Last month, I graduated from high school. While I was overjoyed to finally be finished with senior year and eager to make preparations for starting college this fall, I was also sad about leaving many of my friends and peers. It's been bittersweet realizing that while I'll be embarking on a new journey in my life, I won't see my friends on a daily basis anymore. What has especially plagued my mind during my final weeks of school has been the regret of not being closer to my peers throughout high school.

While there were people I interacted with each day, my social life was quite lacking outside the classroom. I rarely attended events or saw friends outside of school. Whenever I did interact with my peers, I felt detached and uncomfortable, desperately trying to join in the fun but feeling alone in a room full of people. Now, as school is finished and I count down the days until orientation, I see constant posts, snaps, and selfies of my friends spending time together. It's made me feel slightly jealous and remorseful that I'm missing out on all the fun. Most of the time growing up, I just hadn't been able to hang out after school due to the issues I've had to deal with at home.

Living with my mother and grandmother wasn't horrible growing up, but it has certainly been tough. Because my grandmother suffers from a variety of mental illnesses and disabilities, including dementia and diabetes, she had to move in with us when I was in the fourth grade because she could no longer take care of herself. She has to be constantly monitored and assisted, so I've been helping take care of her for the past ten years of my life. As a result, I've had to sacrifice much of my youth and adolescence.

My mom worked full-time as a case manager for children in foster care, so she often had to leave to visit foster homes, place a new child in care, or see about a crisis. I had to be the one to stay home and watch my grandmother, so I would catch the bus immediately after school and couldn't always stay for school functions. I would just say that I had to study, had a lot of homework, or that I had some other event to attend.

Sometimes, it was finances and we just didn't have the money for some activities. To avoid feeling embarrassed about not having enough money, I just made up excuses that my mom needed me home (which she usually did, anyway, to check on my grandmother) or that I had a lot of work, which was sort of true since I was always swamped with assignments and was very focused on my studies.

Though I hung out with people in school, I rarely saw them any other time unless it was a rehearsal or performance. Over time, I got invited to fewer events and attended fewer school functions. Senior year has been difficult to deal with because of how close everyone's been since we're all leaving. I love my class like family, but I also feel extremely isolated from them because I haven't been able to truly bond with them outside of the classroom.

Now that I'll be attending a new school, I see this as a fresh start for me. I plan to be much more involved and social now that I won't be tied down by my home situation. I've already been talking with people and have even met a few of my new classmates. I am very excited to meet many others and am looking forward to making new friends and memories. This time, I will not let excuses keep me from enjoying the best moments in life.