With the increase in mental health awareness, more people know what depression and anxiety look like. Anxiety is an involuntary physical and emotional portrayal of fear, whether it is rational or irrational. Depression is no longer described as sadness; the mind is dragged through every possible negative thought. Both of these illnesses include a decrease in functioning as a symptom. Functioning is generally defined as how easily someone can do normal day to day tasks without help. For instance, a low-functioning person may have a hard time finding motivation to shower regularly. This symptom is one of the easiest for other people to recognize.
The big question: what happens when you are facing these illnesses but also a perfectionist? Well, welcome to my life. As a perfectionist, the idea of not doing things because I don't feel well is devastating. My mind starts to physically hurt when I enter the realm of not doing things. My brain runs on productivity, so when depression hits, I go into overdrive. I try to overcompensate for how bad I feel by doing more work that could ideally bring me more self-worth. Instead of staying in bed for days, I will obsessively clean and do homework until my body physically can't take it anymore. Does it make sense? Of course not. The reason depression is perpetuated is because I have faulty wiring (usually coming from environmental factors) that tells me the solution to depressive thinking is obsessive-compulsive behavior. So yeah, it is equally damaging, but it looks different.
The consequence of this kind of reaction is people don't pick up on my distress level. Why is it important for other people to pick up on my distress level (or someone's)? When someone is depressed and stays in bed all day, someone else can see that and try to encourage that person to do something different. Lethargy is a sign of a high distress level. Doing homework obsessively looks more normal. When no one picks up on my distress level and I am in a lot of distress, I tend to keep doing damaging behaviors until I physically can't anymore. If I do realize that I am distressed and need help, usually my pleas aren't taken as seriously because I don't show those classic signs. Coupled with paranoia, I tend to think nothing is wrong. See the problem here?
My point isn't to say perfectionism makes my life so much harder; my symptoms just look different and can be harder to pick up on for me and others. Perfectionism has let me do some pretty amazing things; there is no way I would be this far in school with my mental health issues without it. I hope my little rant can bring a different perspective to anxiety and depression.
