Do people always leave?
If so, do they come back? That's the question I ask myself almost every day. If people leave, what are the chances they'll ever come back? What are the chances people will ever come back after walking out? It's those questions I asked myself every single day and it's these questions that give me the worst amount of anxiety, not because people leave, but because I'm terrified of people leaving.
It's the worst kind of scared, the worst kind of vulnerable, and the worst kind of anxiety. I keep building more and more walls because of this fear. The funny thing is, back in junior high school I felt so desperate to be with people that I would give girls in my class my phone number because I felt so desperate for a friend. Fast forward to now when I don't care about having people in my life, and I don't care about being alone. And yes this is coming from someone with a boyfriend and a million friends (just kidding like 10 friends), but this fear has made me not depend on anyone, not desperate for friends, and more alone.
So why the hell am I so afraid?
That's a good question if I'm not depending on people to be my friend. The why the hell am I so afraid of people leaving? Maybe because when you visually see someone that you've been so close to, that you've opened your heart and soul to, and that you've loved and cared for so much, when you see that person walk out of your life you get the feeling that hurts so much it feels like a hole is ripping out of your chest. Even when you're on the floor crying and begging that person to come back, but you already know that person is gone. It's that feeling that makes you want to never ever let anyone in ever again because you never want to feel that pain ever again.
So yes, people always leave. I'm not saying that people are bad, or that people are the worst (sometimes). I'm just saying that the worst feeling in the world is opening your heart and soul to someone, and actually loving and caring for someone more than you love and care for yourself, and that person walks away without saying goodbye. And that's what leaves me with what's the point of opening up to people, what's the point of giving someone your heart and your love if they are just gonna rip it out and stomp on it while walking away.
Exactly, there's no point anymore.
