and they are not painful. You do not need someone to treat you badly to formulate a reference point of what is bad behavior. You will know it and feel it. Take charge of your life and end it there.
We are constantly evolving as people, and it's important to realize that it's not a bad experience that makes you who you are, but how you handle that experience. Whether that be with grace or spiraling completely and utterly out of control, it's actually completely up to you ! This life is 100 percent yours and your responsibility.
In conclusion, you are your own best friend and you are who gets you through the end of the day. This journey of life is a lonely one. We are constantly learning, growing and building ourselves up; and if someone walks into your life, appreciate their company, but never give someone credit for your own growth.
I'm going to end this article with one of my all time favorite quotes. Enjoy!
"We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and - in spite of True Romance Magazines - we shall all look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely - at least, not all the time - but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self respect so important, and I do not see how you can respect yourself if you must look into the hearts and minds of others for happiness."
