Even though I am still in college, I think a lot about what I will look for in a future wife. Although having a checkoff box of your dream future significant other is a little weird, understanding what you are looking for in a spouse is important.
As a Catholic, I look at marriage probably different than most of my peers in college. I see marriage as the opportunity to grow spiritually and gracefully with my best friend. I know that marriage goes beyond a civil agreement and a piece of paper. I know that marriage is a sacrament, likewise, my future wife will be a symbol of that sacrament. All the more reason to treat her as one.
In our society, commitment seems like a thing made for past generations. Let's be honest though, marriage is a lot of risks! However, every guy/girl has that checklist for their dream spouse. This is who I am looking for to risk giving my heart, soul and being when its come to marriage.
1. Someone who has a passion for their faith, and actively participates in growing in their faith
Her love for her faith should be the number one thing in her life. This is number one on my list because it is also the number one thing in my life. If God is not the most important person in her life, the other things on this list don’t really matter. A great wife knows to submit her own will to God’s and will help me do the same. I want a wife who will put God first in our relationship because she loves Him more than she loves me.
2. Someone who loves their family and knows the importance of one
I love my family. They are the second most important thing in my life behind God. A woman who loves her family knows the importance of family. Someone who already cares for siblings and parents is someone who would make a great wife. If my wife constantly talks and treats her siblings and parents with disrespect, odds are that she will eventually do the same to me. Respect is a huge show of character. How my wife loves her family is how she will love ours. I want a wife who truly respects and loves her family.
3. Someone who enjoys humor
Humor is basically my entire identity. There really isn't anything more to say. She needs to understand that 99.9% of everything I do is for the sake of a joke. If she can't tell if I am joking or being serious, then that relationship is probably going to extremely stressful for her and not fun for me. Laughing is one of my favorite things in life. If I am going to spend the rest of my life with this person, I sure hope they think I am funny and that they are also funny.
Being able to crack jokes are also a sign of intelligence. Being humorous stimulates interesting conversations. If we can talk and laugh for hours, that probably a good sign about the relationship. If one of us are having a shitty day, I don't want someone who won't try to make me laugh or will take offense to me trying to help her find some humor in the terribleness of her day. I want a wife who makes me laugh and loves to laugh at stupid things like I do.
4. Someone who challenges me
In marriage, the couple is a team. As a team, we both need to challenge each to become better people. We will push each other to succeed, through encouragement. Someone who doesn’t give up at the first sign of a speed bump, but rather someone who gives me direction and purpose. I want a wife who is not afraid to speak their mind. Someone who holds everything in and never confronts me to challenge me on what I am doing wrong is not what I want in a spouse. If I can get away with whatever I want in a relationship, then there's no excitement in that. I want a wife who challenges me to be her wife not because she is looking for a husband, but because she is looking for an equal partner.
5. Someone who gets the friends and parents approval
I love my friends. Most of the time, if I am interested dating someone, my friends are the first test to see how the relationship will turn out. My friends have been with me through all the good times and bad times. They've known me for years and haven't left yet, so therefore they are qualified to make a judgment call regarding any potential long-term relationships. If my wife doesn't gell well with my friends, then they probably won't last long in a marriage. My parents are also some of my best friends. They have more experience in marriage and love than I do, and I know that I can trust their opinions. They raised me to be the man I am today. If they don't like who I am going to marry, then it is not going to work. I plan on being very involved with parents in my future, so I would rather marry someone they approve of then have to deal with all the headaches of family reunions and dinners for all the years to come.
6. Someone who is confident
A woman who is confident is so attractive. Someone who is not ashamed of who and what they were in the past, who they currently, and who they will become. No offense to all the ladies out there who are ashamed of themselves, but it so hard as a man to try and make them wanted and beautiful. I want a wife who is strong for herself because she knows how amazing she is. Being spineless is such an unattractive quality. If you have to constantly hide your relationships and feelings from friends and family, that is such a huge example of no confidence in yourself. Be proud of who you are! I want a wife who is proud to be my wife and is not afraid to let people know exactly how she feels about our relationship. I don't want perfection, because perfection is boring. I want a wife who respects herself and not a spineless insecure princess too afraid to show herself to the world.
7. Desire and love for kids, also doesn’t mind acting like one
I want to have children. Obviously, this needs to be on the list because if my wife doesn’t want children then it might be a little awkward. I want a wife who not only wants children but also doesn’t mind like a kid occasionally. Someone who loves children like I do and enjoys living her life a little silly at times. Acting like a child also plays into arguments. I want a wife who I can argue with, without it turning into a fight. This plays into learning not to take every single little teenie weenie bit of life seriously. This does not mean they can't take things seriously, such as a relationship! I want a wife who loves children and is able to approach issues without being melodramatic.
I want a wife who is selfless. Someone who has a sacrificial heart. Someone who loves not for herself, but for others. Because God calls us to love everyone and treat everyone with respect equally. Someone who knows that we all have flaws, but is willing to work through them. Humble people work outward not inward. A wife, who is truly selfless, is also a wife who I can trust with anything. I know that she will always put others before her self. That is the true example of a wife and an even better example of an amazing potential mother. A true measure of character is who you are when no one is watching. I want a wife who is selfless because I know when no one is watching that she will love and care for others more then she loves herself.
9. Aware of the world
I want a wife who isn’t ignorant. Someone who knows how the world works. She knows how the government works, how to pay taxes, how to be a good person. She doesn’t need to know how quantum physics works, but someone who doesn’t just float through life because she’s been giving everything in her life. Someone who knows how to get things done. Being aware of the world is a show of class, someone who actually cares about things beyond her own circle of influence. Intelligent women are ones who know things about the world and care about making it a better place. There is so much more to life than a shopping trip or the latest TV show. A woman who knows this shows that she is someone who thinks critically. Life is difficult, I want a wife who helps me make hard decisions because she has insights, understanding, and love for a world bigger than her own.
10. Someone who has passions
I want someone who has passions! Someone who loves music, cooking, dancing! Someone who has ideas and dreams! I don’t want a wife whose only idea of a good time is dinner and movie. If she loves movies that’s awesome! But someone who doesn’t mind just sitting and watching the stars for a night. Someone who I can talk to about what she loves to do. I don't want a wife whose only goals are to get married. I want a wife who has goals that she is constantly striving to achieve. I want to help her achieve those passions of hers.
Basically, I want someone who I can cry over as she walks down the aisle because I love her for everything that she is regardless of flaws because her and I know each other inside and out and we didn't run away from that, but rather faced it head-on with a fire to give ourselves to each other and to God.