It’s the Eastern Conference finals between the Cleveland Cavaliers and Toronto Raptors. Being born and raised a sports fanatic, my past evening has been spent planted in a sports bar surrounded by fellow loud and rowdy fans. Now I’d love to go on and on about the sports industry and comment on the fact that the Cavs are sweeping the series, but instead, I want to focus on the fact that people literally play basketball as their job. Professional athletes do not work 9 to 5. They do not sit in cubicles popping Tic Tacs into their mouths every twenty minutes. They run. They jump. They shoot. And they make millions of dollars per year.
We are often asked the question, “What would you do if you had a million dollars?”, but I think the question, really, is “What would you do if you had millions of dollars?”. I love nothing more than hearing squeaking sneakers on the court, or the swoosh of the net right before the buzzer, but this past week, watching the series brought on a whole new thought. How do these individuals live? What are their extravagant lives like off of the court?
LeBron James makes $24 million a year.
Kevin Love makes $21.17 million a year.
Kyrie Irving makes $17.64 million a year.
Iman Shumpert makes $8.99 million a year.
The average income of an American citizen is $81,400.
Most likely, most of you are wondering how LeBron still misses his free throws, or why the foul wasn’t called, but after reading these statistics, my mind tends to wonder and ask other types of questions.
Dear King James,
As a broke college student, I would like to ask you if five hundred dollar bills truly exist. Are they real dollar bills like a one or a five? I’m living off of quarters and starting to believe bills that large are only as existing as unicorns. As I am sure you carry at least ten $500 bills at all times, so I am interested to know what president earned the honor to be the face of the bill? Better question, as “The King," are you the face of the $500 bill?”
Dear Kyrie,
How much were your dance lessons? With a spin move like that, I am assured you spent many hours rehearsing with a top-notch dance instructor dropping at least $20K as if it were sticking a quarter into a gumball machine.
Dear Shumpert,
Congratulations on delivering your new addition to your family. I heard you have quite the medical background. With an income like yours, I find it hard to picture you admitting to the overused complaint, “Diapers are so expensive," so I’d like to ask, do you buy Huggies or Pampers? Or does your baby daughter wear Prada?
Dear K- Love,
Will you marry me? I see that unlike most male athletes, you like to smile for the camera. Well, as a future dental hygienist, your perfect teeth have not gone unnoticed. As a college student on a budget, I usually buy whatever toothpaste is on sale, but I’d like to know how a millionaire like you decides on what brand of toothpaste to buy. The dental aisle of any drug store can be a little overwhelming. Should you buy Crest or Colgate? But Oral-B commercials promise they are dentists’ preferred dental brand. With a never ending wallet and glowing teeth, do you just buy them all for trial and error? Also, do you floss?
