Love.
Such a strong word everyone seems to be looking for. I for one am such a believer of true love.
When a guy tells me he actually cares about me, I believe him. So when I met the man of my dreams last summer I thought that he was Mr. Right. Man, was I wrong. After months of happiness it soon turned into months of being frightened. Days turned into feeling lonely, even if he was right by my side. Nights turned into tears streaming down my face, crying myself to sleep because I felt so alone. I can't explain to anyone why I let myself go through such misery.
People told me, "he's not a good guy, it doesn't seem like he treats you ok, or just get out now it's so easy". Well I would never describe removing myself from the situation as easy. There were many times I tried to leave and every time I tried to leave I was harassed with phone calls. My voicemail was full of him crying and saying he loved me and how much he wanted me back, he never meant to scare me or upset me. I always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because I loved him. I love him with all of heart. I trusted him. Trust for me does not come easy, but in the first few months I got to know this new man in my life, I felt that I could trust him with my secrets, I could trust him with my life.
He knew how much I cared about him and he took that to his full advantage. Although the way he treated me was in no way ok, I don't want to completely blame him for the way the relationship was. I should have stayed away the first time he raised his voice, the first time he drove like a lunatic because he was "angry at me" putting both of our lives in danger. I should have listened to those who cared about me, telling me he was SO wrong for me. However, without these experiences, I would have never become the person I am today.
I will never forget the day I left him, it will forever haunt my brain. That was the day I felt a weight come off of my shoulders, the day I knew my life would be different in a better way. As my heart still heals from the pain I went through trying to rebuild the trust I lost is difficult. Although women may think, it will never happen to them, it can happen to anyone. I never thought I would have been stuck in a relationship with violence and emotional abuse. But it happened and there is nothing I can do to take it back.
What I can do is push forward and build a better life for myself and never allow for myself to get involved in a situation like that, ever again. I just want women and young girls to realize just because you love him does not mean he loves you the way he SHOULD. Love is a strong word and with love comes trust. The purpose of this article is for others to learn from my mistakes. All I can do is live my life in the way that I am happy. Focusing on myself and those who love me in order to keep the positivity flowing in my life is what makes me, me.
