"Is It That Easy To Forget Me?"

"Is It That Easy To Forget Me?"

I wrote something sad again.
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Ever since I was a little girl, I have always felt as though I did not fit into the social norm; I had a lot of energy but I tended to be incredibly shy. Because of this, for some strange reason I had difficulty making friends. When I did make a friend, they would eventually leave me and become friends with someone else. All of those months of getting up the nerve to ask other girls in my neighborhood if they wanted to play "Barbie" with me would just become a memory to me. It is interesting how rather this innocent example is still relevant for me and I will be a senior in college.

Why is it that almost every person I hold a bond with tends to "forget" that I still exist? It just makes me feel like I am not good enough for anyone, whether it be through platonic friendships or even some family members. I am not asking for pity or anything but it has always been a question of mine since I was little, "Is it really that easy to forget me"? Sometimes I think that if I were more outgoing, people would like me more. Yes, I will admit that I tend to be a people pleaser, but can you blame me? I want to be more than the "nice, pretty girl" that I am known for because I want to be someone to make a difference on people's lives. If I can make one person smile every day, it makes my feel so much better.

At this point in my life, I have become more confident in myself in that I refuse to be the one to always initiate every get-together or conversation with people. If someone really cares about you, they will find a way to reach you. This is something new for me because I was always the type of person to be initiating every conversation, every get-together, etc. It was exhausting trying to please everyone this way. I am done trying to please people and am finally becoming my own person. With that being said, I am not ignoring people (friends, family, etc.), but I am not going to put in the effort if someone is not going to reciprocate the same effort back. I understand that life gets busy but I should not be the only person reaching out. If anyone reading this thinks that this is written about them, it might be but consider the fact that this feeling of "I will never be good enough for people to stay with me" has been occurring since I was a little girl - aka there have been more than one person to have walked away from me.

I am not perfect and I have been that friend to have purposely distanced myself with someone (sometimes you get to know people and you know your close friendship is better off acquainted), but it just hurts when the people closest to you stop reaching out to you anymore and you feel like you don't know what you did wrong. As far as old friendships go, I will always be the type of friend who will be there for someone even though things may have fizzled out so I wish nothing but the best for everyone who I have had the chance to get to know. If you are reading this and know you were one to distance yourself from me, please know that I do not hate you, I just hate the feeling of losing someone again and as long as you are happy, I am happy too.

Cover Image Credit: YouTube

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30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Because "pretty" is so overrated.
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Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

26. Observant

I want to take all of life in.

27. Peart

I want to be honestly in good spirits at all times.

28. Romantic

Sure, I want to be a little old school in this sense.

29. Elysian

I want to give you the same feeling that you get in paradise.

30. Curious

And I never want to stop searching for answers.
Cover Image Credit: Favim

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An Open Letter To My Childhood Best Friend

To Molly Zucker, I hope this article makes everyone surrounding you hear your obnoxious, priceless laugh.

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Dear childhood best friend,

When I look back on my childhood, there is only one person who reminds me of home: you. After moving out of state and time passing on, it's easy to forget where you came from and parts of your childhood. However, the minute I see your face and hear your goofy laugh, the feeling of home returns. You bring out the fun and young in me because let's be honest, you turned out to be the adventurous spontaneous one and I'm just a boring nerd in Organic Chemistry. No one can make my pure childhood laughs come out or make me feel as free-spirited and lively as much as you do.


Lexi Garber

We used to ride our bikes around town, eat salt and vinegar chips until our tongues burned, and do each other's makeup and nails. We would go to the mall and dress ourselves in this horrendous outfits, but ones that we actually thought were cute at the time (Why did you let me wear half of the stuff I did?) We wrote each other cards during Recess and talked about how much we would gossip on our Friday night sleepovers. I could recognize your cupcake vanilla perfume scent from a mile away, even from this day and when I do smell it, it brings back such a warm and comforting familiar feeling.


Lexi Garber

We would talk about what our future would be like, how fun high school would be and what it would be like if we went to the same college. I didn't know that I would move before all of that but little did I know we would remain best friends and talk every day still to this day. Although there are moments where it hurts me that I didn't get to watch you grow out of your crazy, middle school self and into this beautiful and amazing girl, I know one day we will be close in distance again. We still talk about our future like we know what's going to happen and hopefully, we will live together in NYC one day, like we've always talked about. Who knows where we will both end up, but no matter how far we are in distance, we will always be close at heart.


Lexi Garber

The best part of being long distance best friends is that when our other friends annoy us, we can randomly Facetime each other at any time for a quick laugh and a reminder of how sacred our special bond is. We get to plan trips to see each other and show each other what has changed in our lives, but there is one thing that will never change: our friendship. So here's to you being my maid of honor, crazy aunt for my future kids, my soulmate, best friend and partner in crime. You bring out the happiness and best in me and I will love you always and forever.

Love,

Your childhood best friend



Lexi Garber



Lexi Garber

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