10 Real Questions From College Guys About Love And Dating

10 Real Questions From College Guys About Love And Dating

A once in a life time opportunity, to find out the questions college guys have about love and dating.

“Your biggest problem is that you love being in love.” This is what my mom recently said to me while we were talking about my recent break-up.

After a failed attempt of trying to defend myself through five minutes of stuttering, I walked out of her office frustrated and silent. Then like clockwork, while texting one of my sorority sisters, she pointed out that I don’t need to have a love life, but rather flings.

So here I am laying in my bed, listening to "Only You" by Yaz (yes, the song is older than I am) thinking about love and dating. Is it really such a problem to be in love with love? Do I really need to just have flings? Then, I started wondering how guys felt.

I am like a deer in the headlights when it comes to figuring out how guys think and operate. After all, I have only really ever seriously dated two guys. Intrigued, and starting out as a joke, I sent out a Google Doc to all the fraternities my sorority has on GroupMe, asking guys to anonymously submit questions about love and dating in college. And guess what? They actually sent in questions!

Here it is ladies, the questions that the handsome college men of Purdue have about love and dating in college and my thoughts on them.

1. "If I like two girls and they both like me back, what do I do?"

I wish I could tell you who would be best for you, but ultimately, only you can decide that. If anything, I would tell you to be honest with them because if they find out about each other, they could possibly feel betrayed!

2. "How do you deal with having hardly any dating experience, especially in an environment where most people want to hook up?"

Just do you! It is 100 percent OK to not be looking for a hookup! I know I’m not. If anything, just live your life with your standards and goals in mind. It is easier said than done, but eventually, you will find the right person that is not going just want to hook up. They are out there, so don’t give up hope!

3. "Where are the non-crazy chicks at?"

Well, I don’t know where you keep meeting these crazy chicks but I am pretty sure Purdue University does not only accept “crazy chicks”. If you keep meeting these girls in certain environments (parties, Tinder, etc.), you should probably expand and meet girls in a new type of environment.

4. "How well does a girl need to know you before you ask her out?"

I mean, I would not just randomly go on a date with a random guy that came up to me on the street, but you could always go up to her and have a genuine conversation to get her number! No method of communication is better than in person! So go get ‘em!

5. "What if one person in a relationship has no sexual experience?"

Like I said above, THAT IS TOTALLY FINE! Particularly in college relationships, people make it seem that if you aren’t having sex, it’s not working out. Well, they are lying. I am willing to bet that a lot more relationships than what one thinks, are not having sex.

6. "Can you fall in love more than once?"

YES! YES! YES! Of course you can. Do you remember that feeling you had when you had your first kiss or first actual relationship? That was love! I also believe that there are many different types of love because the love you felt for your first girlfriend is way different than the love you will feel for your future spouse! It doesn’t invalidate that love, it’s just a different type of love.

7. "Do girls prefer to be asked out by the guy first?"

Yes. While girls often like to take control of situations, it is always nice to be approached by a guy first. It shows that you are genuinely interested in them and in the relationship, especially if you do it in person. (Do it in person!)

8. "Have friends with benefits ever worked in the history of mankind."

One word, two letters, very simple word- no.

9. "A lot of sorority girls have a lot of guy friends so how do I know if she’s being playful with me like with her other guy friends or if she’s actually flirting?"

I think if she had further feelings for you, she would treat you different or would tell you herself. Unfortunately, it sounds like you have fallen into the never ending void of the friend zone.

10. "Can you ever love someone new without closure of a past relationship?"

Yes, I definitely think you can. It really sucks and I would know because this has happened to me but you will live and love again another day. It may take time, but I definitely think it’s possible. There is no such thing as the perfect thing at the wrong time because the perfect thing would be perfect at any time.

While I received and overwhelming about of questions these were just my favorites! Actually, I had a lot of very similar questions. To answer the many questions referring to sex that I didn’t post, all in one statement, I am not a personal sex therapist nor do I want to be. Guys, either step up your game or stop making relationships and love all about sex because it is not all about that.

A shocking question that I received specifically for me was “Do you plan to be in a serious relationship by the end of college?”. At first, I kind of laughed, but when I truly think about it I don’t quite have an answer. I think ideally, in some perfect world, yes, I would love to be in a serious, committed relationship by the end of my time at Purdue (LOL chances of that happening though are looking slim).

I mean isn’t that one of the biggest stereotypes of college anyway? That we meet the person we will marry in college? But realistically, I would be okay if I wasn’t. Sometimes life happens, and if the love of my life isn’t at Purdue then he is somewhere out there!

There you have it, ladies, maybe guys don’t think all that much different from us. While it may seem impossible or that you aren’t finding the right person in college, I really just think it takes time. For both guys and girls, while waiting for that special someone, focus on yourself and your friends because that is who will always be there despite whether you are in a relationship or not.

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How to Break Up With a Guy

Without Being Too Mean

It's not you. No, no, it's definitely him. But nobody wants to be the bad guy, we consulted some top dating experts for advice on breaking up with minimal drama and heartache.

Step 1: Take Responsibility

Maybe he's a two-timing jerk. Maybe you're a two-timing jerk. Or maybe he's just mind-numbingly boring. Whatever the reason, you need to tell him. Dragging things out only exacerbates the problem. You wouldn't want a guy to waste your time, so don't waste his.

