“Suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do.”
We’ve all heard it before. Whether it be from someone in the wake of the loss of a loved one, or someone just expressing their opinion on the issue. In America, there is a suicide every 13 minutes. It’s safe to say that most Americans today have been affected by suicide in some form; losing a loved one, loving someone that has struggled with suicidal thoughts, or contemplating suicide themselves.
While I was at work the other day, I listened to a woman tell a story about her neighbor. She said she came home to find that he had committed suicide. All of the neighbors including herself were gathered around expressing their thoughts and consoling one another. One man commented on how he thought suicide is the most selfish thing a human can do. Through tears, she spoke of how upset his comment made her and I completely agree.
In the past, when I have questioned the reasoning behind such a statement, I have received various responses. The main response being that suicide affects so many people, not just one person. Losing a loved one is difficult enough; accepting that you lost somebody because they no longer wanted to live, that is nearly impossible. While I completely understand this argument, my first response to the news of a suicide is a distorted image of the pain that the person must have endured. It is certainly not about personal feelings or why they hadn’t stopped to think about how they would be hurting loved ones.
As someone who has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, I have experienced lows that have traumatized me. I have struggled with my disorder for years; there are good days and there are bad days. As someone that has also suffered a multitude of emotional trauma, I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed with hurt. I know what it’s like to be disgusted with the reflection in the mirror, I know that the pain makes it hurt to breathe, I know that the misery seems never-ending.
While reflecting back on my battle against my depression, I am blessed to say that I never contemplated the idea of taking my own life; unlike so many others. I look back on my pain and I can’t imagine what I would have had to feel to be pushed to such extremes. It overwhelms me, and hurts my soul, to know that someone was feeling so much pain that they saw no other escape.
As someone who has also worked in mental health for almost two years now, I’ve spoken with many people who opened up to me about their depression. The answers I’ve gotten when I ask about the root of their suicidal ideation are almost universal, no matter the situation. They almost always agree that everyone would be better off without them here; they view themselves as a burden. They are completely convinced that they are causing more damage to their loved ones, than good.
I think the issue at hand is that people don’t understand that saying that suicide is selfish, is inversely selfish. Mental health is an area that is extremely misunderstood, and I wholeheartedly believe that it is impossible to begin understanding the deepest dimensions of it until you’ve worked in the field, studied it, or have had first-hand experience with it.
It is a horrible tragedy when someone takes their own life. Before you judge someone that became victim to their own illness, try to put yourself in their shoes. Try to empathize with them and see that this goes beyond someone “feeling sorry for themselves.” As humans, it’s hard not to place blame, regardless of the situation. Please understand that suicide is no one’s fault. Suicide is a last resort for many people who feel they have no other alternative. They are in a state of pain that many of us will never understand. They are not acting selfishly, they are acting selflessly.
