I have been through awful relationships with perfectly nice boys (and some who had a lot of growing up to do). It’s true that your first heartbreak changes you, but so does the first time you love someone who actually treats you like a person with inherent value.
They are not the only person to blame. I certainly did not have everything together in high school (or even now), and I made some relationship-costing mistakes.
Through my life I dated a handful the stereotypes: the innocent, pre-high-school boyfriend, the overbearing, my-happiness-depends-on-you boyfriend, the right guy, wrong time boyfriend, the one who I liked a lot, despite that he had no goals or dreams beyond drugs boyfriend, and the skater-boy I just couldn’t bring myself to say, “see ya later boy” to boyfriend
When I got to college, I swore that I would not date someone unless I could genuinely see myself spending my life with them. Through the failed relationships I had experienced, watching my parent’s relationship fall apart, them both falling in love again (sometimes it working out, sometimes not), and seeing the ups and downs of my friend’s love lives, I became incredibly self-aware and knowledgeable about what I was looking for in a relationship at this point in my life.
I look around and see my friends dating people who treat them as if they are a piece of property: there to use with when they feel like it. I have people laughing at me and saying that relationships are a waste of time.
Through my current relationship, I have seen that neither of these things must be the case. A partner who is supportive, encouraging, and will do anything within reason to make you happy is someone that is worth your time and effort.
Here are some common misconceptions about being in a relationship at 19:
1. You can’t do what you want/no flirting
Sure, you can’t go home with a random guy you met at a party. You can’t date a different girl every weekend. But when in a healthy and loving relationship, the desire for temporary affection vanishes. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you don’t want to. (Also, if you’re not flirting with your significant other...what are you doing?)
However, if what is meant by this point that you can’t go to a movie with your friends because your S.O. will be mad that you aren’t in constant communication, this is a clear sign of an unhealthy relationship.
2. You have to give up a lot of time
I’m not sure about this one. Sure, you need to spend time on the relationship, but it's more of a desire than an obligation. My relationship has not stopped me from being in a sorority, being Editor-in-Chief at Ohio State for Odyssey, having girl’s night every Wednesday, helping my friend run her campaign for Undergraduate Student Government, maintaining a high GPA, having lots of friends, and so much more. That being said, it is a commitment. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to put forth that effort.
You should never have to sacrifice your dreams for your partner. In a loving relationship, it is typically understood that life goes on outside of the relationship. In cases like these, there is time for both the relationship and dream-chasing.
3. You’re ready for marriage
NO. OKAY. NO. THANK YOU. I’m happy. I’m in love. This does not mean I am going to run off and get married tomorrow. Frankly, committing to the legal bounds of marriage is something I know I am not ready for. Would I be happy to marry my boyfriend in 5+ years? Of course! I would love to spend the rest of my life with him. But before we get a joint bank account and take out a mortgage, I need to get through college, graduate school, get a job, get a dog, etc.
Dating at nineteen does not mean that you are locked into a tiny box for your whole life, from here on out devoted to that person.
Dating at nineteen means that you are young, in love, and have found someone you want by your side as you encounter the highs and lows of life.
