"I was just teasing."
"Can't you take a joke?"
"Just kidding."
Playing around and teasing is something that usually begins at a very young age. Parents use it around their kids while siblings and cousins use it around each other, and children use it at school around their friends. For the most part, it is harmless and funny.
It becomes a lot more complicated and harmful when it's directed at a person. The word harmful is bolded because it is so important to emphasize that it's an actual effect that it can have on the person you direct it towards. There is the old adage "stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Since October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and as bullying has become more and more of a problem in the United States, I believe that it is necessary to point out that statements that we think are harmless could actually be harmful. There's that word again.
In case you were wondering, the answer is yes. I have been on the receiving end of the "say 'just kidding' right after an insult'" trend. Some have been said by actual bullies, others who claimed to be "loved ones" or "friends." It would hurt with both parties, but it hurt more when the "loved ones" or "friends" said it because they were people I cared about, and I thought they cared about me too. Whenever I reacted negatively to the insult, they would say "just kidding, jeez Jordan, you can't take a joke can you?" I'm sorry, but when you look me dead in the eyes and say something negative about me, I take that seriously. I find it even more disturbing when you say "just kidding" with the straightest face and the coldest, monotone voice you can possibly use. Obviously, you meant what you said; I can see the look in your eyes. People often know if a person is kidding or not by the look in their eyes and the tone of their voice.
Notice when I said that this is a "trend." It's come to the fact that it's happening so often in today's day of age that it is, sadly, a trend. People use it to throw shade at others, to make derogatory comments to other people, and a couple of months ago, I wrote an article about why I don't like the "cot dammit Elizabeth" snapchats (which you can find right here). The boyfriend basically "motivated" his girlfriend to work out by saying degrading things to her, like "you are one nugget away from getting zero likes on your next Instagram post." Whether or not he was "just kidding" we will never know. This has become a form of bullying, whether or not you're truly kidding.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Yes, we should not let words get the best of us, but words do hurt. Please think about what you say before you say it. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. It's a simple adage that we should bring back.
If you or someone else is getting bullied, click here to go to the stopbullying.gov site. It gives information about what bullying is, and what you can do if you or someone you know is getting bullied.
To anyone that has been bullied- you are not alone in your struggle.