Step 2: Plan Ahead

Lay the groundwork for a smooth breakup. Relationship coach Mitchel Fink recommends lining up a new place to live pre-breakup if you're living with your boyfriend. If you've got your own place but tend to leave things behind at his, "start removing it before the breakup," she says. "If he's borrowed stuff, make an excuse to ask for it back."

Write off little stuff like your toothbrush and old CDs. If he offers to return it, great, but it's not worth the drama.

One final consideration: If your guy's got a violent temper, bring friends with you when you get your stuff later.

Step 3: Stage the Scene of the Crime

It is not cool to dump someone by text, email, IM or Twitter. Who are you, Joe Jonas? "It always has to be in person if you have had over five or six dates," says Brad Berkowitz, author of "The 21st Century Guide to Bachelorhood."

So what's the ideal place for dropping the hammer? Lure him to a public place that's quiet, such as a park or a cafe, suggests dating writer Melissa Braverman of Single Gal in the City. "This makes it easier to keep the conversation from dragging on and limits the potential for a big scene. Sit across from him, not beside him, to communicate that you stand firm in your decision."

Make plans with a friend for an hour after you meet your guy, so you have an excuse to leave. And avoid breaking up at home, where you run the risk of a dramatic scene in which he refuses to leave (or pulls a Kenley and throws a cat at you).

Step 4: Keep It Short (If Not Sweet)

Nobody wants to use those trite sentiments ("I really need to focus on me right now"), but brutal honesty ("I'm hooking up with the hot intern at work") won't earn you any points either. Acknowledge that you care about him, but be firm when you explain that it's not working out. Skip the blame game -- it doesn't matter, and you'll only encourage a back-and-forth debate or him trying to rationalize his way out of singlehood.

Adds Braverman, "Give him the opportunity to express his feelings, but don't allow the conversation to go on for more than an hour. A protracted goodbye will only mislead him into thinking he still has a chance with you. Respect yourself and him enough to make a graceful exit."

Wear a velvet glove when blowing off a nice guy, but forget it when it comes to dumping a dirtbag -- he may try to charm (aka manipulate) you into staying. "Tell the dude 'Your bed has become too crowded to include me.' Leave him scratching his head. No drama -- over and out!" says Loveawake.com relationship expert Dr. Stella Painfree

Don't let yourself get over-emotional or over-detailed -- just be firm that it's not working for you anymore. And make it clear that your decision is final: "I just don't think we should be together right now" or waffling makes him think he's still got a chance.

Speaking of weakness, do not have breakup sex. Yes, we know, it's the only good thing about a breakup. It's also rarely good (too much weeping), loaded with mixed signals, and essentially a pity lay.

Step 5: Have a 24-Hour Plan

There's no reason to rush ahead into a friendship with your ex. You both need time to heal. Avoid places that the two of you used to frequent as a couple, or anywhere you might run into him. If you start to feel down in the dumps and like you've just thrown away your only chance of love, Dawn Masler-Ranish, author of "The Broken Picker Fixer", suggests finding a retreat buddy -- "a girlfriend you agree to call when you feel lonely and are tempted to reach for a man-daid."

If mutual friends are involved, ask him how he wants to handle the situation -- would he prefer to announce the bad news first? Be aware that friends often feel forced to take sides, so be honest with them and avoid dissing your ex.

Finally, avoid the usual broken-heart Facebook trauma by simply hiding your status or deleting it from your page, and resist the urge to leave status updates about him. Detox your page and your home by taking down lovey-dovey photos; casual, travel or party photos can stay up. Consider deleting him as your Facebook friend for the time being. It may sound harsh, but you'll feel better without the temptation to cyberstalk his profile.

Tell Us: Have you ever broken up with a guy and had it go really badly? Got any pointers? We want details!

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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An Open Letter To The Boy Who Made Me Feel Worthless

You broke me and tore me down until I was nothing.

You know who you are.

To this day, you still deny the fact that anything you did was wrong.

You made me feel like I was the only girl in you world. You made me feel like I was everything and all to you... in the beginning.

These feelings faded away quickly when you let your ego get in the way of our relationship. You hated me within weeks of us being together, you made me go behind my parents' backs, belittled me, and abused me mentally.

But with this being said, what gives? Why did I stay with you for so long if you did all of these bad things to me and never felt remorse for any of it?

It's because of love. I loved you, but you did not love me back.

Love blinded me of the ways that you made me feel, it blinded me of the words that you used every time words came out of your mouth, it blinded me of the way that you treated my friends and family, it blinded me of the way that you treated me...

I don't hate you. No, I don't. I thought I did hate you. I thought to myself that you were the worst thing that has ever happened to me and that you were a sick and cruel human being. But I can't hate you. Why? Because you were consequently the first person I ever imagined a future with. You were the first guy who ever loved me. The first guy who ever gave me the attention that I oh-so always crave. I forgive you, but I hope that the next girl you're with doesn't get the same treatment that I did. Maybe one day you'll realize that you were in the wrong and you can't get everything in life your way.

But, here I am... still wondering to this day why you did these things to me? What was the give? What was the takeaway? To break my heart and make me numb? Because I can promise you that you did that to me. I can promise you that you made me feel worthless.

I know that you might think that I hate you, but like I said... I don't. I just want people to know what you did to me and how love blinds people. I loved the memories and time we had together (for the most part) because you made me the happiest I'd ever been. But, it was time for the abuse and the dominance to be taken out of my life, as much as I did love you.

Cover Image Credit: Ali Yahya

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