Relationships are never perfect. They may seem that way when they first start, and you may think that throughout the entire thing, but there is never a truly perfect relationship. Partners are meant to support each other and sometimes even keep each other in check, but what happens if a partner gets too overbearing? Too jealous? What happens when you begin to question your relationship, despite thinking that everything is perfectly fine?
Even long distance relationships have the potential to be abusive, and if you are as young and easily influenced as I was when I first entered into one, then I hope you are better versed in the signs of emotional abuse than I was. It took me almost an entire year after our relationship ended to realize that things my ex had done or said were hallmarks for an emotionally abusive relationship. It will probably take me many more years to recover completely, despite having the wonderful, supportive, and loving partner that I have now. At least one for every year that my ex and I were together.
When the relationship first started, I was only 16. I barely had a political opinion formed, and was still heavily under the influence of my parents and their views about things. This formed a small rebellious spark, which turned into the giant flaming mess that was my relationship with my second boyfriend.
In the beginning of our relationship, my ex (whose name I will leave out to respect both of our privacies) was extremely moody, to the point where we could be talking all day and I could see his mood switch two or three times. He was also extremely and unreasonably jealous, would say things like he would not be able to continue on living if we broke up, and would question where I was if I said that I was going somewhere, and then did not check in with him. It wasn't too bad at first, and I even thought it was cute at times to have someone who cared about me so much, but as time wore on, I found it more and more annoying. Every month we had a fight, near our anniversary date, over some of the most menial things. When it finally came to me choosing where to go to college, I only picked places that would be near my boyfriend at the time, and when I finally settled on UoP, the worst of all our arguments came to a head. My love for him was questioned, and so was my independence. It also almost lead to our break up. Looking back on it now, I wish it had. A break up then would have spared me two more years of heartbreak, suffering, and perhaps would have enabled me to grow even more than I have done in the past four years.
Almost two months ago, I made the mistake of talking to him again, and almost took him back. I am extremely glad now that I had enough sense not to do that, as it would likely have renewed the cycle of emotional abuse and suffering that I had endured for four years. Thankfully that is not what happened, and I instead began dating my best friend of six years, who supports me and my choices, and respects every boundary that I have set. But I know that that is not the case for others. All I wish is for anyone who thinks they are in an abusive relationship to seek help. Please let someone help you. Do not continue to endure any unfair treatment by someone who is supposed to love you.
And please remember to love yourself.
